We hate everything including you

UPSIDE DOWN

2009-01-29T09:17:00.001-08:00

Sure, why not. After shitting blood for a week, 2 days ago i started throwing up blood. So now my eyes are officially the only orifices that i haven't bled from. And who knows, coughing up and sneezing blood doesn't get you anywhere, but bloody tears...That shit might get you put on display in a church somewhere in Mexico next to the taco shaped like Jesus.

No but seriously this does really suck. The doctor says it's probably from the painkillers they gave me, those apparently fuck up your stomach. I think it also might have something to do with the fact that i went to a Gutter Twins show 4 days after the surgery....and got shitfaced. But It was totally worth it! Ow and a special thanks to Roger the bouncer who was kind enough to drive us back after the gig. That was so awesome of you!

Now it's just a matter of using my wolverine like super-regenerating accelerated healing powers to keep it together long enough for my trip to Greece. Only 3 more days!!!

NERO

'PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET', ANYONE?

2009-01-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

Isn't the internet a swell place?

Seriously, I love people that are this honest.

NERO

HELLOOOO!

2009-01-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

I'm back. Well most of me is...Lately I've been loosing more and more parts of what I used to be. I don't think I'll ever be whole again...

Gold star for the first person that can guess what this is:

This little good for nothing son of a bitch may look like your average rotten banana but it's not. This is what used to be my appendix.
Last week me and my appendix had a little disagreement in which the bastard literally tried to kill me. So after 12 hours of pain and drama we went our separate ways.
Breaking up is never easy and it will take a long time for me to heal. But I sleep better at night knowing this will never happen again and that he is out of my life for good.

NERO

STUPID SUNLIGHT!

2008-06-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

Seriously, the people that came up with happy hour should be shot.

So here we are, don't know how y'all are doing and at this point I couldn't care less, but I have got the hangover from hell. I'm starting to notice I'm getting older. You might think I'm a 21 year old but really, inside there a 60 year old thanking the lord for every diaper free day he gives her.
They say 40 is the new 30. Which is total bullocks. I mean this might be true for those 40 year old macrobiotic eating, botox drinking, yoga practicing rich bitches. But in the same way 14 was the new 24 when it came to drinking, smoking and partying when I was growing up.

Yesterday me and Girlfriend went shopping and decided to make a quick stop at his favorite bar. Enter Happy hour. So instead of getting something to eat first and then maybe a little drink starting at around 9 pm and slowly build up to a state of complete piss drunk fucked upness. It's Rosé and Margaritas for half the price at 5 pm (5 o'clock being the equivalent of lunchtime in my world) hitting you in the face like a motherfucker. Or in my case like a gay man hitting you in the bosoms with his face. Did I forget to mention it was a gay bar? I never knew gay men where so into boobs but my god, by the time happy hour was over I was getting free drinks in exchange for a little breast fondling. Now that I think of it, it does make some sense, might be a bit like why dykes wear strap ons.
Anyways, I had a great time. The only downside: you're surrounded by men loving you all night and yet end up going home alone. And waking up with up with a hangover....after waking up drunk...twice....And getting a text message saying your friend has put those 'sexy' pictures of you with the shot glass between your titties on his myspace.

Yesss, good times people, good times.

NERO

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE INTERVIEW

2008-06-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

I hate that I love it so much. And I feel so dirty but I just can't help myself, I just want more and more. Really, I LOVE reading about Amy Winehouse. I know I'm a horrible person, but the more messed up she looks in photographs the more I enjoy it. You know, just to see how fucked up and zombie like a person can get. So yeah, I suck, but then again when was the last time she called me for my birthday? All those years and not even a postcard. So fuck her...

Anyhow, I'm sure y'all will enjoy this awesome story about our favorite junkie as much as I did. You heartless bastards!

NERO

Need a hobby?

2008-06-24T04:56:00.000-07:00

Summer is coming, so all you lucky bastards are probably gonna have some time off. But just in case you don't have any money to go on vacation and fear you might get bored, here's a little something you could do with all that free time.

To be fair: I stole this one from Hot Gameguy, so the credit goes to him.

NixX

MISFIT LOVE

2008-06-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Last week me and NixX went on a little trip to check out Queens of the motherfucking stone age. And it was awesome. QOTSA is one of those bands that won't ever disappoint...(Maybe I made that sound as if there are lot's of bands that never disappoint...Need I remind you of this lovely evening?) And I loved the songs they played.
Me and mister Joshua Homme have one thing in common: this is our favorite song:

Queens of the stone age - Misfit love live @ pinkpop 2008

I know I have written about this song before, but it's that damn good. Misfit love truly is one of the best songs ever written. And the number one song to hear live (and by hear I mean to lose your mind, shake your ass and get completely fucked up to).

It was really all they needed to play. Don't get me wrong I like their other stuff, I'm just saying that I would love to see a one hour show where they play 'Misfit love' for 45 minutes and then morph that into 'You Got A Killer Scene There, Man...' for the remaining 15 minutes...Maybe play 'Songs for the dead', 'Skin on Skin' and 'Make it wit chu' as an encore...but you know, i don't wanna seem toooo demanding.....
And yes, I'm very well aware this will never happen, primarily because it would be downright SUICIDE!!!. And not just for the band, I'm surprised I have made it through the 6 minute version twice already without collapsing.

BUT GODDAMMIT WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Maybe, one day, in a perfect world. A world where convenience stores sell IV's, it rains Gatorade and we're all on Amphetamines.

NERO

PS. You see that photo I stole of flickr? I'm in that photo.....Fuck yeah, that's my arm!

AUDIO TORTURE

2008-06-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

Just so we're clear, I love Nas. But I'm not really feeling his new song Be a nigger too. The first time I heard it I was like wow, cause if there's one thing Nas is good at, it is getting you to pay attention. And if mr. Jones speaks we listen.

So now there's a video, which I successfully watched from beginning to end the first time. But the second time I heard Be a nigger too I had to turn it off cause the music is seriously making me want to scratch my face open.

I fucking hate those cheezy ass piano samples and this has got to be the worst one I ever heard. Why, in the name of all that's been sampled, would you copy and paste two seconds of a Bobby Blue Bland record and turn it into a 6 motherfucking minute song!?! And more than that, how the fuck is it possible that Nas would willingly submit himself to having to hear that beat a 100 times a year for the rest of his life?! I don't know who made it but it's like Good Charlotte writing songs for Henry Rollins.
It's really that fucking annoying, and I'm sure Be a nigger too will be on heavy rotation over at Guantanamo bay torture radio.

NERO

A LITTLE LONG TIME

2008-06-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

お久しぶりですね。。。皆さん元気？I've been doing ok I guess...just a bit bored, tired, lazy, you know what I'm talking about.

First off, I am very proud to announce to you all that I have slept with NixX for the first time. It was quite a nice experience and I can recommend it to anyone. In fact I'm still a bit shaky. So if you ever happen to run in to her and have the guts to come up and talk to her, TRY! Try like you've never tried before. And come prepared: hit the gym, get that master's degree and win that Grammy. Also don't forget to buy a pair of oven mitts, you're gonna need them.

I found these online sometime ago and i think they're bloody brilliant...lol: 'Sex in her shitty'. Don't forget to check out the 'JHo Booty from the block!' or the`Dirty Christina' variants.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

2008-05-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!

Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

EXCUSE ME

2008-05-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

While I die laughing. This clip just raised the bar for a whole lotta motherfuckers.

NERO

TO BE CONTINUED

2008-05-20T06:24:00.000-07:00

Today started great, I mysteriously woke up at 10 without being tired, took a long shower, put on my face and made 2 mixtapes. You know, some uplifting summer tunes for work. So I leave for work early and get on the bus, then for no apparent reason the bus made a huge detour. But, no worries, I left for work early. So I get to work 5 minutes early and there are 4 people in my spot. So I walk over and one of my colleagues comes up to me and informs me that I have to go home.

NERO: 'WTF?!'
Kenny: 'Yeah, apparently our boss is not so happy with you and he told me to tell you to go home once you'd get here.'
NERO: 'WTF, he cant find the decency to send me home in person?! He makes me come all the way over here and informs all my colleagues he's not happy and let's you send me home!?!! That's fucked up!!!'
Kenny: 'Hey don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying. He already went home, so I had to tell you.'
NERO: 'This bout saturday?'
Kenny: 'Yes, I think it has something to do with that.'
NERO: 'He told you about that?! What else did he share with you, my bank account? Any passport copies? '
Kenny: 'No, he just explained to us that you didn't show on saturday and that you where late on Wednesday and that he's had it.'
NERO: 'US!??! He told us?!?'
Kenny: 'I really think you should call him.'
NERO: 'No fuck that, he can go fuck him self. I'm done.'

So by that time everyone that was working and some of there relatives and customers gathered around to hear the story. And I was just about to walk of when my boss came walking over, he had missed his train.
He said hi, I said hi.
He said saturday didn't go to well, I smiled.
He said it's not working, I smiled some more.
He said it wasn't the first time, I smiled and looked at some of the bystanders. Then Kenny interrupted Boss-man to ask something. And that was it, I turned around walked away from the crowd, and mumbled that I had a bus to catch. On the way to Girlfriend, who was working in another shop, I get this call by Boss-man. I didn't answer the first time, but the second time he called I did. He told me I cannot just walk of like that. And I asked him where he was and told him to wait there and keep his eyes open, so he could see me perform the miracle of walking away again.
So I walked back to the store, just to find that he's making this phone call with about 5 other people hanging on his shoulder trying to listen in.
I hung up when he saw me, walked over and told him this whole situation was just ridicules, that he was acting childish and immature and that he had 10 minutes to say his thing because I had already wasted 3 bucks on a bus ticked and didn't want to miss the bus and pay again.

I don't remember fuck all about what he said, but it was nothing new. I said I was just sick of hearing the same old thing over and over.
He suggested I would resign and again I just smiled.
He can fire me and give me a months pay or I'll be rioting there all the way to pension time. He knows this of course, so after all the yelling and screaming, he just asked if I still wanted to come to work tomorrow. So I said 'I have a bus to catch' and 'see you tomorrow'.

I'm not sure what's going to happen but at least I have 2 awesome new mixtapes and that should get me through at least one more workday.

NERO

LOL

2008-05-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.

NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

2008-05-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.

NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

2008-05-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

HOW 80'S OF YOU

2008-05-13T18:57:00.000-07:00

I really can't stand this song or her voice but the video is just fucking brilliant!

Sia-The Girl You Lost To Cocaine

NERO

I HAD A DREAM

2008-05-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

So I will tell you guys about this dream I had last night because it was sooo weird...and because absolutely nothing happened in my real life today.

So I don't remember exactly what happened, but it had something to do with this movie and Chinese people wanting to pour acid in my face. And they just would not stop trying, at one point I sat down in a bus and got up just in time cause acid sprinklers where coming out of the armsrests. But I knew, I knew.
Then I had to get to this wake for Wes Borland or something, that guy who used to play guitar in Limp Bizkit. You know, the monkey boy. Apparently he had killed him self and there was this big thing involving ladders and empty buildings I had to get to.

So that was my dream...I know right!?

But then I was surfing around on Perez Hilton's blog and I found this:

It's Fred Durst.

The same Fred Durst we all had completely forgotten about. Coincidence?
Now the weird thing about this is not that I had a dream about his guitar player. No what's freaking me out is that he looks EXACTLY like my dad. I shit you not people, it's him exactly! It could be his tattooed twin.....I might remove the pictures soon cause it's really creeping me out.

NERO

I could post a limp bizkit song right now but...youknow.

THE DEAL IS OFF!!!

2008-05-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

When I heard we were getting Michelle Rodriguez, I got really exited. I mean she is hot and definitely on my to do-list.

But then I found we had to give up this:

And here's our answer: NO! WHAT ARE WE, STUPID?!? NO!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!!:

Seriously, if you want Wentworth Miller we won't settle for anything less than Scarlett Johansson! And even then....are you kidding me?! MOTHERFUCKER GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON!!!

So what do you think, did we get ripped off?

No honestly, people can do whatever and whoever they want....I just wished they would do me before they did.

NERO

Okay, so maybe just one more....

Fuck that, I'll do as much as I want!!

I'LL BE WATCHING IT LIVE IN A GAY BAR

2008-05-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

Iceland's entry for Eurovision 2008... No, it does not get any gayer than this!

That dance...That dance! The guy in the black shirt is a genius!

NERO

THE END OF AN ERA

2008-05-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?

I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

THE NEXT DUNGEON GIRL

2008-05-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

O, and a couple of posts ago, you were talking about that Austrian girl in the basement right? You asked yourself who the next one would be? Meet the Next Dungeon Girl:

Our friend Tom has sent her off to Scientology Bootcamp because she didn't get involved in his religion enough. I'd say: Bye bye Katie..

NixX

ROCKBAND

2008-05-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

And to feed your new-found Rockband-addiction: I think this song should definitely be on Rockband!! I just came across it going through my vinyl-collection.

NixX

COMMENT

2008-05-07T07:17:00.000-07:00

Nero darling, you of all people should know I would be the last person on earth to get a life! As a matter of fact, I just traded in the little life I had for no life whatsoever. Yes, you guessed right! I'm going to be one of the watercoolerconversation-people. Five days straight on the fourth floor of a huge cubicle-filled government flat. I'm looking forward to it already - she said with a bland face -.

I just finished reading Then we came to the end by Joshua Ferris to prepare myself. But I'm not sure whether that helped or just made things worse. It's strange, I was so looking forward to getting away from my current job. But now I get this eerie feeling that before long I will be wanting to throw myself off that skyscraper.

So it's not my so-called life that kept me from blogging. I am just very aware that I will never be able to compete with your incredible stories and you know how I hate acknowledgeing defeat. If anything, you have killed my dream to become a writer, because you faced me with the fact that I am not a storyteller at all. There, now we're both depressed.

Anyway, I just wanted to respond to your Trek-blog. I think we should become trekkies too. Life seems so simple when you're a trekkie. Like that one guy, who's only dream was to build a big shelve to put all his stuff on. Or that guy at the Vulcan-town party who summed up the beauty of life in the words: "this year we even had a girl coming". And even though the notion of the trek-psycho-therapist (how sane can he make you?), surgeon and dentist kind of scared me, I know you would love to go to a dentists office like that! But knowing us we would probably end up being killed by that psycho Gabriel kid, the VERY creepy moviemaker.

I will admit I saw a fair share of episodes myself. But never as a matter of choice, always more a matter of the remote being too far away or there really being nothing else on tv. (We didn't have that many channels back then) My personal favourite was this guy:

But that was probably mostly because he somehow reminded me of the captain of that other ship I loved so much (woohahahaha..). They had that same benevolant patriarchal care about them. And the same surroundings of bad costumes and cardboard walls of course. O and I really hated that captain Janeway, the she-wolf.

I remember seeing another documentary on Star Trek and other sci-fi films when I took a course in science fiction films at university. The big tagline of Star Trek was of course TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. But then came the Deep Space Nine series, about a stationary post in space. So the commentary-guy in the documentary said: Deep Space Nine: TO BOLDLY GO uhm.. STAY PUT! I thought that was kind of hilarious. And in the case of captain Picard it was of course TO BALDLY GO... Yes, I know, I'll stop being so darn funny right now.

NixX

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

2008-05-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something,  so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.

NixX  (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:
'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty"  Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO

AND NOW, IT'S THE FIRST EVER...

2008-05-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Quote of the week!

''As a boy I'm coming up through the sixties so I thought, you know, my late teens, early twenties are gonna be the most radical years of my life and I get there and it's yeah Pete Frampton in a kimono man!''

-Mike Watt, American Hardcore, 2006

Kelly Clarkson- Since U been gone
(No hardcore here but there is some relation between these artists)

I don't know the first thing about punk. I bought a Green Day record when I was 11 and considered it a job well done....Yeah I know, I know but I'm not even joking here people. I mean, I know about bands like Bad Brains, Minutemen and Black Flag but do I listen to it, no. I think punk is one of those 'You had to be there' things, kind of like Drum'n'Base.

I remember meeting some punks when I was 13 or something. I was on my way to my nana's house when I saw these 20-something year old bad asses hanging outside the train station drinking beers and listen to ...., yes, yes, very good, they where listening to punk (lame joke courtesy of Dora the Explorer). So I go up to them and ask if I could pet their dogs (note to pedophiles: puppies still get the job done) and they where like sure, whatever. And I ended up playing with this cute puppy for some time till this big-colored-mohawk guy came squatting next to me offering me a beer. It was one of those tall cans and I thought it was really kind of him and to be fair, I never looked 13...I was born with these tits.

We ended up talking and I started asking all these questions about why he was waiting on the train so long, where he lived and if getting tattoos hurt, your basic 13 year old questions, but apparently punks can relate to 13 year olds quite well. I even let him see my bellybutton piercing, just to show him we did have something in common namely holes in our body.
And inevitably, with him being punk and all, we started talking about his mohawk. I asked him how he did it and then this other guy with a German accent started joking saying he used a lot of sperm, and that they had a jar where they jerked of in that they kept in the fridge for common use. So I asked him what the point was of putting things in a fridge that doesn't work, since they where squatters and lived in a house without electricity. The nice guy thought that was funny and offered to do my hair right then and there. So he got out a comb and a can of hairspray and eventually I had these 2 fullgrown men fixing my hair. Even back then I thought the whole situation was quite comical.
Anyways, it looked awesome and even the German guy approved of it, I also got invited to this party where their band would be playing and I told them I would ask my parents if I could go. So I said thanks and we said our goodbyes.
When I got to my nana's house she said I looked very pretty and I told her the story. And with my grandmother being almost as naive as I am the first thing she said was: 'Ow, that was so nice of them, why didn't you bring them along? I could've made waffles'

NERO

WRITERS BLOCK....

2008-04-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

I swear to god, I'm never going to therapy again...

Tom Waits- That Feel

edit- I always thought these where the most romantic lyrics ever but that's because I misheard:

I aways come to find you
Always hear you cry
across my wooden leg
and I swear on my glass eye
I will never leave you high and dry
never leave you loose
It's harder to get rid of than tattoos

Still a great song though...I just liked what I heard better...

NERO

HOLY SHIT....AGAIN?!

2008-04-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was just in Austria last week and I had a conversation there about how safe and peaceful it is in Austria with the exception of some kids getting locked up in basements every now and then. We where talking about Natasha Kampush and Stockholm syndrome and then this shit happens.

24 motherfucking years underground! Can you believe that?!?!

The wife is obviously lying about not knowing, and I'm not joking or being funny, but thinking about the practical things like the washing machine, the bathtub and the toilet. Who installed those things in the basement. And the guy must either be really lucky or be a plumber because there's no such thing as 24 'pipe-problem free' years. And the garbage...and the ventilation...and the entrance is really small, so how did he get all that stuff inside.

But mostly it makes me wonder, how many children are locked up in basements all over the world right this very moment...

CRUNCHY FRIENDS

2008-04-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

I think I'm an easy going person. Yeah that's right, I am fun to be around. I laugh at your jokes even when they're not that funny. I will let you know you have something stuck between your teeth, and in a way that makes neither of us feel awkward I might add. I will remember your face. I make killer margaritas. I never mind paying all of it. I will never confront you with your lies. I never run out of cigarettes and eyeliner. I always say hi. I never say 'no, don't get me any, I'll just have a bite of yours'. I know about hip-hop and science and stuff. I don't mind making an ass out of myself if you can't dance. I never get those horrible once a month cramps. I always tip, even at the KFC being a vegetarian and all. I don't mind taking the blame. I will never ask if these jeans make my as look fat. I know when to 'leave you guys alone'. I treat the driver, the garbage man, the janitor, the police and the queen all the same. I might not know how to cook but I don't mind going out to get you something. I might hate children but I will hold your baby like a winning lottery ticket (I was going to say an egg, but then again what do you do with eggs...Haha very funny, you sick baby eater!!!). I might never be anywhere on time but I always show up...or call...or text....the next day. I am an OK person!

Now try telling that to NixX after playing her the next clip:

Seriously you wouldn't believe what that poor thing has to put up with. Play this clip again, and then one more time, and then just twice more. Do that every 15 minutes for a day and imagine it being sung by Fran Drescher and a drunk Amy Winehouse. And then you're still nowhere near the real thing. For that you'll need to find yourself a bipolar friend with ADHD that remembers she has you under speed dial every time she's drunk.

NERO

IT'S NOT JAZZ PEOPLE

2008-04-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

photo by: Le Plasti

So last night me and NixX did Danko Jones. I love making lists and that band was high on my 'Bands that will get you on top of a bar in a wet T-shirt whilst shaking hips ' list. Other artists in this catogory include: the Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, the Crystal Method, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Muddy Waters and the Hives.

Not only that but the guy is on my cool people list.
But after last night I'm not that sure anymore....

The Crystal Method- Trip like I do

To be fair I hadn't slept since the 22nd which makes it 61 hours and 750 miles without sleep, and maybe I wasn't as drunk as I would normally be . But it just didn't do it for me. It actually made me want to start another list, 'the band with the worst audience list'. And I actually hate those people that bitch about the crowd, I never notice anyone that's not on stage and just get lost in the music. But like I said it could have been my lack of sleep or the low alcohol level in my blood cause the people around me where just really pissing me off.

So like in the center there was this pit going on which is fine but the rest of the place did not move a bit and where actually bothered by it.
And then there was this: Their latest album is called 'Never to loud' right. Well, then why the hell was every single person in there wearing earplugs, before the gig had even started. So you don't want to fuck up your hearing, I get it. But when you cover your ears every time some girls start screaming, you sir are a pussy. I know I can get loud but it's a rock show. And when the person on stage tells me, he can't hear me I'll make sure he'll hear me the second time. So when that sad super glue to the ear incident in front of me started giving me the stink eye every time I screamed after a song. I started yelling right in her ear just for the sake of it.
If you pick covering your ears over letting the band know they're appreciated by putting your hands together, you suck.

The band did work hard though. They really went full force. But maybe a little less talk and a little more playing next time. I love it when bands interact with the crowd but I could have gone without the 10 minute lecture about the air conditioner. Because having a little chat after every single song kinda gets people out of their dancing mood, if there is such a thing at danko jones show. And saying you hated going through a certain country to get here, even though your support act is from that particular country, is I dunno...a bit thoughtless.
And of course the fact that their last album sucks didn't really help either...

So wow...Who would've thought I would ever write something not so positive about a concert, and about Danko Jones even! I feel bad already cause it's Danko motherfucking Jones, but I'm not going to delete this post. So just deal with it.

NERO

I'M BACK

2008-04-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

Ow yes, for those of you that didn't know I went on a 5 day trip to Vienna, which I will tell you all about, later. But for the moment I'm sort of stuck in that twilight zone everyone experiences when sitting on a bus filled with illegal eastern European immigrants for 18hours. And those 18 hours became 20 hours when the entire bus was pulled over by a bunch of Russian mobsters who turned out to be police for 'ein papier kontroll'.
I've experienced a lot of weird things in my life but this...

Tom Waits-Lowside Of The Road

So imagine this : 'It's like 6 something in the morning and still mostly dark, the bus stops and i'm only half awake when all the lights come on. So when my eyes where finally adjusted to the light this guy tells me, even before he saw my passport, and 7 other girls to get of the bus. So there we where, in the middle of nowhere on some country road without even a single street light. Lined up and again unable to see shit because now we had to face the headlights of the cop cars. So as my already smelly converse where sinking deeper in the mud and the Jagermeister I had been drinking on the bus was giving me a migraine from hell, I figured, fuck it: cigarette break. People that travel and smoke know that your first reaction when the vehicle stops will be 'reach for cigarettes.' So as I was looking for a lighter, this huge guy walks over, wearing a black leather jacket that took at least 3 cows to make. So I look up trying to see what his face looks like and turn a bit so that he would would stand in a way that the car lights might actually hit his face. This did not work, he kept doing his badass detective shadow thing, while the moving only caused the cold mud to sink into my socks. And as 2 other men where moving around in the bus, probably telling people to remove their watches and put it in the bag, the 'Policeman' watches me fumble with my cigarette and asks: 'Where you from?' I tell him and he continues his little interrogation by asking why I was in Romania. I explained I did not go to Romania but got on in Vienna to which he responds in a dark:' This bus come from Bucuresti'

On a side note I'm pretty sure this bus didn't go further than Hungary but whatever.

So futher down the line up I hear this girl go something like: 'Why, no listen, why?!?. I just like your country. Ow, I don't believe this....To make pictures of beautiful place, like tourist...I have lived there, I might do work there.' Going back and forth from English to German and back to Hungarian or Romanian or Polish for all I know.
Meanwhile my cop turns his attention back to me and reaches in his pocket. He gets out a lighter, lights it and says:'You need fire, no?' So after he had lit my cigarette he puts his Brian O'Connor hand on my shoulder looks at the arguing girl and says something like: 'Everything will be allright.' And walked of.'

Yeah, well this exactly is where I started to get worried.

The other cops came out of the bus, had a little meeting and continued questioning some of the other girls for another 45 minutes or so. I'm not sure what it was all about, but for some reason I don't believe they where German police. I've had those things and they tell the girls things like: you know it's for your own safety right, how much money do you have, who are you meeting, where is your return ticket and where are you staying. And in contrary to the other police controls, this time they didn't even look at my passport.

But it's cool to know that I could fit in the 'possible illegal prostitute' line up.

I'm sorry if the story has a bit of an anticlimax, but let's just say it not the first anticlimax I've caused this week.

NERO

UP NORTH

2008-04-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

I love Norway. Whenever I'm there, I just want to take a backpack and walk into the mountains never to be seen again. Apparently, there are a lot of people who actually do this. It is assumed however that it was not their intention never to be seen again.
But just look at this:

Wouldn't you want to do the same?
Picture yourself waking up on a crispy fresh morning with a moose on your front porch! Eating fresh laks and warm wafers with homemade blueberry jam and whipped cream. Soft elk leather. Glaciers the size of Belgium. Fjords deeper than the mountains are high.
All these wonderfull things you can find there and only there.
Occasionally though, wonderful things come out of Norway. Like these guys!

One of my favourite bands is finally coming over again, all the way from coastal Stavanger, to my very home town!! I can't wait to see them live again. Here's a taste of what they sound like. Not my favourite song, but I don't want to bother you with crappy live-footage. I would recommend Hey Jane, but this one will do just fine.

And after that, I think I should really go back north to finally take that long walk in the wilderness. I need a holiday!!

NixX

FALLEN ANGEL

2008-04-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

IN MEMORIAM: JULIETTE LEWIS

I've always had a soft spot for this beautiful, crazy actress slash singer. I always thought she was the coolest person on earth. Until I saw a BBC documentary by John Sweeny last week. It turns out that.. I can hardly even get the words out of my mouth.. I mean my laptop.. It turns out that she is a SCIENTOLOGIST!! I didn't know this before, maybe that was just stupid of me. Maybe I was just in denial.. But now I can't take her serious anymore. SHE IS DEAD TO ME! Juliette, thank you for all the wonderful times we spent together, I will always cherish those memories, but our ways have to part here. In my eyes, you no longer exist.

Goodbye..

By the way, I did know that Scientology was a very creepy organisation of course, but it's even worse than I imagined. Throughout that documentary, Sweeny was being followed, intimidated and just plain harassed by this guy:
Tommy Davis is the name, some big shot at Scientology. See how he is even trying to look like Cruise? He also has the same insane look in his eyes. He was incredibly aggressive towards Sweeny. Apparently it is a wellknown Scientology strategy to follow opponents and let them know they are being followed. Just to try and freak them out.
You want to piss this guy off? All you have to say is that Scientology is a cult. He will lose all control, get in your face and try to spit you to death yelling out how stupid an biased you are. So please, if you ever run into this guy, follow him around. Stay very close by and keep yelling in his ear: leave me alone man! Leave me alone!
There is a risk to this though, you might end up 'committing suicide' as apparently their biggest opponent Shawn Lonsdale did right after he got interviewed by Sweeny. Strange, he seemed perfectly uplift and stable during the interview..

NixX

OH WHAT TO DO

2008-03-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

Working sucks. People who say they would get bored without a job, I don't understand them. I would be happy just sitting around all day! Watch a little tv, read a book, play some games, sleep a little, surf the net, just staring out the window. There is nothing wrong with that! But maybe I'm just good at entertaining myself. It helps to appreciate your company of course.
I got my masters degree six months ago. So now I am supposed to be ready and qualified to get a Real Job. You know, a Mature one. One that gives you a Steady Income with which you can Buy A House and build up a Pension and shit. So you can live a Responsible Life an be a Valuable Member of Society.
Unfortunately, I didn't get one of those educations where they actually teach you helpful things. All they taught me were other peoples opinions about unimportant stuff and how to give mine sounding like a snob who knows shit.
So now I'm kind of at a loss. Smack down in the middle of that black hole everybody always talks about. What to do with the rest of my life? I could just stay with Nero working our current shitty job. But she's not going to be there forever and I'm getting real tired of living on the edge of bankrupcy every month. I'm not ambitious at all, I'm not looking for a 'challenge' in my work. Trust me, my life itself is challenge enough. At work I just want some peace and quiet. You work to live, not the other way around, right? It's a cliché, and I hate those, but I have to agree with this one.
I see people around me who work their asses off, spending even most of their free time on 'just finishing off this last bit for the meeting on monday' or something like that. And then they tell me that "once you find a job you really like, you'll want to work just as hard at it, because you're motivated and enjoy what you do". NO I WON'T! There's a reason you get paid for working people: it's not fun. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying their work.
I used to think it could be fun too, when I was young and innocent (a long, looong, time ago). I used to have some dreamjobs. I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Digging up whole dinosaurs in the desert somewhere! How cool is that. Then I found out that it's more about digging up 2 inch bone fragments and screaming hallelujah! And that's if you're lucky! Most of them only get to go to buildingsites to find sharves of old pots. Big fucking whoopie..

Then I got myself a new hobby and decided I could be a professional one of these:

The upsides of this of course being thin and limber, and rubbing up to well-built, strong men all day. The downsides: those men wear tights all day and love rubbing up to well-built men just as much as you do.. O, and the limber part: it fucking hurts! So that was another dream lost.

As I was getting older my dreamjobs got a little more sophisticated. I started dreaming about being this girl:

Remember her? Of course, the guy to her left had something to do with that dream. How cool would it be to chase after guys like these?

It didn't take long before I realised that being a profiler would not actually make me a psychic, which was a pretty sour disappointment. Besides, the dame with the hoarse voice was starting to bug me with her ever-sorrowfull look. And, being a teenager, I naturally got depressed and started to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have the thoughts of serial-killers in my head all day after all. And since there are no serial killers in this country, I would get bored pretty quickly I guess..

So now I am out of options. All the good jobs are not as good as they seemed, impossible to obtain or just out of my league. Am I condemned to be another office-drone? Can anyone convince me that there are jobs out there that don't suck? Can anyone please tell me how I can turn doing nothing or playing computergames all day into a paying job??

Please?

THANK YOU

2008-03-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

And you just know what kind of guys work here. You know, those 34-year-old, self-proclaimed-real-generation-x, know-it-all, 'Jack Black in High Fidelity'-types.

NERO

EPIC

2008-03-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

I KNOW I OFTEN SAY SONGS ARE GOOD, WICKED, AWESOME ETC. BUT NEXT TIME I POST A CLIP OF THE VENGABOYS AND WRITE ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY WHERE OR WHEN I'M ABOUT TO TRAVEL TO GERMANY TO CATCH A RIGHT SAID FRED SHOW, TELL ME TO STEP AWAY FROM THE CRACK, SLAP ME IN THE FACE AND SHOW ME THIS CLIP.

NERO

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY

2008-03-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS ONE:

This is probably the most effective way to meet a lot of black guys really, really fast.

And speaking from experience, so does getting a job at KFC....

2 Live Crew-If You Believe in Having Sex

NERO

CAN'T HELP IT...

2008-03-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

I JUST HAVE TO DANCE WHEN I HEAR THIS:

I DON'T QUITE 'GET IT' BUT I LIKE IT...A LOT!

THE OPPOSITES-GEEN KLASSE GEEN STIJL

NERO

YEAHYAH!

2008-03-21T00:28:00.000-07:00

ONE WEEK AGO I USED MY NEW CREDIT CARD FOR THE FIRST TIME. AND YES NIxX, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT THIS WILL BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END. IT TOOK ME 2 WHOLE VEGETATIVE YEARS TO PAYOFF THOSE 3 MONTHS OF FUN I HAD WITH THE LAST ONE.

BUT FUCK THAT I GOT MY GUTTER TWINS TICKETS TODAY AND I'M GOING ON A TRIP. I COULD JUST GO TO THEIR NEAREST GIG BUT IT'S IN A THEATER...WITH SEATS! AND I DON'T DO NO SMOKING/NO DRINKING SEATS. TELL ME, HOW COULD ANYONE SIT STILL WHILE LISTENING TO THIS?!?

THE GUTTER TWINS- ALL MISERY/ FLOWERS

I CAN SEE MYSELF DOING ALL SORTS OF THINGS IN ALL SORTS OF POSITIONS WHILE LISTENING TO THIS, MAYBE EVEN SITTING DOWN, BUT THEY ALL INCLUDE A CIGARETTE AT SOME POINT.

NERO

TANOREXIA

2008-03-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

Today I spent 20 minutes under the 'turbo 600' also known as
'the skincancer accelerator'.
And lemme tell you, I love it!

I just love it and will keep doing it till there's no more skin left to tan. And even then... I will take all those pieces of skin they removed due to the skin cancer, sew them back together and use that as a beach towel next time I go Egypt.
I won't settle with just the long cancer I want it all!

NERO

I'M EASY TO PLEASE

2008-03-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but I found this image in the american apparel catalog and thought the caption below the image was just friggin hilarious!!!

If you feel a huge peanut fart coming on at least get out of the park.

NERO

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

2008-03-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

I was going to show you my world. So here is you and 99% of humanity :

And this is what I hear when I turn on the radio or watch TV:

Kyo-Jintai mokei 12 inch nationale tv

NERO

DEAR COWORKER,

2008-03-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

Dear coworker,

You don't know how much you pissmeoff! Even though I've expressed my emotions behind your back many times, you still continue to annoy me.
I've made up horrible lies, yet people feel sad for you for having that extra x chromosome that's responsible for your underdeveloped reproductive organs (I used organs because 3 long pubes on your chin do not make a goaty, it makes your face look like a 70 year old cunt)
Hell, I even told you straight to you face that I hate your guts and that you smell, yet you still kept on stinking your way into my already miserable workdays.

I'll admit you're kind of huggable because of your hight and size, and I would've hugged you if you didn't smell so bad. But huggable is all you are and huggable is still lightyears away from fuckable, and yet I even offerd to do you in the storage room. Saying you won't because there are cameras in the storage room and invite me over after work does not make you one lucky motherfucker, it makes you a pussy....a gay pussy.

Even after our little incident yesterday, when you where confused for a second and you thought you could tell me what to do and I wanted to kick you in your non existing nuts, I still felt sortof sad for you. I even asked NixX if I should maybe call you, to see how the suicide was coming along.

All this and YET I'm nice enough to not throw my cigarette buds at you and ignore you in peace, with the exception of an accidental 'fuck off, I can smell you....you retard....loser'.
But telling Girlfriend (aka. David), after he invited your sorry ass, that his party would be stupid and childish and that you wouldn't come is just one fuck up to much.
Not so long ago I used to be a teenage girl and trust me, I could have you cutting your wrists in no time. So sweety, next time we meet you will end the day by crying yourself to sleep while I'm in the next room screwing your father.

Yours Sincerely,

NERO

FEEL IT!

2008-03-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

Over the course of the next few days I will try to get you in the same state of mind as me. See the world from my perspective.

Let's start with this:

Feel it? No? Okay, one more:

Losing your mind doesn't just happen overnight people..no...in some cases it might happen overnight, but for me it took a good 19 years. Anyways I'll do my best to get you up to date.

NERO

WHY THE HELL NOT?

2008-03-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

NAME:NERO
AGE:21
SEX:Yes please.
ETHNICITY:Eurasian
PLACE OF BIRTH:The Permanent States of 1973
HEIGHT:5 ft 8.5
WEIGHT:I'll never tell
OCCUPATION:Don't ask
RELIGION:None
PETS:One cat & Jacques Martini
CHILDREN:I don't want to have kids (and luckily I don't have them)
ALCOHOL:I'm on a 12 step program.
SMOKING:Yes, a pack a day. I already have asthma (I'm not even joking here)
HOBBIES:Listening to music, dancing, enjoying a nice glass of wine and long walks on the beach.
LOOKING FOR:Anyone. Male, female, black, white, tall, short, skinny or fat. Basically I don't give a rats ass what you look like, as long as you're a rocket scientist. So if you have an IQ of at least a 150 and a TOE, are familiar with general relativity and quantum mechanics, don't hesitate to send me a e-mail.
Medical degree = bonus points. The same goes for the ability to play an instrument...any instrument...or if you just look good holding a guitar that's fine. Although it would be perfect if you where this guy:

Hawking, baby. Please give me a call, I swear to god it'll be worth it. You can ask anyone, old people dig me! I love cleaning and ironing, really I'm the perfect housewife! Plus I have perky breasts!

NERO

Edit-Just in case you where wondering, I'll ad a photo of me and my friend:

I'm the one on the left holding the skull next my friend NixX

(BLACK)WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY

2008-03-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, wait....Just stop! I was just watching The Secret. And it felt like some sort of scientology recruitment film, but whatever...I was watching and half way through, no, after 6 minutes I nearly went into psychosis mode. They said, well they said many things, but the thing that triggered my freakout was this:
"A thought has a frequency, every thought has a frequency. We can measure a thought. "

WHAT?!? Seriously: WHAT?!?

Now I have many questions like WHO can measure my thoughts, and what do they see when they measure them? And what motherfucking frequency are my thoughts on? Is there some weird Dr. Emmett Brown motherfucker hiding in a secret laboratory with a little thought radio?

It's like one of my worst fears has come true a long time ago and everyone knows about it except for me. They talk about it as if it's nothing. I don't give a fuck about The Secret, you can keep it a secret, but saying shit like: 'WE CAN MEASURE A THOUGHT' pisses me off. 'WE'......?

I have always had this cartoon balloon thing going on, where sometimes I think people might know what I'm thinking. This may seem strange but it's not, I know more people have this. Yet my psychologist once asked me if I ever have those thoughts, immediately followed by the question if I have ever played with my own feces. I answered a big confident yes of course... I was there for one reason and one reason only: prescription drugs. And I'll be damned if I would've let her sent me home with some boring mood stabilizers.

It might seem like I'm overreacting but these things seriously freak me out.

There are things in this world my brain just cannot handle. I can't think about these things, and I try not to let myself think about these things. But saying that I can't think about these things is more accurate. Because I can't, please stick with me here people, you won't believe how difficult it is for me to write about this.
For example the universe.
I can't get my head around outer space and the border of it, or the lack thereof. Or better, I can't deal with concept of something being never ending. See...it just happened again. I blacked out. I'm not joking people, my mind just went blank for a few seconds. I seriously have to write about something else now.

I have had this outer space shit ever since I was a little kid. My parents always thought I was joking when I said I was crying because I didn't understand it. It started with crying and eventually thinking about the infinity of space just resulted in full blown panic attacks, and I think now my brain has found a way to shut it all of. Except for this I'm perfectly normal.

Dammit, it just took me over half an hour just to write up to here.
It's just that space, time (or worse spacetime), dark matter, light speed and things like black holes scare the crap out of me. BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. Even if I read all there is to read about it, I still would not understand just because I'm not smart enough, I could barely get a high school diploma.

And now this whole blog post is just starting to piss me off.

I mean motherfucking TIME DILATION!?! And EVENT HORIZON isn't just a movie title people! Who comes up with these titles?!? Rhinorrhea is a runny nose, yet they call a Black Hole a Black Hole.

Or what about ANTIMATTER. There is matter and then there is antimatter and if you get a particle and it's antiparticle together there will be ANNIHILATION. You can't hold ANTIMATTER in your hand like a fucking tissue. It's freaking ANTIMATTER! You know what matter is right? Well this is ANTI-matter. And if there's matter in this universe there must be an equal amount of ANTI-matter. Well, where the fuck is all this ANTI-matter?!?

Christ..............I need a boyfriend.......

Queens Of The Stone Age- Everybody knows that you're insane

NERO

Baaaaaaaaaaahstard!

2008-03-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is turning into a real film-blog. That just shows you: we really have no life. We just watch movies all the time. But I really can't NOT write anything about this one.
Last night I enjoyed a horrornight at the Cool Blonde's lounge with her and some friends. And she surprised us with the New Zealand beauty of Black Sheep (brilliant site by the way). I have never seen a more hilarious horror in my life! Really, tears of laughter were running down my face. Only the Tattoo-Girl actually found it scary and even nauseating, the rest of us were laughing our asses off.
The story is about a sheepfarm in New Zealand where sheep are being genetically modified into the ultimate sheep. Of course this is just begging to go wrong. And it does! The hero is, naturally, a sheep-o-phobic who hates his brother the sheep-modifier and who gradually falls in love with the environmentalist partly responsible for releasing the mutant killer sheep. Basically, picture lots of sheep, picture Braindead, then combine the two and you have Black Sheep. But here, watch the trailer and get a better idea.

Fucking fabulous! I'm laughing again just seeing this clip, with all those wonderful memories..
We ended the evening with the much less fabulous, not to say the miserable Rest Stop. The official trailer claims it's "too shocking" for theaters. Yeah sure, THAT's the reason it went straight to dvd..
To give you an idea of how much this movie sucks:

It's slow, there is no build-up of tension whatsoever and the people in it are unbelievably stupid. Yes, that guy being run-over is a cop, so YES, he has a gun. But do you think they decide they can shoot the killer when he gets out of the car? Noooooooow. Instead, they let him fumble around for five minutes while he attaches the cops' bike to the back of his car.

The chick is left stranded by her boyfriend at a grim-looking rest stop. She decides to stay at this happy place, hoping for someone to come rescue her while she gets drunk and goes for rides with crazy Christians in mobile homes, instead of trying to get away from a psycho-killer who mutilates people in his schoolbus and comes back to this place over and over to terrorize her. Bo-ho-ring! But I guess you can't really expect a lot from a film in which you can see the leg of the camerman in the frame.. not to mention all the continuity-screw-ups. And a (very funny) cameo of Joey Lawrence. So definite winner of the evening:

NixX

SURPRISE!

2008-03-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

NixX sweety, how was work? Anyways, you better find a white T-shirt and save some beer money cause I've got tickets!

Danko Jones- Code of the Road

Ow and BTW it's a total pain in the ass to get tickets for the Gutter Twins, because of that whole Motel Mozaique bullshit. So I guess I'm just going to have to hitchhike my way to Germany or Greece and go to a show there. I NEED to see them live, you know that right? You've got any ideas? I figured since you used to work in the club manager/booking business you might know some cocks that need sucking...I dunno, just thinking out loud.

NERO

IT'S ALL ABOUT CODE 46

2008-03-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

So as an attempt to make us all forget about those 2 hours of crazy called It's all about love i'll post about Code 46. This sf film really is all about love and one of my favorite movies ever. It actually made me cry a bit...okay, okay I was bawling like a palestinian widow. But trust me, it's really really good. Why?

Here's why:

FreakPower-Song #6

Here's another reason:

Awesome dialogue:

Maria: You have a kid?
William:-Yes.
Maria: Chico or chica?
William:-Chico. Jim, his name is Jim.
Maria: I bet he's very special.
William:-He is special.
Maria: Everybody's children are so special, it makes you wonder where all the ordinary grownups come from.

And here's an even better reason:

The Free Association- Dreaming on a train

I saw this film when I was in Japan and was so moved by the music that I went out and got the CD right away. And seriously, it's the best soundtrack to have when your staying in a country like Japan. So when you're heading off for Tokyo forget your camera, toothbrush and stuff like that. Just turn your underwear inside out and listen to Code 46.

Ow, and there's also an awesome cameo apperance from this guy!

NERO

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE

2008-03-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched It's all about love, which was also about figure skating, fake polish accents, floating Africans, snow, horrible opera music, some more snow, clones and, for a total of 114 seconds, about Sean Penn. But it was predominantly about Joaquin Phoenix's eyes. Which I do love, so I guess that's where the title of this movie comes from.
But goddamn did it suck.

I know, I know it's really artsy fartsy and written and directed by Dogma 95 director Thomas Vinterberg, and yes I know, I'm just not educated enough to understand it. But the story was just friggn' ridicules and did not make any sense whatsoever. Seriously give me those 5 ye ars, $10 million and Phoenix, and I'll make you something a whole lot more interesting.....without opera music! Cause a better soundtrack could have maybe made this movie less painful to watch...I kind of doubt that though, purple rain couldn't have saved this flick from becoming a complete fiasco...I feel like that opera shit near the end was put in on purpose by the director as a joke, to make it just a bit more dreadful: 'Quick quick, the audience is down, let's kick em in the teeth before they walk out.

And you know what I just love about all of this: Vinterberg getting a $10 million budget and then failing miserably.
I always get the feeling many independent film makers think they're hot shit and that they look down on productions that get a $80 million budget. And if only they where given a better budget they would make something amazing. Well, here you have it: Vinterberg on a 'reasonable' budget. This proofs that the whole Dogma 95 movement is not about 'keeping it real'. Really, it's just a cover up so that in case the end result is crappy the directors can blame it on the dogma restrictions.
In the end Dogma is just the cinematic version of 'paint by numbers'.

The only part in It's all about love that got me really exited (apart from Joaquin Phoenix) is it's bright outlook on the future. Apparently we're allowed to smoke on airplanes again in 2021!

You can check out a review of It's all about love here, or you can just listen to this 'song' and it will give you the exact same experience as watching the movie :

cali≠gari-37564

NERO

AWESOME!

2008-03-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

NERO

THE PERMANENT JET LAG

2008-03-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

I 'suffer' from DSPS, what basically means that I'm to lazy to get up in the morning and to afraid of the dark to close my eyes at night. I've tried to get into the 'normal' routine, trust me. I've tried it North Korean all the way.
Wake 'Normal' people up at 7:00 for 3 weeks and eventually they will get tired somewhere between 21:00 and 01:00. My biological clock however does not adjust itself, wake me at 7:00 and I'll be tired all day till about 22:00. This will be the turning point and it's around this time that I will start to get active again. And this will eventually result in midday breakdowns and 38 hour days.
But I tried...And after 25 exhausting (and drug free I might add) days, I went back to the doctor who basically told me I looked like shit and that I should get some sleep.

What do I do at night in the city that always sleeps? I used to go for a nice nighttime walk....but that was before I moved to a neighborhood where the police turns on their siren just to drive through it. So I surf the world wide web, I read, I write, I play piano, I take 3 hour baths, I practice Italian, I dance, I iron, I stare at my pores, I play bass, I study Japanese or I try to learn how to juggle with 3 apples and one orange.
But most of the time I just lie in the dark smoking one cigarette after another while listening to this:

Red Garland-Please Send Me Someone to Love

So it's now 10:36 on a lame Sunday morning and after posting this I'm going to fold some more laundry, put on my pink sleeping mask and then get some sleep.

Have a great day people!

NERO

SORRY

2008-02-29T04:29:00.000-08:00

1. I'm sorry mister train cleaner, I didn't mean to throw up in your train. But if you had cleaned the toilet better I would have used that instead of the floor, really. I realize now that my sad attempt to cover it up with newspaper might have made it even worse to clean up. So sorry mister janitor.

2. I'm sorry tall metallica hoody wearing dude from Wales, I didn't mean to use you as a human towel all night. But to be fair, I did get permission from your friend. I never got your name, probably because I didn't ask. Or talked to you at all for that matter...You have nice friends though.

3. I'm sorry mom, for having no self respect whatshowever and being one of those girls. But please try to understand I only act like that because I have low self esteem. And my therapist told me that you are partially responsible for that...And tits are genetically passed down talents....Anyway, I did it again and I'm sorry.

This is a sculpture made by Duane Hanson

NERO

I JUST WANNA DANCE

2008-02-28T06:32:00.001-08:00

Right now I'm thinking of going to the Queens of the stone age, and I have 4 more hours to make up my mind. I have wanted to see this band live for 3 whole months now! (see, that sarcasm is my way of talking myself out of it) No seriously, I've never really been into Qotsa until I saw this clip of them performing misfit love at Henry Rollins.

This right here is the definition of awesomeness....This song feels like techno and I'm hoping some day that 58 minute instrumental version shows up.

I bought songs for the deaf long time ago and liked it but hearing no one knows all day everyday on the radio pissed me of so much, i just thought fuck it. Not only that but those qotsa/eagles of death metal/dessert session/foo fighter/and-what-not fans creep me out a bit. Those people sleep in front of venues and get all massive obsessive and shit, it's just wack.

ANYWAYS

Why not go?
It's sold out (???WTF???) but that's not a problem, I always get in (sounds arrogant but it's true). The problem is I only have about 129,- left for the rest of the month and I will seriously die of liver failure if I get wasted again, which I'll probably be before I even get there. And it took 3 days and 2 seasons of lost to recover from last saturday. (btw, thanks for that NixX, I had a great time)

I have to quit writing now, I need to get dressed...

NERO

0_o

2008-02-27T13:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I was really angry after coming back from the apple store today but fuck that. I just watched this clip and it could very well be the new alternative for that anger management counseling bullshit. Or euthanasia, I nearly died laughing.

NERO

Going Deep

2008-02-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

Last night, for the first (and probably last) time in my life, I saw the porn-classic Deep Throat. Its airing on public access television had been the issue of much debate in the last couple of weeks. Funny how after more than 25 years politicians still respond to the film in exactly the same manner: Let's ban it! Even the president was asked to get involved in stopping this film.
So you can imagine my hopes getting high! But once again, the story of my life, it all turned into a big disappointment. Prior to the film, there was a debate about it on tv and then the documentary Inside Deep Throat. This was as much about the social, political and cultural reactions to the film as it was about Linda Lovelace claiming it was all rape, and Harry Reems almost going to jail for five years for the crime of having his cock sucked.
But the funniest thing about it was Gerard Damiano, the director. He claimed that the big consequence of making Deep Throat was the liberation and therefore booming of the porn industry. But that, in his eyes, was a bad thing. After all, with porn becoming an industry instead of an artform (tell me TELL ME when was this ever an artform??!!) great storylines were replaced by factory-style montages of sexscene after sexscene. The need for real filmmakers disappeared.
So when the real thing started, I expected a nice storyline and an artistic film. But what I got was: HELLO! dumb sexscene after dumb sexscene. The well-known 'storyline' is of course that Linda's clitoris is located in the back of her throat. So she can only get real satisfaction by doing tadaaaaa: deep throats. This very deep storyline (no pun intended) is followed for about five minutes, after which it is all about fucking and sucking scenes. This has to be the worst porn flick I have ever seen! It is boring and not for one second arousing. The most remarkable thing about the entire film is Linda Lovelace having a bald pussy in the early seventies!
By the way, for a film that is supposed to be centered around deep throating there is not a hell of a lot of deeping going on. As a matter of fact, it had the least deep throating I have ever seen in a porn.
Come to think of it, the terms for it are weird, aren't they? I mean, 'blow job' has the wrong idea about it. You don't blow on it, you suck on it! But at least that could be ethymologically explained as stemming from 'below job' (b'low job), as in working beneath the belt so to speak. After all, this comes close to 'going down on someone'. But the words: 'giving head'?! What is that supposed to mean? I am offering my head for you to thrust in? What? Giving your head to the penis?
But still, respect to Linda for being able to do that. I know I can't. Trust me, I tried. Unless the dick is small enough of course. I am a serious barf-phobic. And I have this weird image in my head of a knob getting stuck in the back of my throat, behind my uvula (yeah, look that one up in the dictionary people). Not a very pleasant image and almost enough to make me gag right now. Thank god this incredibly sexy lady has all the answers..

It's all about the drool baby..

NixX

I HATE APPLE

2008-02-21T03:20:00.000-08:00

So yeah you know those mac geniuses? Neither do I, there are fucking idiots working at those mac stores. Words can not describe how fucking pissed off I am right now. I would express myself in Britney but I don't think that could get it across either.

LIES ALL LIES, apple might just as well cast Tom Cruise for their next commercial.

I had an Ipod once, I dropped it in a cup of coffee and found it there an hour later, after I had remembered I made a cup of coffee. I took it back to the store and got a free new Ipod, and thought 'Gosh, these apple people sure are nice!'

That new Ipod lasted for about a year, so I went back and they said they told me that I couldn't get a new one because the first one (The Brazilian cinnamon roast one) was bought over a year ago. Although the replacement one they had given me was less then a year old they still refused. But hey, I can live with that I wanted a new video version anyway. So I got me a new Ipod.
Then one day I decided to part ways with my good ol pc and switch to a MacBook.
Something I regret more than that Prince tattoo on my ass.
First I couldn't use the 300 euro drawing tablet I already had. Then Garageband kept crashing. Then the dvd writer went to hell. Then 2 pixels passed away. Then the magnet thingy to close the damn thing with came loose. And in the end the hard drive started to make funny noises and died on me.
Now this all happened in before I even finished paying the fucker. Last week I took it too the mac store and they said they would fix it or get me a new one.

THE PROBLEM:

First I thought great I'm getting a new mac and I have some back-ups so throw the old thing away. Then I realized their are bootlegs and photo's of my now dead cat on there that I can't replace. Not to mention a list of all my passwords and other stuff I need to log in. (Yes, I'm an idiot I can't remember shit like that.) So I called the 'geniuses', and they told me it was broken and they where going to replace just the hard drive. So I was like what is going to happen to the old one and they said they where tossing it. I know a Computer Doctor so I was like no give it back or put the shit on a external hard drive....I'll pay. That for some reason couldn't be done, and after 10 minutes of bitching and whining she said she would call the person in charge and call me back later about what would happen to my hard drive.
I was about to hang up when I realised...... the hard drive mmmm.... WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT OTHER SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK?!?!
So apparently I'm just going to have to learn to live with a lose magnet, a dvd-drive that doesn't work and a dead pixel infection. So I just asked how long she thinks my old Macbook will last:
' just long enough for the warranty to expire?' and then hung up.

I work with costumers and I know this kind of approach doesn't work but she pissed me off so bad, I just couldn't help myself. It was not just the macbook thing but also the fact that I just bought 5 new cds and I want to put them on my Ipod really bad, but I can't cause if I hook my Ipod up to my pc it's tells me it's going to have to reset itself because it has a mac index now. And some of the bootlegs that are on my Ipod I only have on my Ipod and my macbook, that may or may not already be gone.

So yeah, now that I got that out of my system. Check this link and try to tell me that it's not one of the most awesome things you've ever heard!

NERO

The Happiness of Sweeny Todd

2008-02-15T17:09:00.000-08:00

Talking about films: what is up with the fucking hype about Sweeny Todd?? I mean, I haven't seen the movie myself, but seriously. All this talk about Johnny Depp being 'such a great singer'. My ass! I happen to be a big Depp-fan, but I have seen some promo's and trust me, the man can NOT sing. Judge for yourself:

Not such a big success, ey? But maybe I'm not the best person to judge. I've never been much of a musical fan. But I do have a favourite! It is by the wonderful Japanese director Miike Takashi. This man is one of the most productive filmmakers ever with over 60 films in 13 years! He is mostly known for his very violent films, such as Ichi the Killer, Visitor Q, the Dead Or Alive trilogy and Hostel. All the more reason to be surprised by this comic musical he squeezed out in between: Katakuri-ke no kôfuku, also known as: The Happiness of the Katakuris!

Trust me, it kicks serious ass. By the way, Nero wants to add that her dad is a gay pussy because he wants to live on Musical-lane (who on earth would WANT to name a street that?!)
And another by the way: Visitor Q is promoted as the most shocking and horrible film Takashi ever made. So I had my hopes set high when I saw that! But I was a bit disappointed when all it turned out to be was a lot of milk flying around and a father having sex with his daugther in a whore-house. So I'm up for a challenge! Anyone who has some good shocking tips: bring it on!
And by shocking I DON'T mean two girls and one cup.....

NixX

Fake documentary or wishful thinking?

2008-02-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

Talking about politics, and integration problems, Neeineei and I saw this film last night:

It is an eerie realistic preview of what might happen one day. Go see it!

NixX

Moral schmoral!

2008-02-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

My country is in trouble. It has been for some time now. Of course, it's easy to get in trouble when a whole bunch of people have to live together on just a little bit of land. And as if there weren't enough of us here, a whole lot of other people from other countries came here to live with us. Now, I'm not that guy with the weird moustache and the spasm in his arm saying that our country is full. But I do believe that a lot of our current trouble started when other people decided to come here and never leave again.
Yes, I know this is a subject that nobody wants to touch with a fifty-foot pole. The word integration in itself is enough to make people walk on eggshells. But that is exactly where everything went wrong. From the very beginning of the immigration-era, our society has been walking on eggshells. With us not being clear to the newcomers from the very beginning about how life is lived over here, how can we expect them to know what the rules are?
By now it is too late to change that. To cover up this mistake from long ago, our politicians now like to emphasize the words tolerance and respect for religion when the moral debate is on. In my opinion however, you don't need religion in order to have proper morals. As a matter of fact, you're probably better off without religion. Sure, in theory all religions are based on peace and love. But we all know the practice is a whole different ballgame. And religion should definitely have no place in politics.
The solution to this problem is very simple actually. We go back to the line this country is famous for: just act normal. And no, it is not normal to beat a young girl to a pulp because she had sex with her boyfriend (notice how the guy always gets away with it?). Just as it is not normal to beat someone to death because they asked you to turn the music down or to stop beating up someone else.
I think if we all stick to two extra rules, there will be no more problems.

I won't bother you if you won't bother me
If it ain't yours, don't take it

(Rule number one includes playing loud music on your mobile phone on buses and trains. This bothers me and will result in the phone either being rammed down your own throat or thrown out the window. Headphones were invented for a reason you know.)
As far as religion is concerned: this also falls in the category of rule number one. You can practice it, as long as it doesn't bother me. For religion I am now making an extra rule by the way: if your God is as allmighty as you say he is, trust in him to solve the problem and punish the bad guys. It is not up to you to decide who is wrong and who is right.
There, now we can all live together peacefully again.

NixX

The Blues

2008-02-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

In the category "express yourself in Britney" this is how I'm feeling today. This blog was created to talk about things we hate: well, right now I'm hating myself. I'm a sarcastic bitch with no life, no personality and a fucked up mind. Thank god there's always one thing to hate more than me: men.

That's right, I'm doing it, I'm putting in the man-bashing. I'm old, I'm bitter, there's nothing left for me to do but this. God I wish I could enjoy eating carpet.

Men suck! They are dogs that cannot be trusted and lead their lives in whatever direction their dicks point them. They are completely pointless, who needs them anyway? There's nothing they can do that I can't do better myself.

Well, except technical stuff, with wires and computers and shit.

And fixing the flat tires on my bike.
And assembling my Ikea-furniture.

And lifting heavy shit.

And killing spiders.

Ow fuck it. Fine, they can stay!

NixX

Hurray!

2008-02-11T02:17:00.000-08:00

I HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!

And not only that there are some cool things I can do with it, I get free wigs and I can have all sorts of alternative therapy and medicine.
Like these tiger penises for example.

Of course this is totally acceptable, just like not having any human rights when you live in China.
China is an important trading partner.....
Yeah right, like we don't have child labor or slaves in Europe or the US!?

Whev!

NERO

DAMN THE MAN!

2008-02-11T01:25:00.000-08:00

Christ I'm SO getting fired tomorrow!
And when I called to make a new appointment with my therapist I found out that I'm not insured.
So I'm going to call some random isurance company's and ask if I'm a client.
I'll continue this post in 30 minustes and let you guys know if I have health insurance or not.

NERO

Pepsie ??/??/??-02/02/2008

2008-02-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

My cat died today. She is the person I spend the most time with the past 13 years. I've been crying for 3 days. And I'm crying right now. And right now I just don't know anymore...so...i don't know..

NERO

I won't grow up!

2008-01-31T04:37:00.000-08:00

I wish I could call this guy my friend!

His name is Randy Constan and he lives in Tampa Florida. He has 'a thing' for Peter Pan so he dresses like peter pan and has a whole site dedicated to this character.
So check out his site here, or add him as a friend on myspace and show him some love.

People like this make you realize your friends suck.

I know y'all have been working hard for the self esteem you have, but let me tell you. Unless your this guy (or Prince) you suck. You're boring. And I know you think you're all that, but no. You'll never have the balls this man has.

(to be fair, he is wearing spandex, which makes it more obvious)

Next week NixX & Nero will hold the first ever 'I'll be the judge of that!' contest.

Everyone is free to enter the contest.
So what we would like to see is a drawing, an essay, a video, a song or a sculpture of your childhood hero. It really can be anyone or anything as long as you believed it when you where a kid. And you can express yourself anyway you want even in dance or in Britney. I personally would like to see a photo of you dressed up as your hero, but like I said anything goes.
As long as it tells us who/what your hero was and the reason why this was your savior.
Judges will be yours truly, NixX and my 80 something year old grandpafriend Bluebeard.

And now for the prize: The Winner will get an official 'Be a pixie' picture, signed by Randy 'Peter Pan' Constan himself.

NERO

3 minutes

2008-01-27T09:23:00.000-08:00

3 minutes ain't that long, but please watch this clip turn 3 minutes into....forevah.
It did not seem to end. I nearly died laughing.

I love how he keeps popping up every now and then!

I found this clip while looking into one of my old obsessions.
暴走族 (Bosozoku)。
Bosozoku are Japanese bike gangs that are really just a bunch of juvenile delinquents on with awesomely modified bikes. And their style is just the best thing ever!
During my time in Japan they used to drive through town every Friday running red lights, waving around flags and baseball bats and producing a ridicules amount of noise.
No doubt, I will post more about this subculture. Now that I think of it I might make an entire blog just about Japanese gangs. Yeah, I just love badasses!

NERO

edit: after writing this I ran into the deluxe edition....
It's 3 of them!!! And just when I thought it couldn't get any better.....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2008-01-26T08:27:00.000-08:00

can't say a word.. too much.. shock!

the horror! the horror the horror the horror..

2008-01-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

I'm with you! Feeling more like this myself today. I was thinking of throwing in the red panties, but no-one wants to see that one, really.

....

2008-01-26T02:43:00.000-08:00

Today, instead of using written word to communicate, let's express our selfs in Britney.

You come up with your own caption Y'all!

Nero

Fallen heroes

2008-01-25T15:03:00.000-08:00

Just a short update on the fallen heroes of the week: they tried to make her go to rehab and she said yes yes yes! Sure, we all want Amy to live and be happy. And rehab is probably the only option left for her. But do we really want her to go there? When you think about it, honestly, what would be more fitting: her dying River Phoenix-style (or should I say Heath Ledger style? O, that's right, he didn't die of an overdose. Sure) or her becoming the new Sting all mellow and singing for the rights of the Indians and tantric sex? She might go Yoko Ono on our asses!

And the biggest loser of the week: Jared Leto! Former hunk turned skanklicker when caught in the arms -and liplock- of none other than hoochie-mama Paris Hilton. (I know, nobody uses that word, but I just had to do it once in my life) Even with his arm falling off in Requiem for a Dream he was lovable. I even forgave him for the stupid shit he did with 30 Seconds to Mars, but this does it! Jared, you are now officially blacklisted!

Lost and found

2008-01-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

After the sad disillusionment of seeing Viggo Mortensen naked (I say he needs a nice tan, some longer hair with a little colour in it and a bit of stubble. No, strike that, he needs some clothes) I have to compensate with a hot (almost) naked guy. So Nero, I'm sorry for putting some commercial shit on our blog, but I have to get that naked fight out of my head, it's giving me nightmares. Yeah, it's all great that there is finally someone who has the guts to have a naked guy running around with no shame whatsoever. But let's face it, a limp sweaty dick flying all over the place really isn't all that attractive. I'm starting to get the point of why they always only show naked women in films. Not that I'm gay or anything. Except when it comes to Nero of course. Anyway. Here's a little hunk-a-lovin' man to wash the nastiness away.

Ahhh, Sawyer, the best band-aid any woman could ever ask for. Better than any Fa-girl I ever saw. Thank god the new season of Lost is starting in six days.. For anyone who can't wait for the weirdness: you can always go and check out this movie from the same team:

It's probably going to be a big disappointment though: Blairwitch meets Deep Impact meets Godzilla kind of thing. 'Cause that's all life really is: one big disappointment. I'm off. Gonna build a cage in my backyard. Maybe one day I'll wake up to find something crawled into it. Who knows, maybe even something like this..

Introducing NeeiNeei

2008-01-24T18:32:00.000-08:00

This one is for our dear friend NeeiNeei the Strange.
She is working on a paper about WOW right this very moment. 10 pages in 10 hours. Our prayers are with her.
Elf power 7 baby, elf power 7...

Nero

Full frontal

2008-01-24T17:22:00.000-08:00

I was going to write about the crisis in the middle east but then I mentioned something about Aragon (or whatever the dude's name is, if you have watched more than one part of the LOTR trilogy you're gay. No really you are. Maybe gay isn't the right word. I'm down with gay people, they have blessed us with the Village People and Right Said Fred..........and AIDS (No, I'm kidding, I did not just write that......sorry) Anyways you're an emo fag! )
But I mentioned he's playing a Russian, fighting, in a sauna, naked. And NixX pretty much called me gay for not posting it sooner and she's right.

So fuck Israel and the fact that Palestinians are human beings. I've always thought food and fuel where overrated.
I can't wait till Israel accidentally nukes it's self, and the rest of the world won't be harmed because Israel has build those nice big walls. They are still building those walls by the way.....all around......big grey walls....with some barbwire here and there, like a park or camp if you will, and a high concentration of jews inside those walls....get where I'm going with this? Owwwww the Irony......

Anyway back to what really matter. Ow yesss full frontal male nudity!

Nero

I'm soooo sleepy

2008-01-23T14:57:00.000-08:00

Today I have been mood swinging like a motherfucker. I went from tired to happy to slightly depressed. Then I was in love for about 4 hours and after that I just got pissed and now I'm back to tired again.
I also feared for my life today, remember the last post? Well I might be one of your dead myspace friends by next Monday.
Gosh Nero, having big plans for the weekend? No, I have zero plans for this weekend, yet I'll be fucked up Monday, how depressing is that.
I went to the hospital for a check up today and apparently my doctor is worried. Keep in mind that this is a lung&heart specialist that deals with hundreds of people with all sorts of lung diseases like 'the big C' (or as we call it the big K) everyday.
And it's not so much my lungs this time, I can combine the asthma and the cigarettes just fine.

No this time it's my liver that wants out. That fat fuck and I had a deal I would drink and he would breakdown the toxic substances. He did some other stuff but let's just say he was pretty preoccupied with the breaking down stuff.
And he was really really good at it (You where, my sweet sweet liver). But now the bitch wants out, and he wants half. Not only half, he wants to keep the house. Remember we're talking about my liver, not his body.

I guess he felt neglected next to my lungs, who are the center of attention every 10 minutes when I light a cigarette and I try to cough 'em up. Well, now he will get his chance to shine, Monday mourning when I have to be back in the hospital for some bad news.

Maybe my liver could hook up with Amy's liver, they could make little baby livers together and then one of the kids could move in with me. I just hope my liver wasn't related to this liver. (was that tasteless? I dunno...........whatever, people I'm the one dying here remember?!)

So Just in case, Nixx sweety , will you do something for me? If I ever die, although I'm still not fully convinced I can die, but if it turns out that i'm really not G.o.d. Could you please make sure nobody ever reads any of my writings. You can have my mac, my external hard drives and all nastiness that's on there. But for the love of god keep them away from anyone other that you, especially my parents. Also make sure they don't find out about any of my habits....
You know what, I'll drop by tomorrow and give you the keys to my place, as soon as I find them... Anyway make sure 'someone put it in my drink' (in my ice tea, I don't drink caffeine and alcohol remember). I think you know what to do with the music at the funeral, make 'em cry and then end with a little 'Me so horny' or 'Superfunkycalifragisexy' (any Right Said Fred is always good). Ow and please make sure my make-up looks good, and this is really important, NO BLUE EYESHADOW! I don't wanna look like hell when I'm meeting James Dean and River Phoenix for my first threesome in heaven (no pun intended). If it's really true that your hair keeps growing some more after you die, get that Iranian girl from work to fix my eyebrows. Make it look like I'm in that coffin because I was suffocated by my cleavage. What else...could you get my diaries cross out any names and leave them in a library when you go to Berlin. I know you can't do magic (what am i saying, of course you can) but, I would like to not be remembered as a lesbian. My aunt the shrink made that one up and I think the rest of my family believed that skank. And for fuck sake go and get a better job! That's it I think, one more thing, if by any chance 'saturnalia' by the Guttertwins is finally out get me a copy will you?

What's in it for you? There's 100 bucks hidden in the broken DVD player on my tv and some love hidden in a little red glittery box. If you don't want the box, flush it before they search my bedroom. Of course you can have all my books, movies, cd's and porn heels. And the sneakers, get the sneakers the pink adidas where an estimated 370 last time I checked.

Thanks NixX. Love ya!

This one's for you!

Nero

Because it's monday morning

2008-01-21T00:58:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard about this site yet, go check it out. It's called My Death Space and it's a great way to check who of your friends on myspace didn't survive the weekend.
It sure as hell made me feel a lot better about my weekend....
and a lot worse about still having Monday mornings....
while I could be dead instead....
and so could you....
but of course Amy couldn't.

NERO

And the academy goes to....

2008-01-20T22:38:00.000-08:00

Remember Andy Kaufman? He is now in the middle of his best performance ever.

The clip below shows Tom Cruise and it's freaky and scary and you're thinking to yourself: 'Gosh this guy is insane, he is even acting in his interviews.....It's scary...it's really really scary'. And then you'll go and ask your mother if scary people like this really exist in this world, and she will probably give you the whole 'don't do drugs' routine again.
But while all you people are shitting your pants, I am in fact laughing my ass off. Why?

Because I KNOW the truth.

And the truth is Andy Kaufman created the Tom Cruise. I swear, Kaufman had some plastic surgery and is now doing his best performance ever. And not only did he invent the 'crazy Cruise', Kaufman also invented Scientology. Which I find fucking genius, seriously it's the best joke ever.
So let's all celebrate scientology today because it has been providing us with great jokes for many years now. And not only that, scientology makes even the weirdest Jewish Hindumuslims feel good about them selfs and even more confident about their religious believes.

So there you have it, the truth is out. Tom Cruise is actually Andy Kaufman. And he should come out as soon as he's nominated for an academy award, because he's not only acting the tom cruise alter ego, he's also acting that he's acting in interviews. It's truly a brilliant performance.

NERO

This is how it works, if something is bothering Nixx it's bothering me.
If Nixx hates you I will kick your ass, virtually speaking. In real life I'd rape your parents and make you videotape it.

I'll admit

2008-01-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

I'm the pussy, but I don't want to get sued by some pie baking New Jersey mom when I'm posting things like this:

These photos are made by
LARRY CLARK
one of the best photographers èvah.

I love making lists and this picture below is definitely up there in the top 3 of favorite photos.

So, I'm sorry Nixx. I had to get a warning thingy.

NERO

Score!

2008-01-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

Yesssssss! We have been online for only five days and we have a content warning!! This can mean only three things:

a. We actually have readers!
b. Scientology is more powerful than we think
c. Nero put in a complaint to Google herself to make this blog look a little more interesting to new visitors.

O wait, it can mean one more thing!

d. People are pussies!

Nixx

Ahhhhhhhh

2008-01-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

Look what I found, I think it's dead...

NERO

No more GnR for you...

2008-01-18T17:50:00.001-08:00

So here's an important life lesson, learn to whistle. I never learned, and as a result of that, whenever I have a song stuck in my head I have to hum or sing. And when that song happens to be welcome to the jungle, I have to embarrass myself. Cause even when you think there's no one around and it's safe to quietly let out just a little bit of 'shun,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n KNEES, KNEES' it's still the same damn thing as raping a cat in a library. And half of the people in China* go:'Who gave that cat raping bitch a megaphone?!'**

NERO
                              
*i.e. that one kindofcute guy at work.
**remember Katie Melua, the singer not the STD.
        

So no more GnR after this:

I love this Guns N' Roses clip. Slash fucking up and then going, 'yeah come on people' shaking his head. While Matt and Duff just have 'WTF?!' written all over.

Yeah... yeah, that's not really what happend, matt fucks up and slash is the one that goes wtf. But it's more fun the other way.

You Bastards!

2008-01-17T14:11:00.000-08:00

As you may have noticed, the fuckfaces of scientology removed the Youtube clip I referred to earlier, so as revenge the probably all too wellknown but still amazing other Tom Cruise footage of him making a complete ass of himself.

Nixx

Permanent

2008-01-17T04:32:00.000-08:00

Easy victim, but always to be hated: Tom Cruise and his scientology crap. Notice how he doesn't actually say anything. And that wild look in his eyes. Fucking devil incarnate.

Nixx

Annoying

2008-01-16T07:29:00.000-08:00

Currently hating: cheerful springbirds trying to ruin my perfectly comfortable winter depression.
O, and that whining cat in the back yard. Hmm.. wonder if I could combine the two, would be the perfect solution to all my problems.

Nixx

I hate this blog already!

2008-01-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

I really hate this shit I just spent 10 minutes trying to find this page and then another 20 just to log in. Never doing this again!

NERO (and how was your day?)

Ta-Dah

2008-01-13T21:17:00.000-08:00

So...the first ever post. When we started this I really for once didn't have anything to bitch about, well that all changed pretty fucking fast. It's now 9.30 in the morning and I have been hating html for 9 hours straight. I hate it and it's just stupid and every 5 minutes my ADD starts kicking in and I start doing something else and i already hate this blog and I hate html. But i did come across the perfect match for NixX, who has been sleeping all night. Naked!

Nero

  I While I was up all night NixX was sleeping just like this.