Need a hobby?

Summer is coming, so all you lucky bastards are probably gonna have some time off. But just in case you don't have any money to go on vacation and fear you might get bored, here's a little something you could do with all that free time.

To be fair: I stole this one from Hot Gameguy, so the credit goes to him.

NixX

THE NEXT DUNGEON GIRL

O, and a couple of posts ago, you were talking about that Austrian girl in the basement right? You asked yourself who the next one would be? Meet the Next Dungeon Girl:

Our friend Tom has sent her off to Scientology Bootcamp because she didn't get involved in his religion enough. I'd say: Bye bye Katie..

NixX

ROCKBAND

And to feed your new-found Rockband-addiction: I think this song should definitely be on Rockband!! I just came across it going through my vinyl-collection.

NixX

COMMENT

Nero darling, you of all people should know I would be the last person on earth to get a life! As a matter of fact, I just traded in the little life I had for no life whatsoever. Yes, you guessed right! I'm going to be one of the watercoolerconversation-people. Five days straight on the fourth floor of a huge cubicle-filled government flat. I'm looking forward to it already - she said with a bland face -.

I just finished reading Then we came to the end by Joshua Ferris to prepare myself. But I'm not sure whether that helped or just made things worse. It's strange, I was so looking forward to getting away from my current job. But now I get this eerie feeling that before long I will be wanting to throw myself off that skyscraper.


So it's not my so-called life that kept me from blogging. I am just very aware that I will never be able to compete with your incredible stories and you know how I hate acknowledgeing defeat. If anything, you have killed my dream to become a writer, because you faced me with the fact that I am not a storyteller at all. There, now we're both depressed.


Anyway, I just wanted to respond to your Trek-blog. I think we should become trekkies too. Life seems so simple when you're a trekkie. Like that one guy, who's only dream was to build a big shelve to put all his stuff on. Or that guy at the Vulcan-town party who summed up the beauty of life in the words: "this year we even had a girl coming". And even though the notion of the trek-psycho-therapist (how sane can he make you?), surgeon and dentist kind of scared me, I know you would love to go to a dentists office like that! But knowing us we would probably end up being killed by that psycho Gabriel kid, the VERY creepy moviemaker.



I will admit I saw a fair share of episodes myself. But never as a matter of choice, always more a matter of the remote being too far away or there really being nothing else on tv. (We didn't have that many channels back then) My personal favourite was this guy:

But that was probably mostly because he somehow reminded me of the captain of that other ship I loved so much (woohahahaha..). They had that same benevolant patriarchal care about them. And the same surroundings of bad costumes and cardboard walls of course. O and I really hated that captain Janeway, the she-wolf.

I remember seeing another documentary on Star Trek and other sci-fi films when I took a course in science fiction films at university. The big tagline of Star Trek was of course TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. But then came the Deep Space Nine series, about a stationary post in space. So the commentary-guy in the documentary said: Deep Space Nine: TO BOLDLY GO uhm.. STAY PUT! I thought that was kind of hilarious. And in the case of captain Picard it was of course TO BALDLY GO... Yes, I know, I'll stop being so darn funny right now.

NixX

UP NORTH

I love Norway. Whenever I'm there, I just want to take a backpack and walk into the mountains never to be seen again. Apparently, there are a lot of people who actually do this. It is assumed however that it was not their intention never to be seen again.
But just look at this:

Wouldn't you want to do the same?
Picture yourself waking up on a crispy fresh morning with a moose on your front porch! Eating fresh laks and warm wafers with homemade blueberry jam and whipped cream. Soft elk leather. Glaciers the size of Belgium. Fjords deeper than the mountains are high.
All these wonderfull things you can find there and only there.
Occasionally though, wonderful things come out of Norway. Like these guys!

One of my favourite bands is finally coming over again, all the way from coastal Stavanger, to my very home town!! I can't wait to see them live again. Here's a taste of what they sound like. Not my favourite song, but I don't want to bother you with crappy live-footage. I would recommend Hey Jane, but this one will do just fine.

And after that, I think I should really go back north to finally take that long walk in the wilderness. I need a holiday!!

NixX

FALLEN ANGEL

IN MEMORIAM: JULIETTE LEWIS

I've always had a soft spot for this beautiful, crazy actress slash singer. I always thought she was the coolest person on earth. Until I saw a BBC documentary by John Sweeny last week. It turns out that.. I can hardly even get the words out of my mouth.. I mean my laptop.. It turns out that she is a SCIENTOLOGIST!! I didn't know this before, maybe that was just stupid of me. Maybe I was just in denial.. But now I can't take her serious anymore. SHE IS DEAD TO ME! Juliette, thank you for all the wonderful times we spent together, I will always cherish those memories, but our ways have to part here. In my eyes, you no longer exist.

Goodbye..

By the way, I did know that Scientology was a very creepy organisation of course, but it's even worse than I imagined. Throughout that documentary, Sweeny was being followed, intimidated and just plain harassed by this guy:
Tommy Davis is the name, some big shot at Scientology. See how he is even trying to look like Cruise? He also has the same insane look in his eyes. He was incredibly aggressive towards Sweeny. Apparently it is a wellknown Scientology strategy to follow opponents and let them know they are being followed. Just to try and freak them out.
You want to piss this guy off? All you have to say is that Scientology is a cult. He will lose all control, get in your face and try to spit you to death yelling out how stupid an biased you are. So please, if you ever run into this guy, follow him around. Stay very close by and keep yelling in his ear: leave me alone man! Leave me alone!
There is a risk to this though, you might end up 'committing suicide' as apparently their biggest opponent Shawn Lonsdale did right after he got interviewed by Sweeny. Strange, he seemed perfectly uplift and stable during the interview..

NixX

OH WHAT TO DO

Working sucks. People who say they would get bored without a job, I don't understand them. I would be happy just sitting around all day! Watch a little tv, read a book, play some games, sleep a little, surf the net, just staring out the window. There is nothing wrong with that! But maybe I'm just good at entertaining myself. It helps to appreciate your company of course.
I got my masters degree six months ago. So now I am supposed to be ready and qualified to get a Real Job. You know, a Mature one. One that gives you a Steady Income with which you can Buy A House and build up a Pension and shit. So you can live a Responsible Life an be a Valuable Member of Society.
Unfortunately, I didn't get one of those educations where they actually teach you helpful things. All they taught me were other peoples opinions about unimportant stuff and how to give mine sounding like a snob who knows shit.
So now I'm kind of at a loss. Smack down in the middle of that black hole everybody always talks about. What to do with the rest of my life? I could just stay with Nero working our current shitty job. But she's not going to be there forever and I'm getting real tired of living on the edge of bankrupcy every month. I'm not ambitious at all, I'm not looking for a 'challenge' in my work. Trust me, my life itself is challenge enough. At work I just want some peace and quiet. You work to live, not the other way around, right? It's a cliché, and I hate those, but I have to agree with this one.
I see people around me who work their asses off, spending even most of their free time on 'just finishing off this last bit for the meeting on monday' or something like that. And then they tell me that "once you find a job you really like, you'll want to work just as hard at it, because you're motivated and enjoy what you do". NO I WON'T! There's a reason you get paid for working people: it's not fun. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying their work.
I used to think it could be fun too, when I was young and innocent (a long, looong, time ago). I used to have some dreamjobs. I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Digging up whole dinosaurs in the desert somewhere! How cool is that. Then I found out that it's more about digging up 2 inch bone fragments and screaming hallelujah! And that's if you're lucky! Most of them only get to go to buildingsites to find sharves of old pots. Big fucking whoopie..

Then I got myself a new hobby and decided I could be a professional one of these:

The upsides of this of course being thin and limber, and rubbing up to well-built, strong men all day. The downsides: those men wear tights all day and love rubbing up to well-built men just as much as you do.. O, and the limber part: it fucking hurts! So that was another dream lost.

As I was getting older my dreamjobs got a little more sophisticated. I started dreaming about being this girl:

Remember her? Of course, the guy to her left had something to do with that dream. How cool would it be to chase after guys like these?

It didn't take long before I realised that being a profiler would not actually make me a psychic, which was a pretty sour disappointment. Besides, the dame with the hoarse voice was starting to bug me with her ever-sorrowfull look. And, being a teenager, I naturally got depressed and started to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have the thoughts of serial-killers in my head all day after all. And since there are no serial killers in this country, I would get bored pretty quickly I guess..

So now I am out of options. All the good jobs are not as good as they seemed, impossible to obtain or just out of my league. Am I condemned to be another office-drone? Can anyone convince me that there are jobs out there that don't suck? Can anyone please tell me how I can turn doing nothing or playing computergames all day into a paying job??

Please?

Baaaaaaaaaaahstard!

This is turning into a real film-blog. That just shows you: we really have no life. We just watch movies all the time. But I really can't NOT write anything about this one.
Last night I enjoyed a horrornight at the Cool Blonde's lounge with her and some friends. And she surprised us with the New Zealand beauty of Black Sheep (brilliant site by the way). I have never seen a more hilarious horror in my life! Really, tears of laughter were running down my face. Only the Tattoo-Girl actually found it scary and even nauseating, the rest of us were laughing our asses off.
The story is about a sheepfarm in New Zealand where sheep are being genetically modified into the ultimate sheep. Of course this is just begging to go wrong. And it does! The hero is, naturally, a sheep-o-phobic who hates his brother the sheep-modifier and who gradually falls in love with the environmentalist partly responsible for releasing the mutant killer sheep. Basically, picture lots of sheep, picture Braindead, then combine the two and you have Black Sheep. But here, watch the trailer and get a better idea.

Fucking fabulous! I'm laughing again just seeing this clip, with all those wonderful memories..
We ended the evening with the much less fabulous, not to say the miserable Rest Stop. The official trailer claims it's "too shocking" for theaters. Yeah sure, THAT's the reason it went straight to dvd..
To give you an idea of how much this movie sucks:

It's slow, there is no build-up of tension whatsoever and the people in it are unbelievably stupid. Yes, that guy being run-over is a cop, so YES, he has a gun. But do you think they decide they can shoot the killer when he gets out of the car? Noooooooow. Instead, they let him fumble around for five minutes while he attaches the cops' bike to the back of his car.

The chick is left stranded by her boyfriend at a grim-looking rest stop. She decides to stay at this happy place, hoping for someone to come rescue her while she gets drunk and goes for rides with crazy Christians in mobile homes, instead of trying to get away from a psycho-killer who mutilates people in his schoolbus and comes back to this place over and over to terrorize her. Bo-ho-ring! But I guess you can't really expect a lot from a film in which you can see the leg of the camerman in the frame.. not to mention all the continuity-screw-ups. And a (very funny) cameo of Joey Lawrence. So definite winner of the evening:

NixX

Going Deep

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The Happiness of Sweeny Todd

Talking about films: what is up with the fucking hype about Sweeny Todd?? I mean, I haven't seen the movie myself, but seriously. All this talk about Johnny Depp being 'such a great singer'. My ass! I happen to be a big Depp-fan, but I have seen some promo's and trust me, the man can NOT sing. Judge for yourself:

Not such a big success, ey? But maybe I'm not the best person to judge. I've never been much of a musical fan. But I do have a favourite! It is by the wonderful Japanese director Miike Takashi. This man is one of the most productive filmmakers ever with over 60 films in 13 years! He is mostly known for his very violent films, such as Ichi the Killer, Visitor Q, the Dead Or Alive trilogy and Hostel. All the more reason to be surprised by this comic musical he squeezed out in between: Katakuri-ke no kôfuku, also known as: The Happiness of the Katakuris!

Trust me, it kicks serious ass. By the way, Nero wants to add that her dad is a gay pussy because he wants to live on Musical-lane (who on earth would WANT to name a street that?!)
And another by the way: Visitor Q is promoted as the most shocking and horrible film Takashi ever made. So I had my hopes set high when I saw that! But I was a bit disappointed when all it turned out to be was a lot of milk flying around and a father having sex with his daugther in a whore-house. So I'm up for a challenge! Anyone who has some good shocking tips: bring it on!
And by shocking I DON'T mean two girls and one cup.....

NixX

Fake documentary or wishful thinking?

Talking about politics, and integration problems, Neeineei and I saw this film last night:

It is an eerie realistic preview of what might happen one day. Go see it!

NixX

Moral schmoral!

My country is in trouble. It has been for some time now. Of course, it's easy to get in trouble when a whole bunch of people have to live together on just a little bit of land. And as if there weren't enough of us here, a whole lot of other people from other countries came here to live with us. Now, I'm not that guy with the weird moustache and the spasm in his arm saying that our country is full. But I do believe that a lot of our current trouble started when other people decided to come here and never leave again.
Yes, I know this is a subject that nobody wants to touch with a fifty-foot pole. The word integration in itself is enough to make people walk on eggshells. But that is exactly where everything went wrong. From the very beginning of the immigration-era, our society has been walking on eggshells. With us not being clear to the newcomers from the very beginning about how life is lived over here, how can we expect them to know what the rules are?
By now it is too late to change that. To cover up this mistake from long ago, our politicians now like to emphasize the words tolerance and respect for religion when the moral debate is on. In my opinion however, you don't need religion in order to have proper morals. As a matter of fact, you're probably better off without religion. Sure, in theory all religions are based on peace and love. But we all know the practice is a whole different ballgame. And religion should definitely have no place in politics.
The solution to this problem is very simple actually. We go back to the line this country is famous for: just act normal. And no, it is not normal to beat a young girl to a pulp because she had sex with her boyfriend (notice how the guy always gets away with it?). Just as it is not normal to beat someone to death because they asked you to turn the music down or to stop beating up someone else.
I think if we all stick to two extra rules, there will be no more problems.

1. I won't bother you if you won't bother me
2. If it ain't yours, don't take it

(Rule number one includes playing loud music on your mobile phone on buses and trains. This bothers me and will result in the phone either being rammed down your own throat or thrown out the window. Headphones were invented for a reason you know.)
As far as religion is concerned: this also falls in the category of rule number one. You can practice it, as long as it doesn't bother me. For religion I am now making an extra rule by the way: if your God is as allmighty as you say he is, trust in him to solve the problem and punish the bad guys. It is not up to you to decide who is wrong and who is right.
There, now we can all live together peacefully again.

NixX

The Blues

In the category "express yourself in Britney" this is how I'm feeling today. This blog was created to talk about things we hate: well, right now I'm hating myself. I'm a sarcastic bitch with no life, no personality and a fucked up mind. Thank god there's always one thing to hate more than me: men.

That's right, I'm doing it, I'm putting in the man-bashing. I'm old, I'm bitter, there's nothing left for me to do but this. God I wish I could enjoy eating carpet.

Men suck! They are dogs that cannot be trusted and lead their lives in whatever direction their dicks point them. They are completely pointless, who needs them anyway? There's nothing they can do that I can't do better myself.

Well, except technical stuff, with wires and computers and shit.

And fixing the flat tires on my bike.
And assembling my Ikea-furniture.

And lifting heavy shit.

And killing spiders.

Ow fuck it. Fine, they can stay!

NixX

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

can't say a word.. too much.. shock!

the horror! the horror the horror the horror..

I'm with you! Feeling more like this myself today. I was thinking of throwing in the red panties, but no-one wants to see that one, really.

Fallen heroes

Just a short update on the fallen heroes of the week: they tried to make her go to rehab and she said yes yes yes! Sure, we all want Amy to live and be happy. And rehab is probably the only option left for her. But do we really want her to go there? When you think about it, honestly, what would be more fitting: her dying River Phoenix-style (or should I say Heath Ledger style? O, that's right, he didn't die of an overdose. Sure) or her becoming the new Sting all mellow and singing for the rights of the Indians and tantric sex? She might go Yoko Ono on our asses!

And the biggest loser of the week: Jared Leto! Former hunk turned skanklicker when caught in the arms -and liplock- of none other than hoochie-mama Paris Hilton. (I know, nobody uses that word, but I just had to do it once in my life) Even with his arm falling off in Requiem for a Dream he was lovable. I even forgave him for the stupid shit he did with 30 Seconds to Mars, but this does it! Jared, you are now officially blacklisted!

Lost and found

After the sad disillusionment of seeing Viggo Mortensen naked (I say he needs a nice tan, some longer hair with a little colour in it and a bit of stubble. No, strike that, he needs some clothes) I have to compensate with a hot (almost) naked guy. So Nero, I'm sorry for putting some commercial shit on our blog, but I have to get that naked fight out of my head, it's giving me nightmares. Yeah, it's all great that there is finally someone who has the guts to have a naked guy running around with no shame whatsoever. But let's face it, a limp sweaty dick flying all over the place really isn't all that attractive. I'm starting to get the point of why they always only show naked women in films. Not that I'm gay or anything. Except when it comes to Nero of course. Anyway. Here's a little hunk-a-lovin' man to wash the nastiness away.

Ahhh, Sawyer, the best band-aid any woman could ever ask for. Better than any Fa-girl I ever saw. Thank god the new season of Lost is starting in six days.. For anyone who can't wait for the weirdness: you can always go and check out this movie from the same team:

It's probably going to be a big disappointment though: Blairwitch meets Deep Impact meets Godzilla kind of thing. 'Cause that's all life really is: one big disappointment. I'm off. Gonna build a cage in my backyard. Maybe one day I'll wake up to find something crawled into it. Who knows, maybe even something like this..