COMMENT

Nero darling, you of all people should know I would be the last person on earth to get a life! As a matter of fact, I just traded in the little life I had for no life whatsoever. Yes, you guessed right! I'm going to be one of the watercoolerconversation-people. Five days straight on the fourth floor of a huge cubicle-filled government flat. I'm looking forward to it already - she said with a bland face -.

I just finished reading Then we came to the end by Joshua Ferris to prepare myself. But I'm not sure whether that helped or just made things worse. It's strange, I was so looking forward to getting away from my current job. But now I get this eerie feeling that before long I will be wanting to throw myself off that skyscraper.


So it's not my so-called life that kept me from blogging. I am just very aware that I will never be able to compete with your incredible stories and you know how I hate acknowledgeing defeat. If anything, you have killed my dream to become a writer, because you faced me with the fact that I am not a storyteller at all. There, now we're both depressed.


Anyway, I just wanted to respond to your Trek-blog. I think we should become trekkies too. Life seems so simple when you're a trekkie. Like that one guy, who's only dream was to build a big shelve to put all his stuff on. Or that guy at the Vulcan-town party who summed up the beauty of life in the words: "this year we even had a girl coming". And even though the notion of the trek-psycho-therapist (how sane can he make you?), surgeon and dentist kind of scared me, I know you would love to go to a dentists office like that! But knowing us we would probably end up being killed by that psycho Gabriel kid, the VERY creepy moviemaker.



I will admit I saw a fair share of episodes myself. But never as a matter of choice, always more a matter of the remote being too far away or there really being nothing else on tv. (We didn't have that many channels back then) My personal favourite was this guy:

But that was probably mostly because he somehow reminded me of the captain of that other ship I loved so much (woohahahaha..). They had that same benevolant patriarchal care about them. And the same surroundings of bad costumes and cardboard walls of course. O and I really hated that captain Janeway, the she-wolf.

I remember seeing another documentary on Star Trek and other sci-fi films when I took a course in science fiction films at university. The big tagline of Star Trek was of course TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. But then came the Deep Space Nine series, about a stationary post in space. So the commentary-guy in the documentary said: Deep Space Nine: TO BOLDLY GO uhm.. STAY PUT! I thought that was kind of hilarious. And in the case of captain Picard it was of course TO BALDLY GO... Yes, I know, I'll stop being so darn funny right now.

NixX

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something, so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.



NixX (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:

'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty" Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO

CRUNCHY FRIENDS

I think I'm an easy going person. Yeah that's right, I am fun to be around. I laugh at your jokes even when they're not that funny. I will let you know you have something stuck between your teeth, and in a way that makes neither of us feel awkward I might add. I will remember your face. I make killer margaritas. I never mind paying all of it. I will never confront you with your lies. I never run out of cigarettes and eyeliner. I always say hi. I never say 'no, don't get me any, I'll just have a bite of yours'. I know about hip-hop and science and stuff. I don't mind making an ass out of myself if you can't dance. I never get those horrible once a month cramps. I always tip, even at the KFC being a vegetarian and all. I don't mind taking the blame. I will never ask if these jeans make my as look fat. I know when to 'leave you guys alone'. I treat the driver, the garbage man, the janitor, the police and the queen all the same. I might not know how to cook but I don't mind going out to get you something. I might hate children but I will hold your baby like a winning lottery ticket (I was going to say an egg, but then again what do you do with eggs...Haha very funny, you sick baby eater!!!). I might never be anywhere on time but I always show up...or call...or text....the next day. I am an OK person!

Now try telling that to NixX after playing her the next clip:

Seriously you wouldn't believe what that poor thing has to put up with. Play this clip again, and then one more time, and then just twice more. Do that every 15 minutes for a day and imagine it being sung by Fran Drescher and a drunk Amy Winehouse. And then you're still nowhere near the real thing. For that you'll need to find yourself a bipolar friend with ADHD that remembers she has you under speed dial every time she's drunk.

NERO

Baaaaaaaaaaahstard!

This is turning into a real film-blog. That just shows you: we really have no life. We just watch movies all the time. But I really can't NOT write anything about this one.
Last night I enjoyed a horrornight at the Cool Blonde's lounge with her and some friends. And she surprised us with the New Zealand beauty of Black Sheep (brilliant site by the way). I have never seen a more hilarious horror in my life! Really, tears of laughter were running down my face. Only the Tattoo-Girl actually found it scary and even nauseating, the rest of us were laughing our asses off.
The story is about a sheepfarm in New Zealand where sheep are being genetically modified into the ultimate sheep. Of course this is just begging to go wrong. And it does! The hero is, naturally, a sheep-o-phobic who hates his brother the sheep-modifier and who gradually falls in love with the environmentalist partly responsible for releasing the mutant killer sheep. Basically, picture lots of sheep, picture Braindead, then combine the two and you have Black Sheep. But here, watch the trailer and get a better idea.

Fucking fabulous! I'm laughing again just seeing this clip, with all those wonderful memories..
We ended the evening with the much less fabulous, not to say the miserable Rest Stop. The official trailer claims it's "too shocking" for theaters. Yeah sure, THAT's the reason it went straight to dvd..
To give you an idea of how much this movie sucks:

It's slow, there is no build-up of tension whatsoever and the people in it are unbelievably stupid. Yes, that guy being run-over is a cop, so YES, he has a gun. But do you think they decide they can shoot the killer when he gets out of the car? Noooooooow. Instead, they let him fumble around for five minutes while he attaches the cops' bike to the back of his car.

The chick is left stranded by her boyfriend at a grim-looking rest stop. She decides to stay at this happy place, hoping for someone to come rescue her while she gets drunk and goes for rides with crazy Christians in mobile homes, instead of trying to get away from a psycho-killer who mutilates people in his schoolbus and comes back to this place over and over to terrorize her. Bo-ho-ring! But I guess you can't really expect a lot from a film in which you can see the leg of the camerman in the frame.. not to mention all the continuity-screw-ups. And a (very funny) cameo of Joey Lawrence. So definite winner of the evening:

NixX

IT'S ALL ABOUT CODE 46

So as an attempt to make us all forget about those 2 hours of crazy called It's all about love i'll post about Code 46. This sf film really is all about love and one of my favorite movies ever. It actually made me cry a bit...okay, okay I was bawling like a palestinian widow. But trust me, it's really really good. Why?

Here's why:

FreakPower-Song #6




Here's another reason:

Awesome dialogue:

Maria: You have a kid?
William:-Yes.
Maria: Chico or chica?
William:-Chico. Jim, his name is Jim.
Maria: I bet he's very special.
William:-He is special.
Maria: Everybody's children are so special, it makes you wonder where all the ordinary grownups come from.


And here's an even better reason:

The Free Association- Dreaming on a train



I saw this film when I was in Japan and was so moved by the music that I went out and got the CD right away. And seriously, it's the best soundtrack to have when your staying in a country like Japan. So when you're heading off for Tokyo forget your camera, toothbrush and stuff like that. Just turn your underwear inside out and listen to Code 46.

Ow, and there's also an awesome cameo apperance from this guy!

NERO

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE

Last night I watched It's all about love, which was also about figure skating, fake polish accents, floating Africans, snow, horrible opera music, some more snow, clones and, for a total of 114 seconds, about Sean Penn. But it was predominantly about Joaquin Phoenix's eyes. Which I do love, so I guess that's where the title of this movie comes from.
But goddamn did it suck.

I know, I know it's really artsy fartsy and written and directed by Dogma 95 director Thomas Vinterberg, and yes I know, I'm just not educated enough to understand it. But the story was just friggn' ridicules and did not make any sense whatsoever. Seriously give me those 5 years, $10 million and Phoenix, and I'll make you something a whole lot more interesting.....without opera music! Cause a better soundtrack could have maybe made this movie less painful to watch...I kind of doubt that though, purple rain couldn't have saved this flick from becoming a complete fiasco...I feel like that opera shit near the end was put in on purpose by the director as a joke, to make it just a bit more dreadful: 'Quick quick, the audience is down, let's kick em in the teeth before they walk out.

And you know what I just love about all of this: Vinterberg getting a $10 million budget and then failing miserably.
I always get the feeling many independent film makers think they're hot shit and that they look down on productions that get a $80 million budget. And if only they where given a better budget they would make something amazing. Well, here you have it: Vinterberg on a 'reasonable' budget. This proofs that the whole Dogma 95 movement is not about 'keeping it real'. Really, it's just a cover up so that in case the end result is crappy the directors can blame it on the dogma restrictions.
In the end Dogma is just the cinematic version of 'paint by numbers'.

The only part in It's all about love that got me really exited (apart from Joaquin Phoenix) is it's bright outlook on the future. Apparently we're allowed to smoke on airplanes again in 2021!


You can check out a review of It's all about love here, or you can just listen to this 'song' and it will give you the exact same experience as watching the movie :

cali≠gari-37564

NERO

Going Deep

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Fake documentary or wishful thinking?

Talking about politics, and integration problems, Neeineei and I saw this film last night:

It is an eerie realistic preview of what might happen one day. Go see it!

NixX

Full frontal

I was going to write about the crisis in the middle east but then I mentioned something about Aragon (or whatever the dude's name is, if you have watched more than one part of the LOTR trilogy you're gay. No really you are. Maybe gay isn't the right word. I'm down with gay people, they have blessed us with the Village People and Right Said Fred..........and AIDS (No, I'm kidding, I did not just write that......sorry) Anyways you're an emo fag! )
But I mentioned he's playing a Russian, fighting, in a sauna, naked. And NixX pretty much called me gay for not posting it sooner and she's right.

So fuck Israel and the fact that Palestinians are human beings. I've always thought food and fuel where overrated.
I can't wait till Israel accidentally nukes it's self, and the rest of the world won't be harmed because Israel has build those nice big walls. They are still building those walls by the way.....all around......big grey walls....with some barbwire here and there, like a park or camp if you will, and a high concentration of jews inside those walls....get where I'm going with this? Owwwww the Irony......

Anyway back to what really matter. Ow yesss full frontal male nudity!



Nero