'PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET', ANYONE?

Isn't the internet a swell place?






Seriously, I love people that are this honest.

NERO

A LITTLE LONG TIME

お久しぶりですね。。。皆さん元気？I've been doing ok I guess...just a bit bored, tired, lazy, you know what I'm talking about.

First off, I am very proud to announce to you all that I have slept with NixX for the first time. It was quite a nice experience and I can recommend it to anyone. In fact I'm still a bit shaky. So if you ever happen to run in to her and have the guts to come up and talk to her, TRY! Try like you've never tried before. And come prepared: hit the gym, get that master's degree and win that Grammy. Also don't forget to buy a pair of oven mitts, you're gonna need them.

I found these online sometime ago and i think they're bloody brilliant...lol: 'Sex in her shitty'. Don't forget to check out the 'JHo Booty from the block!' or the`Dirty Christina' variants.

NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.


NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something, so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.



NixX (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:

'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty" Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO

IT'S NOT JAZZ PEOPLE

photo by: Le Plasti

So last night me and NixX did Danko Jones. I love making lists and that band was high on my 'Bands that will get you on top of a bar in a wet T-shirt whilst shaking hips ' list. Other artists in this catogory include: the Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, the Crystal Method, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Muddy Waters and the Hives.

Not only that but the guy is on my cool people list.
But after last night I'm not that sure anymore....

The Crystal Method- Trip like I do

To be fair I hadn't slept since the 22nd which makes it 61 hours and 750 miles without sleep, and maybe I wasn't as drunk as I would normally be . But it just didn't do it for me. It actually made me want to start another list, 'the band with the worst audience list'. And I actually hate those people that bitch about the crowd, I never notice anyone that's not on stage and just get lost in the music. But like I said it could have been my lack of sleep or the low alcohol level in my blood cause the people around me where just really pissing me off.

So like in the center there was this pit going on which is fine but the rest of the place did not move a bit and where actually bothered by it.
And then there was this: Their latest album is called 'Never to loud' right. Well, then why the hell was every single person in there wearing earplugs, before the gig had even started. So you don't want to fuck up your hearing, I get it. But when you cover your ears every time some girls start screaming, you sir are a pussy. I know I can get loud but it's a rock show. And when the person on stage tells me, he can't hear me I'll make sure he'll hear me the second time. So when that sad super glue to the ear incident in front of me started giving me the stink eye every time I screamed after a song. I started yelling right in her ear just for the sake of it.
If you pick covering your ears over letting the band know they're appreciated by putting your hands together, you suck.


The band did work hard though. They really went full force. But maybe a little less talk and a little more playing next time. I love it when bands interact with the crowd but I could have gone without the 10 minute lecture about the air conditioner. Because having a little chat after every single song kinda gets people out of their dancing mood, if there is such a thing at danko jones show. And saying you hated going through a certain country to get here, even though your support act is from that particular country, is I dunno...a bit thoughtless.
And of course the fact that their last album sucks didn't really help either...


So wow...Who would've thought I would ever write something not so positive about a concert, and about Danko Jones even! I feel bad already cause it's Danko motherfucking Jones, but I'm not going to delete this post. So just deal with it.

NERO

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY

TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS ONE:

This is probably the most effective way to meet a lot of black guys really, really fast.

And speaking from experience, so does getting a job at KFC....

2 Live Crew-If You Believe in Having Sex

NERO

I won't grow up!

I wish I could call this guy my friend!

His name is Randy Constan and he lives in Tampa Florida. He has 'a thing' for Peter Pan so he dresses like peter pan and has a whole site dedicated to this character.
So check out his site here, or add him as a friend on myspace and show him some love.

People like this make you realize your friends suck.

I know y'all have been working hard for the self esteem you have, but let me tell you. Unless your this guy (or Prince) you suck. You're boring. And I know you think you're all that, but no. You'll never have the balls this man has.

(to be fair, he is wearing spandex, which makes it more obvious)

Next week NixX & Nero will hold the first ever 'I'll be the judge of that!' contest.

Everyone is free to enter the contest.
So what we would like to see is a drawing, an essay, a video, a song or a sculpture of your childhood hero. It really can be anyone or anything as long as you believed it when you where a kid. And you can express yourself anyway you want even in dance or in Britney. I personally would like to see a photo of you dressed up as your hero, but like I said anything goes.
As long as it tells us who/what your hero was and the reason why this was your savior.
Judges will be yours truly, NixX and my 80 something year old grandpafriend Bluebeard.

And now for the prize: The Winner will get an official 'Be a pixie' picture, signed by Randy 'Peter Pan' Constan himself.



NERO