THE DEAL IS OFF!!!

When I heard we were getting Michelle Rodriguez, I got really exited. I mean she is hot and definitely on my to do-list.

But then I found we had to give up this:



And here's our answer: NO! WHAT ARE WE, STUPID?!? NO!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!!:























Seriously, if you want Wentworth Miller we won't settle for anything less than Scarlett Johansson! And even then....are you kidding me?! MOTHERFUCKER GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON!!!





















So what do you think, did we get ripped off?

No honestly, people can do whatever and whoever they want....I just wished they would do me before they did.

NERO

Okay, so maybe just one more....

Fuck that, I'll do as much as I want!!

THE END OF AN ERA

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?























I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

DEAR COWORKER,

Dear coworker,

You don't know how much you pissmeoff! Even though I've expressed my emotions behind your back many times, you still continue to annoy me.
I've made up horrible lies, yet people feel sad for you for having that extra x chromosome that's responsible for your underdeveloped reproductive organs (I used organs because 3 long pubes on your chin do not make a goaty, it makes your face look like a 70 year old cunt)
Hell, I even told you straight to you face that I hate your guts and that you smell, yet you still kept on stinking your way into my already miserable workdays.

I'll admit you're kind of huggable because of your hight and size, and I would've hugged you if you didn't smell so bad. But huggable is all you are and huggable is still lightyears away from fuckable, and yet I even offerd to do you in the storage room. Saying you won't because there are cameras in the storage room and invite me over after work does not make you one lucky motherfucker, it makes you a pussy....a gay pussy.

Even after our little incident yesterday, when you where confused for a second and you thought you could tell me what to do and I wanted to kick you in your non existing nuts, I still felt sortof sad for you. I even asked NixX if I should maybe call you, to see how the suicide was coming along.

All this and YET I'm nice enough to not throw my cigarette buds at you and ignore you in peace, with the exception of an accidental 'fuck off, I can smell you....you retard....loser'.
But telling Girlfriend (aka. David), after he invited your sorry ass, that his party would be stupid and childish and that you wouldn't come is just one fuck up to much.
Not so long ago I used to be a teenage girl and trust me, I could have you cutting your wrists in no time. So sweety, next time we meet you will end the day by crying yourself to sleep while I'm in the next room screwing your father.

Yours Sincerely,


NERO

WHY THE HELL NOT?

NAME:NERO
AGE:21
SEX:Yes please.
ETHNICITY:Eurasian
PLACE OF BIRTH:The Permanent States of 1973
HEIGHT:5 ft 8.5
WEIGHT:I'll never tell
OCCUPATION:Don't ask
RELIGION:None
PETS:One cat & Jacques Martini
CHILDREN:I don't want to have kids (and luckily I don't have them)
ALCOHOL:I'm on a 12 step program.
SMOKING:Yes, a pack a day. I already have asthma (I'm not even joking here)
HOBBIES:Listening to music, dancing, enjoying a nice glass of wine and long walks on the beach.
LOOKING FOR:Anyone. Male, female, black, white, tall, short, skinny or fat. Basically I don't give a rats ass what you look like, as long as you're a rocket scientist. So if you have an IQ of at least a 150 and a TOE, are familiar with general relativity and quantum mechanics, don't hesitate to send me a e-mail.
Medical degree = bonus points. The same goes for the ability to play an instrument...any instrument...or if you just look good holding a guitar that's fine. Although it would be perfect if you where this guy:


Hawking, baby. Please give me a call, I swear to god it'll be worth it. You can ask anyone, old people dig me! I love cleaning and ironing, really I'm the perfect housewife! Plus I have perky breasts!

NERO

Edit-Just in case you where wondering, I'll ad a photo of me and my friend:

I'm the one on the left holding the skull next my friend NixX

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE

Last night I watched It's all about love, which was also about figure skating, fake polish accents, floating Africans, snow, horrible opera music, some more snow, clones and, for a total of 114 seconds, about Sean Penn. But it was predominantly about Joaquin Phoenix's eyes. Which I do love, so I guess that's where the title of this movie comes from.
But goddamn did it suck.

I know, I know it's really artsy fartsy and written and directed by Dogma 95 director Thomas Vinterberg, and yes I know, I'm just not educated enough to understand it. But the story was just friggn' ridicules and did not make any sense whatsoever. Seriously give me those 5 years, $10 million and Phoenix, and I'll make you something a whole lot more interesting.....without opera music! Cause a better soundtrack could have maybe made this movie less painful to watch...I kind of doubt that though, purple rain couldn't have saved this flick from becoming a complete fiasco...I feel like that opera shit near the end was put in on purpose by the director as a joke, to make it just a bit more dreadful: 'Quick quick, the audience is down, let's kick em in the teeth before they walk out.

And you know what I just love about all of this: Vinterberg getting a $10 million budget and then failing miserably.
I always get the feeling many independent film makers think they're hot shit and that they look down on productions that get a $80 million budget. And if only they where given a better budget they would make something amazing. Well, here you have it: Vinterberg on a 'reasonable' budget. This proofs that the whole Dogma 95 movement is not about 'keeping it real'. Really, it's just a cover up so that in case the end result is crappy the directors can blame it on the dogma restrictions.
In the end Dogma is just the cinematic version of 'paint by numbers'.

The only part in It's all about love that got me really exited (apart from Joaquin Phoenix) is it's bright outlook on the future. Apparently we're allowed to smoke on airplanes again in 2021!


You can check out a review of It's all about love here, or you can just listen to this 'song' and it will give you the exact same experience as watching the movie :

cali≠gari-37564

NERO

The Blues

In the category "express yourself in Britney" this is how I'm feeling today. This blog was created to talk about things we hate: well, right now I'm hating myself. I'm a sarcastic bitch with no life, no personality and a fucked up mind. Thank god there's always one thing to hate more than me: men.

That's right, I'm doing it, I'm putting in the man-bashing. I'm old, I'm bitter, there's nothing left for me to do but this. God I wish I could enjoy eating carpet.

Men suck! They are dogs that cannot be trusted and lead their lives in whatever direction their dicks point them. They are completely pointless, who needs them anyway? There's nothing they can do that I can't do better myself.

Well, except technical stuff, with wires and computers and shit.

And fixing the flat tires on my bike.
And assembling my Ikea-furniture.

And lifting heavy shit.

And killing spiders.

Ow fuck it. Fine, they can stay!

NixX

I won't grow up!

I wish I could call this guy my friend!

His name is Randy Constan and he lives in Tampa Florida. He has 'a thing' for Peter Pan so he dresses like peter pan and has a whole site dedicated to this character.
So check out his site here, or add him as a friend on myspace and show him some love.

People like this make you realize your friends suck.

I know y'all have been working hard for the self esteem you have, but let me tell you. Unless your this guy (or Prince) you suck. You're boring. And I know you think you're all that, but no. You'll never have the balls this man has.

(to be fair, he is wearing spandex, which makes it more obvious)

Next week NixX & Nero will hold the first ever 'I'll be the judge of that!' contest.

Everyone is free to enter the contest.
So what we would like to see is a drawing, an essay, a video, a song or a sculpture of your childhood hero. It really can be anyone or anything as long as you believed it when you where a kid. And you can express yourself anyway you want even in dance or in Britney. I personally would like to see a photo of you dressed up as your hero, but like I said anything goes.
As long as it tells us who/what your hero was and the reason why this was your savior.
Judges will be yours truly, NixX and my 80 something year old grandpafriend Bluebeard.

And now for the prize: The Winner will get an official 'Be a pixie' picture, signed by Randy 'Peter Pan' Constan himself.



NERO

Lost and found

After the sad disillusionment of seeing Viggo Mortensen naked (I say he needs a nice tan, some longer hair with a little colour in it and a bit of stubble. No, strike that, he needs some clothes) I have to compensate with a hot (almost) naked guy. So Nero, I'm sorry for putting some commercial shit on our blog, but I have to get that naked fight out of my head, it's giving me nightmares. Yeah, it's all great that there is finally someone who has the guts to have a naked guy running around with no shame whatsoever. But let's face it, a limp sweaty dick flying all over the place really isn't all that attractive. I'm starting to get the point of why they always only show naked women in films. Not that I'm gay or anything. Except when it comes to Nero of course. Anyway. Here's a little hunk-a-lovin' man to wash the nastiness away.

Ahhh, Sawyer, the best band-aid any woman could ever ask for. Better than any Fa-girl I ever saw. Thank god the new season of Lost is starting in six days.. For anyone who can't wait for the weirdness: you can always go and check out this movie from the same team:

It's probably going to be a big disappointment though: Blairwitch meets Deep Impact meets Godzilla kind of thing. 'Cause that's all life really is: one big disappointment. I'm off. Gonna build a cage in my backyard. Maybe one day I'll wake up to find something crawled into it. Who knows, maybe even something like this..