TO BE CONTINUED

Today started great, I mysteriously woke up at 10 without being tired, took a long shower, put on my face and made 2 mixtapes. You know, some uplifting summer tunes for work. So I leave for work early and get on the bus, then for no apparent reason the bus made a huge detour. But, no worries, I left for work early. So I get to work 5 minutes early and there are 4 people in my spot. So I walk over and one of my colleagues comes up to me and informs me that I have to go home.

NERO: 'WTF?!'
Kenny: 'Yeah, apparently our boss is not so happy with you and he told me to tell you to go home once you'd get here.'
NERO: 'WTF, he cant find the decency to send me home in person?! He makes me come all the way over here and informs all my colleagues he's not happy and let's you send me home!?!! That's fucked up!!!'
Kenny: 'Hey don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying. He already went home, so I had to tell you.'
NERO: 'This bout saturday?'
Kenny: 'Yes, I think it has something to do with that.'
NERO: 'He told you about that?! What else did he share with you, my bank account? Any passport copies? '
Kenny: 'No, he just explained to us that you didn't show on saturday and that you where late on Wednesday and that he's had it.'
NERO: 'US!??! He told us?!?'
Kenny: 'I really think you should call him.'
NERO: 'No fuck that, he can go fuck him self. I'm done.'

So by that time everyone that was working and some of there relatives and customers gathered around to hear the story. And I was just about to walk of when my boss came walking over, he had missed his train.
He said hi, I said hi.
He said saturday didn't go to well, I smiled.
He said it's not working, I smiled some more.
He said it wasn't the first time, I smiled and looked at some of the bystanders. Then Kenny interrupted Boss-man to ask something. And that was it, I turned around walked away from the crowd, and mumbled that I had a bus to catch. On the way to Girlfriend, who was working in another shop, I get this call by Boss-man. I didn't answer the first time, but the second time he called I did. He told me I cannot just walk of like that. And I asked him where he was and told him to wait there and keep his eyes open, so he could see me perform the miracle of walking away again.
So I walked back to the store, just to find that he's making this phone call with about 5 other people hanging on his shoulder trying to listen in.
I hung up when he saw me, walked over and told him this whole situation was just ridicules, that he was acting childish and immature and that he had 10 minutes to say his thing because I had already wasted 3 bucks on a bus ticked and didn't want to miss the bus and pay again.

I don't remember fuck all about what he said, but it was nothing new. I said I was just sick of hearing the same old thing over and over.
He suggested I would resign and again I just smiled.
He can fire me and give me a months pay or I'll be rioting there all the way to pension time. He knows this of course, so after all the yelling and screaming, he just asked if I still wanted to come to work tomorrow. So I said 'I have a bus to catch' and 'see you tomorrow'.

I'm not sure what's going to happen but at least I have 2 awesome new mixtapes and that should get me through at least one more workday.

NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

THE END OF AN ERA

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?























I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

OH WHAT TO DO

Working sucks. People who say they would get bored without a job, I don't understand them. I would be happy just sitting around all day! Watch a little tv, read a book, play some games, sleep a little, surf the net, just staring out the window. There is nothing wrong with that! But maybe I'm just good at entertaining myself. It helps to appreciate your company of course.
I got my masters degree six months ago. So now I am supposed to be ready and qualified to get a Real Job. You know, a Mature one. One that gives you a Steady Income with which you can Buy A House and build up a Pension and shit. So you can live a Responsible Life an be a Valuable Member of Society.
Unfortunately, I didn't get one of those educations where they actually teach you helpful things. All they taught me were other peoples opinions about unimportant stuff and how to give mine sounding like a snob who knows shit.
So now I'm kind of at a loss. Smack down in the middle of that black hole everybody always talks about. What to do with the rest of my life? I could just stay with Nero working our current shitty job. But she's not going to be there forever and I'm getting real tired of living on the edge of bankrupcy every month. I'm not ambitious at all, I'm not looking for a 'challenge' in my work. Trust me, my life itself is challenge enough. At work I just want some peace and quiet. You work to live, not the other way around, right? It's a cliché, and I hate those, but I have to agree with this one.
I see people around me who work their asses off, spending even most of their free time on 'just finishing off this last bit for the meeting on monday' or something like that. And then they tell me that "once you find a job you really like, you'll want to work just as hard at it, because you're motivated and enjoy what you do". NO I WON'T! There's a reason you get paid for working people: it's not fun. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying their work.
I used to think it could be fun too, when I was young and innocent (a long, looong, time ago). I used to have some dreamjobs. I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Digging up whole dinosaurs in the desert somewhere! How cool is that. Then I found out that it's more about digging up 2 inch bone fragments and screaming hallelujah! And that's if you're lucky! Most of them only get to go to buildingsites to find sharves of old pots. Big fucking whoopie..

Then I got myself a new hobby and decided I could be a professional one of these:

The upsides of this of course being thin and limber, and rubbing up to well-built, strong men all day. The downsides: those men wear tights all day and love rubbing up to well-built men just as much as you do.. O, and the limber part: it fucking hurts! So that was another dream lost.

As I was getting older my dreamjobs got a little more sophisticated. I started dreaming about being this girl:

Remember her? Of course, the guy to her left had something to do with that dream. How cool would it be to chase after guys like these?

It didn't take long before I realised that being a profiler would not actually make me a psychic, which was a pretty sour disappointment. Besides, the dame with the hoarse voice was starting to bug me with her ever-sorrowfull look. And, being a teenager, I naturally got depressed and started to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have the thoughts of serial-killers in my head all day after all. And since there are no serial killers in this country, I would get bored pretty quickly I guess..

So now I am out of options. All the good jobs are not as good as they seemed, impossible to obtain or just out of my league. Am I condemned to be another office-drone? Can anyone convince me that there are jobs out there that don't suck? Can anyone please tell me how I can turn doing nothing or playing computergames all day into a paying job??

Please?

DEAR COWORKER,

Dear coworker,

You don't know how much you pissmeoff! Even though I've expressed my emotions behind your back many times, you still continue to annoy me.
I've made up horrible lies, yet people feel sad for you for having that extra x chromosome that's responsible for your underdeveloped reproductive organs (I used organs because 3 long pubes on your chin do not make a goaty, it makes your face look like a 70 year old cunt)
Hell, I even told you straight to you face that I hate your guts and that you smell, yet you still kept on stinking your way into my already miserable workdays.

I'll admit you're kind of huggable because of your hight and size, and I would've hugged you if you didn't smell so bad. But huggable is all you are and huggable is still lightyears away from fuckable, and yet I even offerd to do you in the storage room. Saying you won't because there are cameras in the storage room and invite me over after work does not make you one lucky motherfucker, it makes you a pussy....a gay pussy.

Even after our little incident yesterday, when you where confused for a second and you thought you could tell me what to do and I wanted to kick you in your non existing nuts, I still felt sortof sad for you. I even asked NixX if I should maybe call you, to see how the suicide was coming along.

All this and YET I'm nice enough to not throw my cigarette buds at you and ignore you in peace, with the exception of an accidental 'fuck off, I can smell you....you retard....loser'.
But telling Girlfriend (aka. David), after he invited your sorry ass, that his party would be stupid and childish and that you wouldn't come is just one fuck up to much.
Not so long ago I used to be a teenage girl and trust me, I could have you cutting your wrists in no time. So sweety, next time we meet you will end the day by crying yourself to sleep while I'm in the next room screwing your father.

Yours Sincerely,


NERO