STUPID SUNLIGHT!

Seriously, the people that came up with happy hour should be shot.

So here we are, don't know how y'all are doing and at this point I couldn't care less, but I have got the hangover from hell. I'm starting to notice I'm getting older. You might think I'm a 21 year old but really, inside there a 60 year old thanking the lord for every diaper free day he gives her.
They say 40 is the new 30. Which is total bullocks. I mean this might be true for those 40 year old macrobiotic eating, botox drinking, yoga practicing rich bitches. But in the same way 14 was the new 24 when it came to drinking, smoking and partying when I was growing up.

Yesterday me and Girlfriend went shopping and decided to make a quick stop at his favorite bar. Enter Happy hour. So instead of getting something to eat first and then maybe a little drink starting at around 9 pm and slowly build up to a state of complete piss drunk fucked upness. It's Rosé and Margaritas for half the price at 5 pm (5 o'clock being the equivalent of lunchtime in my world) hitting you in the face like a motherfucker. Or in my case like a gay man hitting you in the bosoms with his face. Did I forget to mention it was a gay bar? I never knew gay men where so into boobs but my god, by the time happy hour was over I was getting free drinks in exchange for a little breast fondling. Now that I think of it, it does make some sense, might be a bit like why dykes wear strap ons.
Anyways, I had a great time. The only downside: you're surrounded by men loving you all night and yet end up going home alone. And waking up with up with a hangover....after waking up drunk...twice....And getting a text message saying your friend has put those 'sexy' pictures of you with the shot glass between your titties on his myspace.

Yesss, good times people, good times.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!





















Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

TANOREXIA

Today I spent 20 minutes under the 'turbo 600' also known as
'the skincancer accelerator'.
And lemme tell you, I love it!

I just love it and will keep doing it till there's no more skin left to tan. And even then... I will take all those pieces of skin they removed due to the skin cancer, sew them back together and use that as a beach towel next time I go Egypt.
I won't settle with just the long cancer I want it all!

NERO

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

I was going to show you my world. So here is you and 99% of humanity :

And this is what I hear when I turn on the radio or watch TV:

Kyo-Jintai mokei 12 inch nationale tv


NERO

(BLACK)WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY

Okay, wait....Just stop! I was just watching The Secret. And it felt like some sort of scientology recruitment film, but whatever...I was watching and half way through, no, after 6 minutes I nearly went into psychosis mode. They said, well they said many things, but the thing that triggered my freakout was this:
"A thought has a frequency, every thought has a frequency. We can measure a thought. "

WHAT?!? Seriously: WHAT?!?

Now I have many questions like WHO can measure my thoughts, and what do they see when they measure them? And what motherfucking frequency are my thoughts on? Is there some weird Dr. Emmett Brown motherfucker hiding in a secret laboratory with a little thought radio?

It's like one of my worst fears has come true a long time ago and everyone knows about it except for me. They talk about it as if it's nothing. I don't give a fuck about The Secret, you can keep it a secret, but saying shit like: 'WE CAN MEASURE A THOUGHT' pisses me off. 'WE'......?


I have always had this cartoon balloon thing going on, where sometimes I think people might know what I'm thinking. This may seem strange but it's not, I know more people have this. Yet my psychologist once asked me if I ever have those thoughts, immediately followed by the question if I have ever played with my own feces. I answered a big confident yes of course... I was there for one reason and one reason only: prescription drugs. And I'll be damned if I would've let her sent me home with some boring mood stabilizers.



It might seem like I'm overreacting but these things seriously freak me out.


There are things in this world my brain just cannot handle. I can't think about these things, and I try not to let myself think about these things. But saying that I can't think about these things is more accurate. Because I can't, please stick with me here people, you won't believe how difficult it is for me to write about this.
For example the universe.
I can't get my head around outer space and the border of it, or the lack thereof. Or better, I can't deal with concept of something being never ending. See...it just happened again. I blacked out. I'm not joking people, my mind just went blank for a few seconds. I seriously have to write about something else now.

I have had this outer space shit ever since I was a little kid. My parents always thought I was joking when I said I was crying because I didn't understand it. It started with crying and eventually thinking about the infinity of space just resulted in full blown panic attacks, and I think now my brain has found a way to shut it all of. Except for this I'm perfectly normal.

Dammit, it just took me over half an hour just to write up to here.
It's just that space, time (or worse spacetime), dark matter, light speed and things like black holes scare the crap out of me. BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. Even if I read all there is to read about it, I still would not understand just because I'm not smart enough, I could barely get a high school diploma.

And now this whole blog post is just starting to piss me off.

I mean motherfucking TIME DILATION!?! And EVENT HORIZON isn't just a movie title people! Who comes up with these titles?!? Rhinorrhea is a runny nose, yet they call a Black Hole a Black Hole.

Or what about ANTIMATTER. There is matter and then there is antimatter and if you get a particle and it's antiparticle together there will be ANNIHILATION. You can't hold ANTIMATTER in your hand like a fucking tissue. It's freaking ANTIMATTER! You know what matter is right? Well this is ANTI-matter. And if there's matter in this universe there must be an equal amount of ANTI-matter. Well, where the fuck is all this ANTI-matter?!?

Christ..............I need a boyfriend.......

Queens Of The Stone Age- Everybody knows that you're insane

NERO

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE

Last night I watched It's all about love, which was also about figure skating, fake polish accents, floating Africans, snow, horrible opera music, some more snow, clones and, for a total of 114 seconds, about Sean Penn. But it was predominantly about Joaquin Phoenix's eyes. Which I do love, so I guess that's where the title of this movie comes from.
But goddamn did it suck.

I know, I know it's really artsy fartsy and written and directed by Dogma 95 director Thomas Vinterberg, and yes I know, I'm just not educated enough to understand it. But the story was just friggn' ridicules and did not make any sense whatsoever. Seriously give me those 5 years, $10 million and Phoenix, and I'll make you something a whole lot more interesting.....without opera music! Cause a better soundtrack could have maybe made this movie less painful to watch...I kind of doubt that though, purple rain couldn't have saved this flick from becoming a complete fiasco...I feel like that opera shit near the end was put in on purpose by the director as a joke, to make it just a bit more dreadful: 'Quick quick, the audience is down, let's kick em in the teeth before they walk out.

And you know what I just love about all of this: Vinterberg getting a $10 million budget and then failing miserably.
I always get the feeling many independent film makers think they're hot shit and that they look down on productions that get a $80 million budget. And if only they where given a better budget they would make something amazing. Well, here you have it: Vinterberg on a 'reasonable' budget. This proofs that the whole Dogma 95 movement is not about 'keeping it real'. Really, it's just a cover up so that in case the end result is crappy the directors can blame it on the dogma restrictions.
In the end Dogma is just the cinematic version of 'paint by numbers'.

The only part in It's all about love that got me really exited (apart from Joaquin Phoenix) is it's bright outlook on the future. Apparently we're allowed to smoke on airplanes again in 2021!


You can check out a review of It's all about love here, or you can just listen to this 'song' and it will give you the exact same experience as watching the movie :

cali≠gari-37564

NERO

I HATE APPLE

So yeah you know those mac geniuses? Neither do I, there are fucking idiots working at those mac stores. Words can not describe how fucking pissed off I am right now. I would express myself in Britney but I don't think that could get it across either.

LIES ALL LIES, apple might just as well cast Tom Cruise for their next commercial.

I had an Ipod once, I dropped it in a cup of coffee and found it there an hour later, after I had remembered I made a cup of coffee. I took it back to the store and got a free new Ipod, and thought 'Gosh, these apple people sure are nice!'

That new Ipod lasted for about a year, so I went back and they said they told me that I couldn't get a new one because the first one (The Brazilian cinnamon roast one) was bought over a year ago. Although the replacement one they had given me was less then a year old they still refused. But hey, I can live with that I wanted a new video version anyway. So I got me a new Ipod.
Then one day I decided to part ways with my good ol pc and switch to a MacBook.
Something I regret more than that Prince tattoo on my ass.
First I couldn't use the 300 euro drawing tablet I already had. Then Garageband kept crashing. Then the dvd writer went to hell. Then 2 pixels passed away. Then the magnet thingy to close the damn thing with came loose. And in the end the hard drive started to make funny noises and died on me.
Now this all happened in before I even finished paying the fucker. Last week I took it too the mac store and they said they would fix it or get me a new one.

THE PROBLEM:

First I thought great I'm getting a new mac and I have some back-ups so throw the old thing away. Then I realized their are bootlegs and photo's of my now dead cat on there that I can't replace. Not to mention a list of all my passwords and other stuff I need to log in. (Yes, I'm an idiot I can't remember shit like that.) So I called the 'geniuses', and they told me it was broken and they where going to replace just the hard drive. So I was like what is going to happen to the old one and they said they where tossing it. I know a Computer Doctor so I was like no give it back or put the shit on a external hard drive....I'll pay. That for some reason couldn't be done, and after 10 minutes of bitching and whining she said she would call the person in charge and call me back later about what would happen to my hard drive.
I was about to hang up when I realised...... the hard drive mmmm.... WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT OTHER SHIT THAT DOESN'T WORK?!?!
So apparently I'm just going to have to learn to live with a lose magnet, a dvd-drive that doesn't work and a dead pixel infection. So I just asked how long she thinks my old Macbook will last:
' just long enough for the warranty to expire?' and then hung up.

I work with costumers and I know this kind of approach doesn't work but she pissed me off so bad, I just couldn't help myself. It was not just the macbook thing but also the fact that I just bought 5 new cds and I want to put them on my Ipod really bad, but I can't cause if I hook my Ipod up to my pc it's tells me it's going to have to reset itself because it has a mac index now. And some of the bootlegs that are on my Ipod I only have on my Ipod and my macbook, that may or may not already be gone.

So yeah, now that I got that out of my system. Check this link and try to tell me that it's not one of the most awesome things you've ever heard!

NERO

I'm soooo sleepy

Today I have been mood swinging like a motherfucker. I went from tired to happy to slightly depressed. Then I was in love for about 4 hours and after that I just got pissed and now I'm back to tired again.
I also feared for my life today, remember the last post? Well I might be one of your dead myspace friends by next Monday.
Gosh Nero, having big plans for the weekend? No, I have zero plans for this weekend, yet I'll be fucked up Monday, how depressing is that.
I went to the hospital for a check up today and apparently my doctor is worried. Keep in mind that this is a lung&heart specialist that deals with hundreds of people with all sorts of lung diseases like 'the big C' (or as we call it the big K) everyday.
And it's not so much my lungs this time, I can combine the asthma and the cigarettes just fine.

No this time it's my liver that wants out. That fat fuck and I had a deal I would drink and he would breakdown the toxic substances. He did some other stuff but let's just say he was pretty preoccupied with the breaking down stuff.
And he was really really good at it (You where, my sweet sweet liver). But now the bitch wants out, and he wants half. Not only half, he wants to keep the house. Remember we're talking about my liver, not his body.

I guess he felt neglected next to my lungs, who are the center of attention every 10 minutes when I light a cigarette and I try to cough 'em up. Well, now he will get his chance to shine, Monday mourning when I have to be back in the hospital for some bad news.


Maybe my liver could hook up with Amy's liver, they could make little baby livers together and then one of the kids could move in with me. I just hope my liver wasn't related to this liver. (was that tasteless? I dunno...........whatever, people I'm the one dying here remember?!)

So Just in case, Nixx sweety , will you do something for me? If I ever die, although I'm still not fully convinced I can die, but if it turns out that i'm really not G.o.d. Could you please make sure nobody ever reads any of my writings. You can have my mac, my external hard drives and all nastiness that's on there. But for the love of god keep them away from anyone other that you, especially my parents. Also make sure they don't find out about any of my habits....
You know what, I'll drop by tomorrow and give you the keys to my place, as soon as I find them... Anyway make sure 'someone put it in my drink' (in my ice tea, I don't drink caffeine and alcohol remember). I think you know what to do with the music at the funeral, make 'em cry and then end with a little 'Me so horny' or 'Superfunkycalifragisexy' (any Right Said Fred is always good). Ow and please make sure my make-up looks good, and this is really important, NO BLUE EYESHADOW! I don't wanna look like hell when I'm meeting James Dean and River Phoenix for my first threesome in heaven (no pun intended). If it's really true that your hair keeps growing some more after you die, get that Iranian girl from work to fix my eyebrows. Make it look like I'm in that coffin because I was suffocated by my cleavage. What else...could you get my diaries cross out any names and leave them in a library when you go to Berlin. I know you can't do magic (what am i saying, of course you can) but, I would like to not be remembered as a lesbian. My aunt the shrink made that one up and I think the rest of my family believed that skank. And for fuck sake go and get a better job! That's it I think, one more thing, if by any chance 'saturnalia' by the Guttertwins is finally out get me a copy will you?

What's in it for you? There's 100 bucks hidden in the broken DVD player on my tv and some love hidden in a little red glittery box. If you don't want the box, flush it before they search my bedroom. Of course you can have all my books, movies, cd's and porn heels. And the sneakers, get the sneakers the pink adidas where an estimated 370 last time I checked.

Thanks NixX. Love ya!

This one's for you!

Nero

I hate this blog already!

I really hate this shit I just spent 10 minutes trying to find this page and then another 20 just to log in. Never doing this again!

NERO (and how was your day?)

Ta-Dah

So...the first ever post. When we started this I really for once didn't have anything to bitch about, well that all changed pretty fucking fast. It's now 9.30 in the morning and I have been hating html for 9 hours straight. I hate it and it's just stupid and every 5 minutes my ADD starts kicking in and I start doing something else and i already hate this blog and I hate html. But i did come across the perfect match for NixX, who has been sleeping all night. Naked!

Nero

I While I was up all night NixX was sleeping just like this.