'PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET', ANYONE?

Isn't the internet a swell place?






Seriously, I love people that are this honest.

NERO

AUDIO TORTURE

Just so we're clear, I love Nas. But I'm not really feeling his new song Be a nigger too. The first time I heard it I was like wow, cause if there's one thing Nas is good at, it is getting you to pay attention. And if mr. Jones speaks we listen.

So now there's a video, which I successfully watched from beginning to end the first time. But the second time I heard Be a nigger too I had to turn it off cause the music is seriously making me want to scratch my face open.

I fucking hate those cheezy ass piano samples and this has got to be the worst one I ever heard. Why, in the name of all that's been sampled, would you copy and paste two seconds of a Bobby Blue Bland record and turn it into a 6 motherfucking minute song!?! And more than that, how the fuck is it possible that Nas would willingly submit himself to having to hear that beat a 100 times a year for the rest of his life?! I don't know who made it but it's like Good Charlotte writing songs for Henry Rollins.
It's really that fucking annoying, and I'm sure Be a nigger too will be on heavy rotation over at Guantanamo bay torture radio.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!





















Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

EXCUSE ME

While I die laughing. This clip just raised the bar for a whole lotta motherfuckers.

NERO

LOL

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.


NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.


NERO

HOW 80'S OF YOU

I really can't stand this song or her voice but the video is just fucking brilliant!


Sia-The Girl You Lost To Cocaine



NERO

I'LL BE WATCHING IT LIVE IN A GAY BAR

Iceland's entry for Eurovision 2008... No, it does not get any gayer than this!



That dance...That dance! The guy in the black shirt is a genius!

NERO

THANK YOU

And you just know what kind of guys work here. You know, those 34-year-old, self-proclaimed-real-generation-x, know-it-all, 'Jack Black in High Fidelity'-types.

NERO

CAN'T HELP IT...

I JUST HAVE TO DANCE WHEN I HEAR THIS:

THE OPPOSITES-GEEN KLASSE GEEN STIJL

TANOREXIA

Today I spent 20 minutes under the 'turbo 600' also known as
'the skincancer accelerator'.
And lemme tell you, I love it!

I just love it and will keep doing it till there's no more skin left to tan. And even then... I will take all those pieces of skin they removed due to the skin cancer, sew them back together and use that as a beach towel next time I go Egypt.
I won't settle with just the long cancer I want it all!

NERO

I'M EASY TO PLEASE

I don't know about you but I found this image in the american apparel catalog and thought the caption below the image was just friggin hilarious!!!

If you feel a huge peanut fart coming on at least get out of the park.


NERO

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

I was going to show you my world. So here is you and 99% of humanity :

And this is what I hear when I turn on the radio or watch TV:

Kyo-Jintai mokei 12 inch nationale tv


NERO

FEEL IT!

Over the course of the next few days I will try to get you in the same state of mind as me. See the world from my perspective.

Let's start with this:

Losing your mind doesn't just happen overnight people..no...in some cases it might happen overnight, but for me it took a good 19 years. Anyways I'll do my best to get you up to date.

NERO

(BLACK)WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY

Okay, wait....Just stop! I was just watching The Secret. And it felt like some sort of scientology recruitment film, but whatever...I was watching and half way through, no, after 6 minutes I nearly went into psychosis mode. They said, well they said many things, but the thing that triggered my freakout was this:
"A thought has a frequency, every thought has a frequency. We can measure a thought. "

WHAT?!? Seriously: WHAT?!?

Now I have many questions like WHO can measure my thoughts, and what do they see when they measure them? And what motherfucking frequency are my thoughts on? Is there some weird Dr. Emmett Brown motherfucker hiding in a secret laboratory with a little thought radio?

It's like one of my worst fears has come true a long time ago and everyone knows about it except for me. They talk about it as if it's nothing. I don't give a fuck about The Secret, you can keep it a secret, but saying shit like: 'WE CAN MEASURE A THOUGHT' pisses me off. 'WE'......?


I have always had this cartoon balloon thing going on, where sometimes I think people might know what I'm thinking. This may seem strange but it's not, I know more people have this. Yet my psychologist once asked me if I ever have those thoughts, immediately followed by the question if I have ever played with my own feces. I answered a big confident yes of course... I was there for one reason and one reason only: prescription drugs. And I'll be damned if I would've let her sent me home with some boring mood stabilizers.



It might seem like I'm overreacting but these things seriously freak me out.


There are things in this world my brain just cannot handle. I can't think about these things, and I try not to let myself think about these things. But saying that I can't think about these things is more accurate. Because I can't, please stick with me here people, you won't believe how difficult it is for me to write about this.
For example the universe.
I can't get my head around outer space and the border of it, or the lack thereof. Or better, I can't deal with concept of something being never ending. See...it just happened again. I blacked out. I'm not joking people, my mind just went blank for a few seconds. I seriously have to write about something else now.

I have had this outer space shit ever since I was a little kid. My parents always thought I was joking when I said I was crying because I didn't understand it. It started with crying and eventually thinking about the infinity of space just resulted in full blown panic attacks, and I think now my brain has found a way to shut it all of. Except for this I'm perfectly normal.

Dammit, it just took me over half an hour just to write up to here.
It's just that space, time (or worse spacetime), dark matter, light speed and things like black holes scare the crap out of me. BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. Even if I read all there is to read about it, I still would not understand just because I'm not smart enough, I could barely get a high school diploma.

And now this whole blog post is just starting to piss me off.

I mean motherfucking TIME DILATION!?! And EVENT HORIZON isn't just a movie title people! Who comes up with these titles?!? Rhinorrhea is a runny nose, yet they call a Black Hole a Black Hole.

Or what about ANTIMATTER. There is matter and then there is antimatter and if you get a particle and it's antiparticle together there will be ANNIHILATION. You can't hold ANTIMATTER in your hand like a fucking tissue. It's freaking ANTIMATTER! You know what matter is right? Well this is ANTI-matter. And if there's matter in this universe there must be an equal amount of ANTI-matter. Well, where the fuck is all this ANTI-matter?!?

Christ..............I need a boyfriend.......

Queens Of The Stone Age- Everybody knows that you're insane

NERO

0_o

Okay, so I was really angry after coming back from the apple store today but fuck that. I just watched this clip and it could very well be the new alternative for that anger management counseling bullshit. Or euthanasia, I nearly died laughing.

NERO

3 minutes

3 minutes ain't that long, but please watch this clip turn 3 minutes into....forevah.
It did not seem to end. I nearly died laughing.


I love how he keeps popping up every now and then!

I found this clip while looking into one of my old obsessions.
暴走族 (Bosozoku)。
Bosozoku are Japanese bike gangs that are really just a bunch of juvenile delinquents on with awesomely modified bikes. And their style is just the best thing ever!
During my time in Japan they used to drive through town every Friday running red lights, waving around flags and baseball bats and producing a ridicules amount of noise.
No doubt, I will post more about this subculture. Now that I think of it I might make an entire blog just about Japanese gangs. Yeah, I just love badasses!


NERO

edit: after writing this I ran into the deluxe edition....
It's 3 of them!!! And just when I thought it couldn't get any better.....

And the academy goes to....

Remember Andy Kaufman? He is now in the middle of his best performance ever.

The clip below shows Tom Cruise and it's freaky and scary and you're thinking to yourself: 'Gosh this guy is insane, he is even acting in his interviews.....It's scary...it's really really scary'. And then you'll go and ask your mother if scary people like this really exist in this world, and she will probably give you the whole 'don't do drugs' routine again.
But while all you people are shitting your pants, I am in fact laughing my ass off. Why?

Because I KNOW the truth.

And the truth is Andy Kaufman created the Tom Cruise. I swear, Kaufman had some plastic surgery and is now doing his best performance ever. And not only did he invent the 'crazy Cruise', Kaufman also invented Scientology. Which I find fucking genius, seriously it's the best joke ever.
So let's all celebrate scientology today because it has been providing us with great jokes for many years now. And not only that, scientology makes even the weirdest Jewish Hindumuslims feel good about them selfs and even more confident about their religious believes.

So there you have it, the truth is out. Tom Cruise is actually Andy Kaufman. And he should come out as soon as he's nominated for an academy award, because he's not only acting the tom cruise alter ego, he's also acting that he's acting in interviews. It's truly a brilliant performance.

NERO

This is how it works, if something is bothering Nixx it's bothering me.
If Nixx hates you I will kick your ass, virtually speaking. In real life I'd rape your parents and make you videotape it.

No more GnR for you...

So here's an important life lesson, learn to whistle. I never learned, and as a result of that, whenever I have a song stuck in my head I have to hum or sing. And when that song happens to be welcome to the jungle, I have to embarrass myself. Cause even when you think there's no one around and it's safe to quietly let out just a little bit of 'shun,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n KNEES, KNEES' it's still the same damn thing as raping a cat in a library. And half of the people in China* go:'Who gave that cat raping bitch a megaphone?!'**

NERO

*i.e. that one kindofcute guy at work.
**remember Katie Melua, the singer not the STD.

So no more GnR after this:

I love this Guns N' Roses clip. Slash fucking up and then going, 'yeah come on people' shaking his head. While Matt and Duff just have 'WTF?!' written all over.

Yeah... yeah, that's not really what happend, matt fucks up and slash is the one that goes wtf. But it's more fun the other way.