UPSIDE DOWN

Sure, why not. After shitting blood for a week, 2 days ago i started throwing up blood. So now my eyes are officially the only orifices that i haven't bled from. And who knows, coughing up and sneezing blood doesn't get you anywhere, but bloody tears...That shit might get you put on display in a church somewhere in Mexico next to the taco shaped like Jesus.

No but seriously this does really suck. The doctor says it's probably from the painkillers they gave me, those apparently fuck up your stomach. I think it also might have something to do with the fact that i went to a Gutter Twins show 4 days after the surgery....and got shitfaced. But It was totally worth it! Ow and a special thanks to Roger the bouncer who was kind enough to drive us back after the gig. That was so awesome of you!

Now it's just a matter of using my wolverine like super-regenerating accelerated healing powers to keep it together long enough for my trip to Greece. Only 3 more days!!!

NERO

'PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET', ANYONE?

Isn't the internet a swell place?






Seriously, I love people that are this honest.

NERO

HELLOOOO!

I'm back. Well most of me is...Lately I've been loosing more and more parts of what I used to be. I don't think I'll ever be whole again...

Gold star for the first person that can guess what this is:

This little good for nothing son of a bitch may look like your average rotten banana but it's not. This is what used to be my appendix.
Last week me and my appendix had a little disagreement in which the bastard literally tried to kill me. So after 12 hours of pain and drama we went our separate ways.
Breaking up is never easy and it will take a long time for me to heal. But I sleep better at night knowing this will never happen again and that he is out of my life for good.

NERO

STUPID SUNLIGHT!

Seriously, the people that came up with happy hour should be shot.

So here we are, don't know how y'all are doing and at this point I couldn't care less, but I have got the hangover from hell. I'm starting to notice I'm getting older. You might think I'm a 21 year old but really, inside there a 60 year old thanking the lord for every diaper free day he gives her.
They say 40 is the new 30. Which is total bullocks. I mean this might be true for those 40 year old macrobiotic eating, botox drinking, yoga practicing rich bitches. But in the same way 14 was the new 24 when it came to drinking, smoking and partying when I was growing up.

Yesterday me and Girlfriend went shopping and decided to make a quick stop at his favorite bar. Enter Happy hour. So instead of getting something to eat first and then maybe a little drink starting at around 9 pm and slowly build up to a state of complete piss drunk fucked upness. It's Rosé and Margaritas for half the price at 5 pm (5 o'clock being the equivalent of lunchtime in my world) hitting you in the face like a motherfucker. Or in my case like a gay man hitting you in the bosoms with his face. Did I forget to mention it was a gay bar? I never knew gay men where so into boobs but my god, by the time happy hour was over I was getting free drinks in exchange for a little breast fondling. Now that I think of it, it does make some sense, might be a bit like why dykes wear strap ons.
Anyways, I had a great time. The only downside: you're surrounded by men loving you all night and yet end up going home alone. And waking up with up with a hangover....after waking up drunk...twice....And getting a text message saying your friend has put those 'sexy' pictures of you with the shot glass between your titties on his myspace.

Yesss, good times people, good times.

NERO

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE INTERVIEW

I hate that I love it so much. And I feel so dirty but I just can't help myself, I just want more and more. Really, I LOVE reading about Amy Winehouse. I know I'm a horrible person, but the more messed up she looks in photographs the more I enjoy it. You know, just to see how fucked up and zombie like a person can get. So yeah, I suck, but then again when was the last time she called me for my birthday? All those years and not even a postcard. So fuck her...

Anyhow, I'm sure y'all will enjoy this awesome story about our favorite junkie as much as I did. You heartless bastards!

NERO

MISFIT LOVE

Last week me and NixX went on a little trip to check out Queens of the motherfucking stone age. And it was awesome. QOTSA is one of those bands that won't ever disappoint...(Maybe I made that sound as if there are lot's of bands that never disappoint...Need I remind you of this lovely evening?) And I loved the songs they played.
Me and mister Joshua Homme have one thing in common: this is our favorite song:

Queens of the stone age - Misfit love live @ pinkpop 2008

I know I have written about this song before, but it's that damn good. Misfit love truly is one of the best songs ever written. And the number one song to hear live (and by hear I mean to lose your mind, shake your ass and get completely fucked up to).

It was really all they needed to play. Don't get me wrong I like their other stuff, I'm just saying that I would love to see a one hour show where they play 'Misfit love' for 45 minutes and then morph that into 'You Got A Killer Scene There, Man...' for the remaining 15 minutes...Maybe play 'Songs for the dead', 'Skin on Skin' and 'Make it wit chu' as an encore...but you know, i don't wanna seem toooo demanding.....
And yes, I'm very well aware this will never happen, primarily because it would be downright SUICIDE!!!. And not just for the band, I'm surprised I have made it through the 6 minute version twice already without collapsing.

BUT GODDAMMIT WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Maybe, one day, in a perfect world. A world where convenience stores sell IV's, it rains Gatorade and we're all on Amphetamines.

NERO

PS. You see that photo I stole of flickr? I'm in that photo.....Fuck yeah, that's my arm!

AUDIO TORTURE

Just so we're clear, I love Nas. But I'm not really feeling his new song Be a nigger too. The first time I heard it I was like wow, cause if there's one thing Nas is good at, it is getting you to pay attention. And if mr. Jones speaks we listen.

So now there's a video, which I successfully watched from beginning to end the first time. But the second time I heard Be a nigger too I had to turn it off cause the music is seriously making me want to scratch my face open.

I fucking hate those cheezy ass piano samples and this has got to be the worst one I ever heard. Why, in the name of all that's been sampled, would you copy and paste two seconds of a Bobby Blue Bland record and turn it into a 6 motherfucking minute song!?! And more than that, how the fuck is it possible that Nas would willingly submit himself to having to hear that beat a 100 times a year for the rest of his life?! I don't know who made it but it's like Good Charlotte writing songs for Henry Rollins.
It's really that fucking annoying, and I'm sure Be a nigger too will be on heavy rotation over at Guantanamo bay torture radio.

NERO

A LITTLE LONG TIME

お久しぶりですね。。。皆さん元気？I've been doing ok I guess...just a bit bored, tired, lazy, you know what I'm talking about.

First off, I am very proud to announce to you all that I have slept with NixX for the first time. It was quite a nice experience and I can recommend it to anyone. In fact I'm still a bit shaky. So if you ever happen to run in to her and have the guts to come up and talk to her, TRY! Try like you've never tried before. And come prepared: hit the gym, get that master's degree and win that Grammy. Also don't forget to buy a pair of oven mitts, you're gonna need them.

I found these online sometime ago and i think they're bloody brilliant...lol: 'Sex in her shitty'. Don't forget to check out the 'JHo Booty from the block!' or the`Dirty Christina' variants.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!





















Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

EXCUSE ME

While I die laughing. This clip just raised the bar for a whole lotta motherfuckers.

NERO

TO BE CONTINUED

Today started great, I mysteriously woke up at 10 without being tired, took a long shower, put on my face and made 2 mixtapes. You know, some uplifting summer tunes for work. So I leave for work early and get on the bus, then for no apparent reason the bus made a huge detour. But, no worries, I left for work early. So I get to work 5 minutes early and there are 4 people in my spot. So I walk over and one of my colleagues comes up to me and informs me that I have to go home.

NERO: 'WTF?!'
Kenny: 'Yeah, apparently our boss is not so happy with you and he told me to tell you to go home once you'd get here.'
NERO: 'WTF, he cant find the decency to send me home in person?! He makes me come all the way over here and informs all my colleagues he's not happy and let's you send me home!?!! That's fucked up!!!'
Kenny: 'Hey don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying. He already went home, so I had to tell you.'
NERO: 'This bout saturday?'
Kenny: 'Yes, I think it has something to do with that.'
NERO: 'He told you about that?! What else did he share with you, my bank account? Any passport copies? '
Kenny: 'No, he just explained to us that you didn't show on saturday and that you where late on Wednesday and that he's had it.'
NERO: 'US!??! He told us?!?'
Kenny: 'I really think you should call him.'
NERO: 'No fuck that, he can go fuck him self. I'm done.'

So by that time everyone that was working and some of there relatives and customers gathered around to hear the story. And I was just about to walk of when my boss came walking over, he had missed his train.
He said hi, I said hi.
He said saturday didn't go to well, I smiled.
He said it's not working, I smiled some more.
He said it wasn't the first time, I smiled and looked at some of the bystanders. Then Kenny interrupted Boss-man to ask something. And that was it, I turned around walked away from the crowd, and mumbled that I had a bus to catch. On the way to Girlfriend, who was working in another shop, I get this call by Boss-man. I didn't answer the first time, but the second time he called I did. He told me I cannot just walk of like that. And I asked him where he was and told him to wait there and keep his eyes open, so he could see me perform the miracle of walking away again.
So I walked back to the store, just to find that he's making this phone call with about 5 other people hanging on his shoulder trying to listen in.
I hung up when he saw me, walked over and told him this whole situation was just ridicules, that he was acting childish and immature and that he had 10 minutes to say his thing because I had already wasted 3 bucks on a bus ticked and didn't want to miss the bus and pay again.

I don't remember fuck all about what he said, but it was nothing new. I said I was just sick of hearing the same old thing over and over.
He suggested I would resign and again I just smiled.
He can fire me and give me a months pay or I'll be rioting there all the way to pension time. He knows this of course, so after all the yelling and screaming, he just asked if I still wanted to come to work tomorrow. So I said 'I have a bus to catch' and 'see you tomorrow'.

I'm not sure what's going to happen but at least I have 2 awesome new mixtapes and that should get me through at least one more workday.

NERO

LOL

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.


NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.


NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

HOW 80'S OF YOU

I really can't stand this song or her voice but the video is just fucking brilliant!


Sia-The Girl You Lost To Cocaine



NERO

I HAD A DREAM

So I will tell you guys about this dream I had last night because it was sooo weird...and because absolutely nothing happened in my real life today.

So I don't remember exactly what happened, but it had something to do with this movie and Chinese people wanting to pour acid in my face. And they just would not stop trying, at one point I sat down in a bus and got up just in time cause acid sprinklers where coming out of the armsrests. But I knew, I knew.
Then I had to get to this wake for Wes Borland or something, that guy who used to play guitar in Limp Bizkit. You know, the monkey boy. Apparently he had killed him self and there was this big thing involving ladders and empty buildings I had to get to.

So that was my dream...I know right!?

But then I was surfing around on Perez Hilton's blog and I found this:





















It's Fred Durst.

The same Fred Durst we all had completely forgotten about. Coincidence?
Now the weird thing about this is not that I had a dream about his guitar player. No what's freaking me out is that he looks EXACTLY like my dad. I shit you not people, it's him exactly! It could be his tattooed twin.....I might remove the pictures soon cause it's really creeping me out.

NERO

I could post a limp bizkit song right now but...youknow.

THE DEAL IS OFF!!!

When I heard we were getting Michelle Rodriguez, I got really exited. I mean she is hot and definitely on my to do-list.

But then I found we had to give up this:



And here's our answer: NO! WHAT ARE WE, STUPID?!? NO!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!!:























Seriously, if you want Wentworth Miller we won't settle for anything less than Scarlett Johansson! And even then....are you kidding me?! MOTHERFUCKER GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON!!!





















So what do you think, did we get ripped off?

No honestly, people can do whatever and whoever they want....I just wished they would do me before they did.

NERO

Okay, so maybe just one more....

Fuck that, I'll do as much as I want!!

I'LL BE WATCHING IT LIVE IN A GAY BAR

Iceland's entry for Eurovision 2008... No, it does not get any gayer than this!



That dance...That dance! The guy in the black shirt is a genius!

NERO

THE END OF AN ERA

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?























I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something, so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.



NixX (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:

'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty" Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO