OH WHAT TO DO

Working sucks. People who say they would get bored without a job, I don't understand them. I would be happy just sitting around all day! Watch a little tv, read a book, play some games, sleep a little, surf the net, just staring out the window. There is nothing wrong with that! But maybe I'm just good at entertaining myself. It helps to appreciate your company of course.
I got my masters degree six months ago. So now I am supposed to be ready and qualified to get a Real Job. You know, a Mature one. One that gives you a Steady Income with which you can Buy A House and build up a Pension and shit. So you can live a Responsible Life an be a Valuable Member of Society.
Unfortunately, I didn't get one of those educations where they actually teach you helpful things. All they taught me were other peoples opinions about unimportant stuff and how to give mine sounding like a snob who knows shit.
So now I'm kind of at a loss. Smack down in the middle of that black hole everybody always talks about. What to do with the rest of my life? I could just stay with Nero working our current shitty job. But she's not going to be there forever and I'm getting real tired of living on the edge of bankrupcy every month. I'm not ambitious at all, I'm not looking for a 'challenge' in my work. Trust me, my life itself is challenge enough. At work I just want some peace and quiet. You work to live, not the other way around, right? It's a cliché, and I hate those, but I have to agree with this one.
I see people around me who work their asses off, spending even most of their free time on 'just finishing off this last bit for the meeting on monday' or something like that. And then they tell me that "once you find a job you really like, you'll want to work just as hard at it, because you're motivated and enjoy what you do". NO I WON'T! There's a reason you get paid for working people: it's not fun. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying their work.
I used to think it could be fun too, when I was young and innocent (a long, looong, time ago). I used to have some dreamjobs. I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Digging up whole dinosaurs in the desert somewhere! How cool is that. Then I found out that it's more about digging up 2 inch bone fragments and screaming hallelujah! And that's if you're lucky! Most of them only get to go to buildingsites to find sharves of old pots. Big fucking whoopie..

Then I got myself a new hobby and decided I could be a professional one of these:

The upsides of this of course being thin and limber, and rubbing up to well-built, strong men all day. The downsides: those men wear tights all day and love rubbing up to well-built men just as much as you do.. O, and the limber part: it fucking hurts! So that was another dream lost.

As I was getting older my dreamjobs got a little more sophisticated. I started dreaming about being this girl:

Remember her? Of course, the guy to her left had something to do with that dream. How cool would it be to chase after guys like these?

It didn't take long before I realised that being a profiler would not actually make me a psychic, which was a pretty sour disappointment. Besides, the dame with the hoarse voice was starting to bug me with her ever-sorrowfull look. And, being a teenager, I naturally got depressed and started to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have the thoughts of serial-killers in my head all day after all. And since there are no serial killers in this country, I would get bored pretty quickly I guess..

So now I am out of options. All the good jobs are not as good as they seemed, impossible to obtain or just out of my league. Am I condemned to be another office-drone? Can anyone convince me that there are jobs out there that don't suck? Can anyone please tell me how I can turn doing nothing or playing computergames all day into a paying job??

Please?

THANK YOU

And you just know what kind of guys work here. You know, those 34-year-old, self-proclaimed-real-generation-x, know-it-all, 'Jack Black in High Fidelity'-types.

NERO

EPIC

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY

TO TAKE CREDIT FOR THIS ONE:

This is probably the most effective way to meet a lot of black guys really, really fast.

And speaking from experience, so does getting a job at KFC....

2 Live Crew-If You Believe in Having Sex

NERO

CAN'T HELP IT...

I JUST HAVE TO DANCE WHEN I HEAR THIS:

THE OPPOSITES-GEEN KLASSE GEEN STIJL

YEAHYAH!

ONE WEEK AGO I USED MY NEW CREDIT CARD FOR THE FIRST TIME. AND YES NIxX, I AM FULLY AWARE THAT THIS WILL BE THE BEGINNING OF THE END. IT TOOK ME 2 WHOLE VEGETATIVE YEARS TO PAYOFF THOSE 3 MONTHS OF FUN I HAD WITH THE LAST ONE.

BUT FUCK THAT I GOT MY GUTTER TWINS TICKETS TODAY AND I'M GOING ON A TRIP. I COULD JUST GO TO THEIR NEAREST GIG BUT IT'S IN A THEATER...WITH SEATS! AND I DON'T DO NO SMOKING/NO DRINKING SEATS. TELL ME, HOW COULD ANYONE SIT STILL WHILE LISTENING TO THIS?!?

THE GUTTER TWINS- ALL MISERY/ FLOWERS

I CAN SEE MYSELF DOING ALL SORTS OF THINGS IN ALL SORTS OF POSITIONS WHILE LISTENING TO THIS, MAYBE EVEN SITTING DOWN, BUT THEY ALL INCLUDE A CIGARETTE AT SOME POINT.

NERO

TANOREXIA

Today I spent 20 minutes under the 'turbo 600' also known as
'the skincancer accelerator'.
And lemme tell you, I love it!

I just love it and will keep doing it till there's no more skin left to tan. And even then... I will take all those pieces of skin they removed due to the skin cancer, sew them back together and use that as a beach towel next time I go Egypt.
I won't settle with just the long cancer I want it all!

NERO

I'M EASY TO PLEASE

I don't know about you but I found this image in the american apparel catalog and thought the caption below the image was just friggin hilarious!!!

If you feel a huge peanut fart coming on at least get out of the park.


NERO

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT

I was going to show you my world. So here is you and 99% of humanity :

And this is what I hear when I turn on the radio or watch TV:

Kyo-Jintai mokei 12 inch nationale tv


NERO

DEAR COWORKER,

Dear coworker,

You don't know how much you pissmeoff! Even though I've expressed my emotions behind your back many times, you still continue to annoy me.
I've made up horrible lies, yet people feel sad for you for having that extra x chromosome that's responsible for your underdeveloped reproductive organs (I used organs because 3 long pubes on your chin do not make a goaty, it makes your face look like a 70 year old cunt)
Hell, I even told you straight to you face that I hate your guts and that you smell, yet you still kept on stinking your way into my already miserable workdays.

I'll admit you're kind of huggable because of your hight and size, and I would've hugged you if you didn't smell so bad. But huggable is all you are and huggable is still lightyears away from fuckable, and yet I even offerd to do you in the storage room. Saying you won't because there are cameras in the storage room and invite me over after work does not make you one lucky motherfucker, it makes you a pussy....a gay pussy.

Even after our little incident yesterday, when you where confused for a second and you thought you could tell me what to do and I wanted to kick you in your non existing nuts, I still felt sortof sad for you. I even asked NixX if I should maybe call you, to see how the suicide was coming along.

All this and YET I'm nice enough to not throw my cigarette buds at you and ignore you in peace, with the exception of an accidental 'fuck off, I can smell you....you retard....loser'.
But telling Girlfriend (aka. David), after he invited your sorry ass, that his party would be stupid and childish and that you wouldn't come is just one fuck up to much.
Not so long ago I used to be a teenage girl and trust me, I could have you cutting your wrists in no time. So sweety, next time we meet you will end the day by crying yourself to sleep while I'm in the next room screwing your father.

Yours Sincerely,


NERO

FEEL IT!

Over the course of the next few days I will try to get you in the same state of mind as me. See the world from my perspective.

Let's start with this:

Losing your mind doesn't just happen overnight people..no...in some cases it might happen overnight, but for me it took a good 19 years. Anyways I'll do my best to get you up to date.

NERO

WHY THE HELL NOT?

NAME:NERO
AGE:21
SEX:Yes please.
ETHNICITY:Eurasian
PLACE OF BIRTH:The Permanent States of 1973
HEIGHT:5 ft 8.5
WEIGHT:I'll never tell
OCCUPATION:Don't ask
RELIGION:None
PETS:One cat & Jacques Martini
CHILDREN:I don't want to have kids (and luckily I don't have them)
ALCOHOL:I'm on a 12 step program.
SMOKING:Yes, a pack a day. I already have asthma (I'm not even joking here)
HOBBIES:Listening to music, dancing, enjoying a nice glass of wine and long walks on the beach.
LOOKING FOR:Anyone. Male, female, black, white, tall, short, skinny or fat. Basically I don't give a rats ass what you look like, as long as you're a rocket scientist. So if you have an IQ of at least a 150 and a TOE, are familiar with general relativity and quantum mechanics, don't hesitate to send me a e-mail.
Medical degree = bonus points. The same goes for the ability to play an instrument...any instrument...or if you just look good holding a guitar that's fine. Although it would be perfect if you where this guy:


Hawking, baby. Please give me a call, I swear to god it'll be worth it. You can ask anyone, old people dig me! I love cleaning and ironing, really I'm the perfect housewife! Plus I have perky breasts!

NERO

Edit-Just in case you where wondering, I'll ad a photo of me and my friend:

I'm the one on the left holding the skull next my friend NixX

(BLACK)WHOLE LOTTA CRAZY

Okay, wait....Just stop! I was just watching The Secret. And it felt like some sort of scientology recruitment film, but whatever...I was watching and half way through, no, after 6 minutes I nearly went into psychosis mode. They said, well they said many things, but the thing that triggered my freakout was this:
"A thought has a frequency, every thought has a frequency. We can measure a thought. "

WHAT?!? Seriously: WHAT?!?

Now I have many questions like WHO can measure my thoughts, and what do they see when they measure them? And what motherfucking frequency are my thoughts on? Is there some weird Dr. Emmett Brown motherfucker hiding in a secret laboratory with a little thought radio?

It's like one of my worst fears has come true a long time ago and everyone knows about it except for me. They talk about it as if it's nothing. I don't give a fuck about The Secret, you can keep it a secret, but saying shit like: 'WE CAN MEASURE A THOUGHT' pisses me off. 'WE'......?


I have always had this cartoon balloon thing going on, where sometimes I think people might know what I'm thinking. This may seem strange but it's not, I know more people have this. Yet my psychologist once asked me if I ever have those thoughts, immediately followed by the question if I have ever played with my own feces. I answered a big confident yes of course... I was there for one reason and one reason only: prescription drugs. And I'll be damned if I would've let her sent me home with some boring mood stabilizers.



It might seem like I'm overreacting but these things seriously freak me out.


There are things in this world my brain just cannot handle. I can't think about these things, and I try not to let myself think about these things. But saying that I can't think about these things is more accurate. Because I can't, please stick with me here people, you won't believe how difficult it is for me to write about this.
For example the universe.
I can't get my head around outer space and the border of it, or the lack thereof. Or better, I can't deal with concept of something being never ending. See...it just happened again. I blacked out. I'm not joking people, my mind just went blank for a few seconds. I seriously have to write about something else now.

I have had this outer space shit ever since I was a little kid. My parents always thought I was joking when I said I was crying because I didn't understand it. It started with crying and eventually thinking about the infinity of space just resulted in full blown panic attacks, and I think now my brain has found a way to shut it all of. Except for this I'm perfectly normal.

Dammit, it just took me over half an hour just to write up to here.
It's just that space, time (or worse spacetime), dark matter, light speed and things like black holes scare the crap out of me. BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. Even if I read all there is to read about it, I still would not understand just because I'm not smart enough, I could barely get a high school diploma.

And now this whole blog post is just starting to piss me off.

I mean motherfucking TIME DILATION!?! And EVENT HORIZON isn't just a movie title people! Who comes up with these titles?!? Rhinorrhea is a runny nose, yet they call a Black Hole a Black Hole.

Or what about ANTIMATTER. There is matter and then there is antimatter and if you get a particle and it's antiparticle together there will be ANNIHILATION. You can't hold ANTIMATTER in your hand like a fucking tissue. It's freaking ANTIMATTER! You know what matter is right? Well this is ANTI-matter. And if there's matter in this universe there must be an equal amount of ANTI-matter. Well, where the fuck is all this ANTI-matter?!?

Christ..............I need a boyfriend.......

Queens Of The Stone Age- Everybody knows that you're insane

NERO

Baaaaaaaaaaahstard!

This is turning into a real film-blog. That just shows you: we really have no life. We just watch movies all the time. But I really can't NOT write anything about this one.
Last night I enjoyed a horrornight at the Cool Blonde's lounge with her and some friends. And she surprised us with the New Zealand beauty of Black Sheep (brilliant site by the way). I have never seen a more hilarious horror in my life! Really, tears of laughter were running down my face. Only the Tattoo-Girl actually found it scary and even nauseating, the rest of us were laughing our asses off.
The story is about a sheepfarm in New Zealand where sheep are being genetically modified into the ultimate sheep. Of course this is just begging to go wrong. And it does! The hero is, naturally, a sheep-o-phobic who hates his brother the sheep-modifier and who gradually falls in love with the environmentalist partly responsible for releasing the mutant killer sheep. Basically, picture lots of sheep, picture Braindead, then combine the two and you have Black Sheep. But here, watch the trailer and get a better idea.

Fucking fabulous! I'm laughing again just seeing this clip, with all those wonderful memories..
We ended the evening with the much less fabulous, not to say the miserable Rest Stop. The official trailer claims it's "too shocking" for theaters. Yeah sure, THAT's the reason it went straight to dvd..
To give you an idea of how much this movie sucks:

It's slow, there is no build-up of tension whatsoever and the people in it are unbelievably stupid. Yes, that guy being run-over is a cop, so YES, he has a gun. But do you think they decide they can shoot the killer when he gets out of the car? Noooooooow. Instead, they let him fumble around for five minutes while he attaches the cops' bike to the back of his car.

The chick is left stranded by her boyfriend at a grim-looking rest stop. She decides to stay at this happy place, hoping for someone to come rescue her while she gets drunk and goes for rides with crazy Christians in mobile homes, instead of trying to get away from a psycho-killer who mutilates people in his schoolbus and comes back to this place over and over to terrorize her. Bo-ho-ring! But I guess you can't really expect a lot from a film in which you can see the leg of the camerman in the frame.. not to mention all the continuity-screw-ups. And a (very funny) cameo of Joey Lawrence. So definite winner of the evening:

NixX

SURPRISE!

NixX sweety, how was work? Anyways, you better find a white T-shirt and save some beer money cause I've got tickets!

Danko Jones- Code of the Road


Ow and BTW it's a total pain in the ass to get tickets for the Gutter Twins, because of that whole Motel Mozaique bullshit. So I guess I'm just going to have to hitchhike my way to Germany or Greece and go to a show there. I NEED to see them live, you know that right? You've got any ideas? I figured since you used to work in the club manager/booking business you might know some cocks that need sucking...I dunno, just thinking out loud.

NERO

IT'S ALL ABOUT CODE 46

So as an attempt to make us all forget about those 2 hours of crazy called It's all about love i'll post about Code 46. This sf film really is all about love and one of my favorite movies ever. It actually made me cry a bit...okay, okay I was bawling like a palestinian widow. But trust me, it's really really good. Why?

Here's why:

FreakPower-Song #6




Here's another reason:

Awesome dialogue:

Maria: You have a kid?
William:-Yes.
Maria: Chico or chica?
William:-Chico. Jim, his name is Jim.
Maria: I bet he's very special.
William:-He is special.
Maria: Everybody's children are so special, it makes you wonder where all the ordinary grownups come from.


And here's an even better reason:

The Free Association- Dreaming on a train



I saw this film when I was in Japan and was so moved by the music that I went out and got the CD right away. And seriously, it's the best soundtrack to have when your staying in a country like Japan. So when you're heading off for Tokyo forget your camera, toothbrush and stuff like that. Just turn your underwear inside out and listen to Code 46.

Ow, and there's also an awesome cameo apperance from this guy!

NERO

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE

Last night I watched It's all about love, which was also about figure skating, fake polish accents, floating Africans, snow, horrible opera music, some more snow, clones and, for a total of 114 seconds, about Sean Penn. But it was predominantly about Joaquin Phoenix's eyes. Which I do love, so I guess that's where the title of this movie comes from.
But goddamn did it suck.

I know, I know it's really artsy fartsy and written and directed by Dogma 95 director Thomas Vinterberg, and yes I know, I'm just not educated enough to understand it. But the story was just friggn' ridicules and did not make any sense whatsoever. Seriously give me those 5 years, $10 million and Phoenix, and I'll make you something a whole lot more interesting.....without opera music! Cause a better soundtrack could have maybe made this movie less painful to watch...I kind of doubt that though, purple rain couldn't have saved this flick from becoming a complete fiasco...I feel like that opera shit near the end was put in on purpose by the director as a joke, to make it just a bit more dreadful: 'Quick quick, the audience is down, let's kick em in the teeth before they walk out.

And you know what I just love about all of this: Vinterberg getting a $10 million budget and then failing miserably.
I always get the feeling many independent film makers think they're hot shit and that they look down on productions that get a $80 million budget. And if only they where given a better budget they would make something amazing. Well, here you have it: Vinterberg on a 'reasonable' budget. This proofs that the whole Dogma 95 movement is not about 'keeping it real'. Really, it's just a cover up so that in case the end result is crappy the directors can blame it on the dogma restrictions.
In the end Dogma is just the cinematic version of 'paint by numbers'.

The only part in It's all about love that got me really exited (apart from Joaquin Phoenix) is it's bright outlook on the future. Apparently we're allowed to smoke on airplanes again in 2021!


You can check out a review of It's all about love here, or you can just listen to this 'song' and it will give you the exact same experience as watching the movie :

cali≠gari-37564

NERO

AWESOME!

NERO

THE PERMANENT JET LAG

I 'suffer' from DSPS, what basically means that I'm to lazy to get up in the morning and to afraid of the dark to close my eyes at night. I've tried to get into the 'normal' routine, trust me. I've tried it North Korean all the way.
Wake 'Normal' people up at 7:00 for 3 weeks and eventually they will get tired somewhere between 21:00 and 01:00. My biological clock however does not adjust itself, wake me at 7:00 and I'll be tired all day till about 22:00. This will be the turning point and it's around this time that I will start to get active again. And this will eventually result in midday breakdowns and 38 hour days.
But I tried...And after 25 exhausting (and drug free I might add) days, I went back to the doctor who basically told me I looked like shit and that I should get some sleep.

What do I do at night in the city that always sleeps? I used to go for a nice nighttime walk....but that was before I moved to a neighborhood where the police turns on their siren just to drive through it. So I surf the world wide web, I read, I write, I play piano, I take 3 hour baths, I practice Italian, I dance, I iron, I stare at my pores, I play bass, I study Japanese or I try to learn how to juggle with 3 apples and one orange.
But most of the time I just lie in the dark smoking one cigarette after another while listening to this:


Red Garland-Please Send Me Someone to Love

So it's now 10:36 on a lame Sunday morning and after posting this I'm going to fold some more laundry, put on my pink sleeping mask and then get some sleep.

Have a great day people!

NERO