STUPID SUNLIGHT!

Seriously, the people that came up with happy hour should be shot.

So here we are, don't know how y'all are doing and at this point I couldn't care less, but I have got the hangover from hell. I'm starting to notice I'm getting older. You might think I'm a 21 year old but really, inside there a 60 year old thanking the lord for every diaper free day he gives her.
They say 40 is the new 30. Which is total bullocks. I mean this might be true for those 40 year old macrobiotic eating, botox drinking, yoga practicing rich bitches. But in the same way 14 was the new 24 when it came to drinking, smoking and partying when I was growing up.

Yesterday me and Girlfriend went shopping and decided to make a quick stop at his favorite bar. Enter Happy hour. So instead of getting something to eat first and then maybe a little drink starting at around 9 pm and slowly build up to a state of complete piss drunk fucked upness. It's Rosé and Margaritas for half the price at 5 pm (5 o'clock being the equivalent of lunchtime in my world) hitting you in the face like a motherfucker. Or in my case like a gay man hitting you in the bosoms with his face. Did I forget to mention it was a gay bar? I never knew gay men where so into boobs but my god, by the time happy hour was over I was getting free drinks in exchange for a little breast fondling. Now that I think of it, it does make some sense, might be a bit like why dykes wear strap ons.
Anyways, I had a great time. The only downside: you're surrounded by men loving you all night and yet end up going home alone. And waking up with up with a hangover....after waking up drunk...twice....And getting a text message saying your friend has put those 'sexy' pictures of you with the shot glass between your titties on his myspace.

Yesss, good times people, good times.

NERO

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE INTERVIEW

I hate that I love it so much. And I feel so dirty but I just can't help myself, I just want more and more. Really, I LOVE reading about Amy Winehouse. I know I'm a horrible person, but the more messed up she looks in photographs the more I enjoy it. You know, just to see how fucked up and zombie like a person can get. So yeah, I suck, but then again when was the last time she called me for my birthday? All those years and not even a postcard. So fuck her...

Anyhow, I'm sure y'all will enjoy this awesome story about our favorite junkie as much as I did. You heartless bastards!

NERO

Need a hobby?

Summer is coming, so all you lucky bastards are probably gonna have some time off. But just in case you don't have any money to go on vacation and fear you might get bored, here's a little something you could do with all that free time.

To be fair: I stole this one from Hot Gameguy, so the credit goes to him.

NixX

MISFIT LOVE

Last week me and NixX went on a little trip to check out Queens of the motherfucking stone age. And it was awesome. QOTSA is one of those bands that won't ever disappoint...(Maybe I made that sound as if there are lot's of bands that never disappoint...Need I remind you of this lovely evening?) And I loved the songs they played.
Me and mister Joshua Homme have one thing in common: this is our favorite song:

Queens of the stone age - Misfit love live @ pinkpop 2008

I know I have written about this song before, but it's that damn good. Misfit love truly is one of the best songs ever written. And the number one song to hear live (and by hear I mean to lose your mind, shake your ass and get completely fucked up to).

It was really all they needed to play. Don't get me wrong I like their other stuff, I'm just saying that I would love to see a one hour show where they play 'Misfit love' for 45 minutes and then morph that into 'You Got A Killer Scene There, Man...' for the remaining 15 minutes...Maybe play 'Songs for the dead', 'Skin on Skin' and 'Make it wit chu' as an encore...but you know, i don't wanna seem toooo demanding.....
And yes, I'm very well aware this will never happen, primarily because it would be downright SUICIDE!!!. And not just for the band, I'm surprised I have made it through the 6 minute version twice already without collapsing.

BUT GODDAMMIT WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Maybe, one day, in a perfect world. A world where convenience stores sell IV's, it rains Gatorade and we're all on Amphetamines.

NERO

PS. You see that photo I stole of flickr? I'm in that photo.....Fuck yeah, that's my arm!

AUDIO TORTURE

Just so we're clear, I love Nas. But I'm not really feeling his new song Be a nigger too. The first time I heard it I was like wow, cause if there's one thing Nas is good at, it is getting you to pay attention. And if mr. Jones speaks we listen.

So now there's a video, which I successfully watched from beginning to end the first time. But the second time I heard Be a nigger too I had to turn it off cause the music is seriously making me want to scratch my face open.

I fucking hate those cheezy ass piano samples and this has got to be the worst one I ever heard. Why, in the name of all that's been sampled, would you copy and paste two seconds of a Bobby Blue Bland record and turn it into a 6 motherfucking minute song!?! And more than that, how the fuck is it possible that Nas would willingly submit himself to having to hear that beat a 100 times a year for the rest of his life?! I don't know who made it but it's like Good Charlotte writing songs for Henry Rollins.
It's really that fucking annoying, and I'm sure Be a nigger too will be on heavy rotation over at Guantanamo bay torture radio.

NERO

A LITTLE LONG TIME

お久しぶりですね。。。皆さん元気？I've been doing ok I guess...just a bit bored, tired, lazy, you know what I'm talking about.

First off, I am very proud to announce to you all that I have slept with NixX for the first time. It was quite a nice experience and I can recommend it to anyone. In fact I'm still a bit shaky. So if you ever happen to run in to her and have the guts to come up and talk to her, TRY! Try like you've never tried before. And come prepared: hit the gym, get that master's degree and win that Grammy. Also don't forget to buy a pair of oven mitts, you're gonna need them.

I found these online sometime ago and i think they're bloody brilliant...lol: 'Sex in her shitty'. Don't forget to check out the 'JHo Booty from the block!' or the`Dirty Christina' variants.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!





















Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

EXCUSE ME

While I die laughing. This clip just raised the bar for a whole lotta motherfuckers.

NERO

TO BE CONTINUED

Today started great, I mysteriously woke up at 10 without being tired, took a long shower, put on my face and made 2 mixtapes. You know, some uplifting summer tunes for work. So I leave for work early and get on the bus, then for no apparent reason the bus made a huge detour. But, no worries, I left for work early. So I get to work 5 minutes early and there are 4 people in my spot. So I walk over and one of my colleagues comes up to me and informs me that I have to go home.

NERO: 'WTF?!'
Kenny: 'Yeah, apparently our boss is not so happy with you and he told me to tell you to go home once you'd get here.'
NERO: 'WTF, he cant find the decency to send me home in person?! He makes me come all the way over here and informs all my colleagues he's not happy and let's you send me home!?!! That's fucked up!!!'
Kenny: 'Hey don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying. He already went home, so I had to tell you.'
NERO: 'This bout saturday?'
Kenny: 'Yes, I think it has something to do with that.'
NERO: 'He told you about that?! What else did he share with you, my bank account? Any passport copies? '
Kenny: 'No, he just explained to us that you didn't show on saturday and that you where late on Wednesday and that he's had it.'
NERO: 'US!??! He told us?!?'
Kenny: 'I really think you should call him.'
NERO: 'No fuck that, he can go fuck him self. I'm done.'

So by that time everyone that was working and some of there relatives and customers gathered around to hear the story. And I was just about to walk of when my boss came walking over, he had missed his train.
He said hi, I said hi.
He said saturday didn't go to well, I smiled.
He said it's not working, I smiled some more.
He said it wasn't the first time, I smiled and looked at some of the bystanders. Then Kenny interrupted Boss-man to ask something. And that was it, I turned around walked away from the crowd, and mumbled that I had a bus to catch. On the way to Girlfriend, who was working in another shop, I get this call by Boss-man. I didn't answer the first time, but the second time he called I did. He told me I cannot just walk of like that. And I asked him where he was and told him to wait there and keep his eyes open, so he could see me perform the miracle of walking away again.
So I walked back to the store, just to find that he's making this phone call with about 5 other people hanging on his shoulder trying to listen in.
I hung up when he saw me, walked over and told him this whole situation was just ridicules, that he was acting childish and immature and that he had 10 minutes to say his thing because I had already wasted 3 bucks on a bus ticked and didn't want to miss the bus and pay again.

I don't remember fuck all about what he said, but it was nothing new. I said I was just sick of hearing the same old thing over and over.
He suggested I would resign and again I just smiled.
He can fire me and give me a months pay or I'll be rioting there all the way to pension time. He knows this of course, so after all the yelling and screaming, he just asked if I still wanted to come to work tomorrow. So I said 'I have a bus to catch' and 'see you tomorrow'.

I'm not sure what's going to happen but at least I have 2 awesome new mixtapes and that should get me through at least one more workday.

NERO

LOL

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.


NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.


NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

HOW 80'S OF YOU

I really can't stand this song or her voice but the video is just fucking brilliant!


Sia-The Girl You Lost To Cocaine



NERO

I HAD A DREAM

So I will tell you guys about this dream I had last night because it was sooo weird...and because absolutely nothing happened in my real life today.

So I don't remember exactly what happened, but it had something to do with this movie and Chinese people wanting to pour acid in my face. And they just would not stop trying, at one point I sat down in a bus and got up just in time cause acid sprinklers where coming out of the armsrests. But I knew, I knew.
Then I had to get to this wake for Wes Borland or something, that guy who used to play guitar in Limp Bizkit. You know, the monkey boy. Apparently he had killed him self and there was this big thing involving ladders and empty buildings I had to get to.

So that was my dream...I know right!?

But then I was surfing around on Perez Hilton's blog and I found this:





















It's Fred Durst.

The same Fred Durst we all had completely forgotten about. Coincidence?
Now the weird thing about this is not that I had a dream about his guitar player. No what's freaking me out is that he looks EXACTLY like my dad. I shit you not people, it's him exactly! It could be his tattooed twin.....I might remove the pictures soon cause it's really creeping me out.

NERO

I could post a limp bizkit song right now but...youknow.

THE DEAL IS OFF!!!

When I heard we were getting Michelle Rodriguez, I got really exited. I mean she is hot and definitely on my to do-list.

But then I found we had to give up this:



And here's our answer: NO! WHAT ARE WE, STUPID?!? NO!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!!:























Seriously, if you want Wentworth Miller we won't settle for anything less than Scarlett Johansson! And even then....are you kidding me?! MOTHERFUCKER GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON!!!





















So what do you think, did we get ripped off?

No honestly, people can do whatever and whoever they want....I just wished they would do me before they did.

NERO

Okay, so maybe just one more....

Fuck that, I'll do as much as I want!!

I'LL BE WATCHING IT LIVE IN A GAY BAR

Iceland's entry for Eurovision 2008... No, it does not get any gayer than this!



That dance...That dance! The guy in the black shirt is a genius!

NERO

THE END OF AN ERA

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?























I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

THE NEXT DUNGEON GIRL

O, and a couple of posts ago, you were talking about that Austrian girl in the basement right? You asked yourself who the next one would be? Meet the Next Dungeon Girl:

Our friend Tom has sent her off to Scientology Bootcamp because she didn't get involved in his religion enough. I'd say: Bye bye Katie..

NixX

ROCKBAND

And to feed your new-found Rockband-addiction: I think this song should definitely be on Rockband!! I just came across it going through my vinyl-collection.

NixX

COMMENT

Nero darling, you of all people should know I would be the last person on earth to get a life! As a matter of fact, I just traded in the little life I had for no life whatsoever. Yes, you guessed right! I'm going to be one of the watercoolerconversation-people. Five days straight on the fourth floor of a huge cubicle-filled government flat. I'm looking forward to it already - she said with a bland face -.

I just finished reading Then we came to the end by Joshua Ferris to prepare myself. But I'm not sure whether that helped or just made things worse. It's strange, I was so looking forward to getting away from my current job. But now I get this eerie feeling that before long I will be wanting to throw myself off that skyscraper.


So it's not my so-called life that kept me from blogging. I am just very aware that I will never be able to compete with your incredible stories and you know how I hate acknowledgeing defeat. If anything, you have killed my dream to become a writer, because you faced me with the fact that I am not a storyteller at all. There, now we're both depressed.


Anyway, I just wanted to respond to your Trek-blog. I think we should become trekkies too. Life seems so simple when you're a trekkie. Like that one guy, who's only dream was to build a big shelve to put all his stuff on. Or that guy at the Vulcan-town party who summed up the beauty of life in the words: "this year we even had a girl coming". And even though the notion of the trek-psycho-therapist (how sane can he make you?), surgeon and dentist kind of scared me, I know you would love to go to a dentists office like that! But knowing us we would probably end up being killed by that psycho Gabriel kid, the VERY creepy moviemaker.



I will admit I saw a fair share of episodes myself. But never as a matter of choice, always more a matter of the remote being too far away or there really being nothing else on tv. (We didn't have that many channels back then) My personal favourite was this guy:

But that was probably mostly because he somehow reminded me of the captain of that other ship I loved so much (woohahahaha..). They had that same benevolant patriarchal care about them. And the same surroundings of bad costumes and cardboard walls of course. O and I really hated that captain Janeway, the she-wolf.

I remember seeing another documentary on Star Trek and other sci-fi films when I took a course in science fiction films at university. The big tagline of Star Trek was of course TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. But then came the Deep Space Nine series, about a stationary post in space. So the commentary-guy in the documentary said: Deep Space Nine: TO BOLDLY GO uhm.. STAY PUT! I thought that was kind of hilarious. And in the case of captain Picard it was of course TO BALDLY GO... Yes, I know, I'll stop being so darn funny right now.

NixX

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something, so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.



NixX (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:

'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty" Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO

AND NOW, IT'S THE FIRST EVER...

Quote of the week!

''As a boy I'm coming up through the sixties so I thought, you know, my late teens, early twenties are gonna be the most radical years of my life and I get there and it's yeah Pete Frampton in a kimono man!''

-Mike Watt, American Hardcore, 2006

Kelly Clarkson- Since U been gone
(No hardcore here but there is some relation between these artists)

I don't know the first thing about punk. I bought a Green Day record when I was 11 and considered it a job well done....Yeah I know, I know but I'm not even joking here people. I mean, I know about bands like Bad Brains, Minutemen and Black Flag but do I listen to it, no. I think punk is one of those 'You had to be there' things, kind of like Drum'n'Base.


I remember meeting some punks when I was 13 or something. I was on my way to my nana's house when I saw these 20-something year old bad asses hanging outside the train station drinking beers and listen to ...., yes, yes, very good, they where listening to punk (lame joke courtesy of Dora the Explorer). So I go up to them and ask if I could pet their dogs (note to pedophiles: puppies still get the job done) and they where like sure, whatever. And I ended up playing with this cute puppy for some time till this big-colored-mohawk guy came squatting next to me offering me a beer. It was one of those tall cans and I thought it was really kind of him and to be fair, I never looked 13...I was born with these tits.

We ended up talking and I started asking all these questions about why he was waiting on the train so long, where he lived and if getting tattoos hurt, your basic 13 year old questions, but apparently punks can relate to 13 year olds quite well. I even let him see my bellybutton piercing, just to show him we did have something in common namely holes in our body.
And inevitably, with him being punk and all, we started talking about his mohawk. I asked him how he did it and then this other guy with a German accent started joking saying he used a lot of sperm, and that they had a jar where they jerked of in that they kept in the fridge for common use. So I asked him what the point was of putting things in a fridge that doesn't work, since they where squatters and lived in a house without electricity. The nice guy thought that was funny and offered to do my hair right then and there. So he got out a comb and a can of hairspray and eventually I had these 2 fullgrown men fixing my hair. Even back then I thought the whole situation was quite comical.
Anyways, it looked awesome and even the German guy approved of it, I also got invited to this party where their band would be playing and I told them I would ask my parents if I could go. So I said thanks and we said our goodbyes.
When I got to my nana's house she said I looked very pretty and I told her the story. And with my grandmother being almost as naive as I am the first thing she said was: 'Ow, that was so nice of them, why didn't you bring them along? I could've made waffles'

NERO

WRITERS BLOCK....

I swear to god, I'm never going to therapy again...

Tom Waits- That Feel

edit- I always thought these where the most romantic lyrics ever but that's because I misheard:

I aways come to find you
Always hear you cry
across my wooden leg
and I swear on my glass eye
I will never leave you high and dry
never leave you loose
It's harder to get rid of than tattoos

Still a great song though...I just liked what I heard better...

NERO

HOLY SHIT....AGAIN?!

I was just in Austria last week and I had a conversation there about how safe and peaceful it is in Austria with the exception of some kids getting locked up in basements every now and then. We where talking about Natasha Kampush and Stockholm syndrome and then this shit happens.

24 motherfucking years underground! Can you believe that?!?!

The wife is obviously lying about not knowing, and I'm not joking or being funny, but thinking about the practical things like the washing machine, the bathtub and the toilet. Who installed those things in the basement. And the guy must either be really lucky or be a plumber because there's no such thing as 24 'pipe-problem free' years. And the garbage...and the ventilation...and the entrance is really small, so how did he get all that stuff inside.

But mostly it makes me wonder, how many children are locked up in basements all over the world right this very moment...

CRUNCHY FRIENDS

I think I'm an easy going person. Yeah that's right, I am fun to be around. I laugh at your jokes even when they're not that funny. I will let you know you have something stuck between your teeth, and in a way that makes neither of us feel awkward I might add. I will remember your face. I make killer margaritas. I never mind paying all of it. I will never confront you with your lies. I never run out of cigarettes and eyeliner. I always say hi. I never say 'no, don't get me any, I'll just have a bite of yours'. I know about hip-hop and science and stuff. I don't mind making an ass out of myself if you can't dance. I never get those horrible once a month cramps. I always tip, even at the KFC being a vegetarian and all. I don't mind taking the blame. I will never ask if these jeans make my as look fat. I know when to 'leave you guys alone'. I treat the driver, the garbage man, the janitor, the police and the queen all the same. I might not know how to cook but I don't mind going out to get you something. I might hate children but I will hold your baby like a winning lottery ticket (I was going to say an egg, but then again what do you do with eggs...Haha very funny, you sick baby eater!!!). I might never be anywhere on time but I always show up...or call...or text....the next day. I am an OK person!

Now try telling that to NixX after playing her the next clip:

Seriously you wouldn't believe what that poor thing has to put up with. Play this clip again, and then one more time, and then just twice more. Do that every 15 minutes for a day and imagine it being sung by Fran Drescher and a drunk Amy Winehouse. And then you're still nowhere near the real thing. For that you'll need to find yourself a bipolar friend with ADHD that remembers she has you under speed dial every time she's drunk.

NERO

IT'S NOT JAZZ PEOPLE

photo by: Le Plasti

So last night me and NixX did Danko Jones. I love making lists and that band was high on my 'Bands that will get you on top of a bar in a wet T-shirt whilst shaking hips ' list. Other artists in this catogory include: the Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, the Crystal Method, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Muddy Waters and the Hives.

Not only that but the guy is on my cool people list.
But after last night I'm not that sure anymore....

The Crystal Method- Trip like I do

To be fair I hadn't slept since the 22nd which makes it 61 hours and 750 miles without sleep, and maybe I wasn't as drunk as I would normally be . But it just didn't do it for me. It actually made me want to start another list, 'the band with the worst audience list'. And I actually hate those people that bitch about the crowd, I never notice anyone that's not on stage and just get lost in the music. But like I said it could have been my lack of sleep or the low alcohol level in my blood cause the people around me where just really pissing me off.

So like in the center there was this pit going on which is fine but the rest of the place did not move a bit and where actually bothered by it.
And then there was this: Their latest album is called 'Never to loud' right. Well, then why the hell was every single person in there wearing earplugs, before the gig had even started. So you don't want to fuck up your hearing, I get it. But when you cover your ears every time some girls start screaming, you sir are a pussy. I know I can get loud but it's a rock show. And when the person on stage tells me, he can't hear me I'll make sure he'll hear me the second time. So when that sad super glue to the ear incident in front of me started giving me the stink eye every time I screamed after a song. I started yelling right in her ear just for the sake of it.
If you pick covering your ears over letting the band know they're appreciated by putting your hands together, you suck.


The band did work hard though. They really went full force. But maybe a little less talk and a little more playing next time. I love it when bands interact with the crowd but I could have gone without the 10 minute lecture about the air conditioner. Because having a little chat after every single song kinda gets people out of their dancing mood, if there is such a thing at danko jones show. And saying you hated going through a certain country to get here, even though your support act is from that particular country, is I dunno...a bit thoughtless.
And of course the fact that their last album sucks didn't really help either...


So wow...Who would've thought I would ever write something not so positive about a concert, and about Danko Jones even! I feel bad already cause it's Danko motherfucking Jones, but I'm not going to delete this post. So just deal with it.

NERO

I'M BACK

Ow yes, for those of you that didn't know I went on a 5 day trip to Vienna, which I will tell you all about, later. But for the moment I'm sort of stuck in that twilight zone everyone experiences when sitting on a bus filled with illegal eastern European immigrants for 18hours. And those 18 hours became 20 hours when the entire bus was pulled over by a bunch of Russian mobsters who turned out to be police for 'ein papier kontroll'.
I've experienced a lot of weird things in my life but this...

Tom Waits-Lowside Of The Road

So imagine this : 'It's like 6 something in the morning and still mostly dark, the bus stops and i'm only half awake when all the lights come on. So when my eyes where finally adjusted to the light this guy tells me, even before he saw my passport, and 7 other girls to get of the bus. So there we where, in the middle of nowhere on some country road without even a single street light. Lined up and again unable to see shit because now we had to face the headlights of the cop cars. So as my already smelly converse where sinking deeper in the mud and the Jagermeister I had been drinking on the bus was giving me a migraine from hell, I figured, fuck it: cigarette break. People that travel and smoke know that your first reaction when the vehicle stops will be 'reach for cigarettes.' So as I was looking for a lighter, this huge guy walks over, wearing a black leather jacket that took at least 3 cows to make. So I look up trying to see what his face looks like and turn a bit so that he would would stand in a way that the car lights might actually hit his face. This did not work, he kept doing his badass detective shadow thing, while the moving only caused the cold mud to sink into my socks. And as 2 other men where moving around in the bus, probably telling people to remove their watches and put it in the bag, the 'Policeman' watches me fumble with my cigarette and asks: 'Where you from?' I tell him and he continues his little interrogation by asking why I was in Romania. I explained I did not go to Romania but got on in Vienna to which he responds in a dark:' This bus come from Bucuresti'

On a side note I'm pretty sure this bus didn't go further than Hungary but whatever.

So futher down the line up I hear this girl go something like: 'Why, no listen, why?!?. I just like your country. Ow, I don't believe this....To make pictures of beautiful place, like tourist...I have lived there, I might do work there.' Going back and forth from English to German and back to Hungarian or Romanian or Polish for all I know.
Meanwhile my cop turns his attention back to me and reaches in his pocket. He gets out a lighter, lights it and says:'You need fire, no?' So after he had lit my cigarette he puts his Brian O'Connor hand on my shoulder looks at the arguing girl and says something like: 'Everything will be allright.' And walked of.'

Yeah, well this exactly is where I started to get worried.


The other cops came out of the bus, had a little meeting and continued questioning some of the other girls for another 45 minutes or so. I'm not sure what it was all about, but for some reason I don't believe they where German police. I've had those things and they tell the girls things like: you know it's for your own safety right, how much money do you have, who are you meeting, where is your return ticket and where are you staying. And in contrary to the other police controls, this time they didn't even look at my passport.

But it's cool to know that I could fit in the 'possible illegal prostitute' line up.

I'm sorry if the story has a bit of an anticlimax, but let's just say it not the first anticlimax I've caused this week.

NERO

UP NORTH

I love Norway. Whenever I'm there, I just want to take a backpack and walk into the mountains never to be seen again. Apparently, there are a lot of people who actually do this. It is assumed however that it was not their intention never to be seen again.
But just look at this:

Wouldn't you want to do the same?
Picture yourself waking up on a crispy fresh morning with a moose on your front porch! Eating fresh laks and warm wafers with homemade blueberry jam and whipped cream. Soft elk leather. Glaciers the size of Belgium. Fjords deeper than the mountains are high.
All these wonderfull things you can find there and only there.
Occasionally though, wonderful things come out of Norway. Like these guys!

One of my favourite bands is finally coming over again, all the way from coastal Stavanger, to my very home town!! I can't wait to see them live again. Here's a taste of what they sound like. Not my favourite song, but I don't want to bother you with crappy live-footage. I would recommend Hey Jane, but this one will do just fine.

And after that, I think I should really go back north to finally take that long walk in the wilderness. I need a holiday!!

NixX

FALLEN ANGEL

IN MEMORIAM: JULIETTE LEWIS

I've always had a soft spot for this beautiful, crazy actress slash singer. I always thought she was the coolest person on earth. Until I saw a BBC documentary by John Sweeny last week. It turns out that.. I can hardly even get the words out of my mouth.. I mean my laptop.. It turns out that she is a SCIENTOLOGIST!! I didn't know this before, maybe that was just stupid of me. Maybe I was just in denial.. But now I can't take her serious anymore. SHE IS DEAD TO ME! Juliette, thank you for all the wonderful times we spent together, I will always cherish those memories, but our ways have to part here. In my eyes, you no longer exist.

Goodbye..

By the way, I did know that Scientology was a very creepy organisation of course, but it's even worse than I imagined. Throughout that documentary, Sweeny was being followed, intimidated and just plain harassed by this guy:
Tommy Davis is the name, some big shot at Scientology. See how he is even trying to look like Cruise? He also has the same insane look in his eyes. He was incredibly aggressive towards Sweeny. Apparently it is a wellknown Scientology strategy to follow opponents and let them know they are being followed. Just to try and freak them out.
You want to piss this guy off? All you have to say is that Scientology is a cult. He will lose all control, get in your face and try to spit you to death yelling out how stupid an biased you are. So please, if you ever run into this guy, follow him around. Stay very close by and keep yelling in his ear: leave me alone man! Leave me alone!
There is a risk to this though, you might end up 'committing suicide' as apparently their biggest opponent Shawn Lonsdale did right after he got interviewed by Sweeny. Strange, he seemed perfectly uplift and stable during the interview..

NixX

OH WHAT TO DO

Working sucks. People who say they would get bored without a job, I don't understand them. I would be happy just sitting around all day! Watch a little tv, read a book, play some games, sleep a little, surf the net, just staring out the window. There is nothing wrong with that! But maybe I'm just good at entertaining myself. It helps to appreciate your company of course.
I got my masters degree six months ago. So now I am supposed to be ready and qualified to get a Real Job. You know, a Mature one. One that gives you a Steady Income with which you can Buy A House and build up a Pension and shit. So you can live a Responsible Life an be a Valuable Member of Society.
Unfortunately, I didn't get one of those educations where they actually teach you helpful things. All they taught me were other peoples opinions about unimportant stuff and how to give mine sounding like a snob who knows shit.
So now I'm kind of at a loss. Smack down in the middle of that black hole everybody always talks about. What to do with the rest of my life? I could just stay with Nero working our current shitty job. But she's not going to be there forever and I'm getting real tired of living on the edge of bankrupcy every month. I'm not ambitious at all, I'm not looking for a 'challenge' in my work. Trust me, my life itself is challenge enough. At work I just want some peace and quiet. You work to live, not the other way around, right? It's a cliché, and I hate those, but I have to agree with this one.
I see people around me who work their asses off, spending even most of their free time on 'just finishing off this last bit for the meeting on monday' or something like that. And then they tell me that "once you find a job you really like, you'll want to work just as hard at it, because you're motivated and enjoy what you do". NO I WON'T! There's a reason you get paid for working people: it's not fun. I can't imagine anyone actually enjoying their work.
I used to think it could be fun too, when I was young and innocent (a long, looong, time ago). I used to have some dreamjobs. I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Digging up whole dinosaurs in the desert somewhere! How cool is that. Then I found out that it's more about digging up 2 inch bone fragments and screaming hallelujah! And that's if you're lucky! Most of them only get to go to buildingsites to find sharves of old pots. Big fucking whoopie..

Then I got myself a new hobby and decided I could be a professional one of these:

The upsides of this of course being thin and limber, and rubbing up to well-built, strong men all day. The downsides: those men wear tights all day and love rubbing up to well-built men just as much as you do.. O, and the limber part: it fucking hurts! So that was another dream lost.

As I was getting older my dreamjobs got a little more sophisticated. I started dreaming about being this girl:

Remember her? Of course, the guy to her left had something to do with that dream. How cool would it be to chase after guys like these?

It didn't take long before I realised that being a profiler would not actually make me a psychic, which was a pretty sour disappointment. Besides, the dame with the hoarse voice was starting to bug me with her ever-sorrowfull look. And, being a teenager, I naturally got depressed and started to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have the thoughts of serial-killers in my head all day after all. And since there are no serial killers in this country, I would get bored pretty quickly I guess..

So now I am out of options. All the good jobs are not as good as they seemed, impossible to obtain or just out of my league. Am I condemned to be another office-drone? Can anyone convince me that there are jobs out there that don't suck? Can anyone please tell me how I can turn doing nothing or playing computergames all day into a paying job??

Please?