UPSIDE DOWN

Sure, why not. After shitting blood for a week, 2 days ago i started throwing up blood. So now my eyes are officially the only orifices that i haven't bled from. And who knows, coughing up and sneezing blood doesn't get you anywhere, but bloody tears...That shit might get you put on display in a church somewhere in Mexico next to the taco shaped like Jesus.

No but seriously this does really suck. The doctor says it's probably from the painkillers they gave me, those apparently fuck up your stomach. I think it also might have something to do with the fact that i went to a Gutter Twins show 4 days after the surgery....and got shitfaced. But It was totally worth it! Ow and a special thanks to Roger the bouncer who was kind enough to drive us back after the gig. That was so awesome of you!

Now it's just a matter of using my wolverine like super-regenerating accelerated healing powers to keep it together long enough for my trip to Greece. Only 3 more days!!!

NERO

'PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET', ANYONE?

Isn't the internet a swell place?






Seriously, I love people that are this honest.

NERO

HELLOOOO!

I'm back. Well most of me is...Lately I've been loosing more and more parts of what I used to be. I don't think I'll ever be whole again...

Gold star for the first person that can guess what this is:

This little good for nothing son of a bitch may look like your average rotten banana but it's not. This is what used to be my appendix.
Last week me and my appendix had a little disagreement in which the bastard literally tried to kill me. So after 12 hours of pain and drama we went our separate ways.
Breaking up is never easy and it will take a long time for me to heal. But I sleep better at night knowing this will never happen again and that he is out of my life for good.

NERO

STUPID SUNLIGHT!

Seriously, the people that came up with happy hour should be shot.

So here we are, don't know how y'all are doing and at this point I couldn't care less, but I have got the hangover from hell. I'm starting to notice I'm getting older. You might think I'm a 21 year old but really, inside there a 60 year old thanking the lord for every diaper free day he gives her.
They say 40 is the new 30. Which is total bullocks. I mean this might be true for those 40 year old macrobiotic eating, botox drinking, yoga practicing rich bitches. But in the same way 14 was the new 24 when it came to drinking, smoking and partying when I was growing up.

Yesterday me and Girlfriend went shopping and decided to make a quick stop at his favorite bar. Enter Happy hour. So instead of getting something to eat first and then maybe a little drink starting at around 9 pm and slowly build up to a state of complete piss drunk fucked upness. It's Rosé and Margaritas for half the price at 5 pm (5 o'clock being the equivalent of lunchtime in my world) hitting you in the face like a motherfucker. Or in my case like a gay man hitting you in the bosoms with his face. Did I forget to mention it was a gay bar? I never knew gay men where so into boobs but my god, by the time happy hour was over I was getting free drinks in exchange for a little breast fondling. Now that I think of it, it does make some sense, might be a bit like why dykes wear strap ons.
Anyways, I had a great time. The only downside: you're surrounded by men loving you all night and yet end up going home alone. And waking up with up with a hangover....after waking up drunk...twice....And getting a text message saying your friend has put those 'sexy' pictures of you with the shot glass between your titties on his myspace.

Yesss, good times people, good times.

NERO

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE INTERVIEW

I hate that I love it so much. And I feel so dirty but I just can't help myself, I just want more and more. Really, I LOVE reading about Amy Winehouse. I know I'm a horrible person, but the more messed up she looks in photographs the more I enjoy it. You know, just to see how fucked up and zombie like a person can get. So yeah, I suck, but then again when was the last time she called me for my birthday? All those years and not even a postcard. So fuck her...

Anyhow, I'm sure y'all will enjoy this awesome story about our favorite junkie as much as I did. You heartless bastards!

NERO

Need a hobby?

Summer is coming, so all you lucky bastards are probably gonna have some time off. But just in case you don't have any money to go on vacation and fear you might get bored, here's a little something you could do with all that free time.

To be fair: I stole this one from Hot Gameguy, so the credit goes to him.

NixX

MISFIT LOVE

Last week me and NixX went on a little trip to check out Queens of the motherfucking stone age. And it was awesome. QOTSA is one of those bands that won't ever disappoint...(Maybe I made that sound as if there are lot's of bands that never disappoint...Need I remind you of this lovely evening?) And I loved the songs they played.
Me and mister Joshua Homme have one thing in common: this is our favorite song:

Queens of the stone age - Misfit love live @ pinkpop 2008

I know I have written about this song before, but it's that damn good. Misfit love truly is one of the best songs ever written. And the number one song to hear live (and by hear I mean to lose your mind, shake your ass and get completely fucked up to).

It was really all they needed to play. Don't get me wrong I like their other stuff, I'm just saying that I would love to see a one hour show where they play 'Misfit love' for 45 minutes and then morph that into 'You Got A Killer Scene There, Man...' for the remaining 15 minutes...Maybe play 'Songs for the dead', 'Skin on Skin' and 'Make it wit chu' as an encore...but you know, i don't wanna seem toooo demanding.....
And yes, I'm very well aware this will never happen, primarily because it would be downright SUICIDE!!!. And not just for the band, I'm surprised I have made it through the 6 minute version twice already without collapsing.

BUT GODDAMMIT WHAT A WAY TO GO!

Maybe, one day, in a perfect world. A world where convenience stores sell IV's, it rains Gatorade and we're all on Amphetamines.

NERO

PS. You see that photo I stole of flickr? I'm in that photo.....Fuck yeah, that's my arm!

AUDIO TORTURE

Just so we're clear, I love Nas. But I'm not really feeling his new song Be a nigger too. The first time I heard it I was like wow, cause if there's one thing Nas is good at, it is getting you to pay attention. And if mr. Jones speaks we listen.

So now there's a video, which I successfully watched from beginning to end the first time. But the second time I heard Be a nigger too I had to turn it off cause the music is seriously making me want to scratch my face open.

I fucking hate those cheezy ass piano samples and this has got to be the worst one I ever heard. Why, in the name of all that's been sampled, would you copy and paste two seconds of a Bobby Blue Bland record and turn it into a 6 motherfucking minute song!?! And more than that, how the fuck is it possible that Nas would willingly submit himself to having to hear that beat a 100 times a year for the rest of his life?! I don't know who made it but it's like Good Charlotte writing songs for Henry Rollins.
It's really that fucking annoying, and I'm sure Be a nigger too will be on heavy rotation over at Guantanamo bay torture radio.

NERO

A LITTLE LONG TIME

お久しぶりですね。。。皆さん元気？I've been doing ok I guess...just a bit bored, tired, lazy, you know what I'm talking about.

First off, I am very proud to announce to you all that I have slept with NixX for the first time. It was quite a nice experience and I can recommend it to anyone. In fact I'm still a bit shaky. So if you ever happen to run in to her and have the guts to come up and talk to her, TRY! Try like you've never tried before. And come prepared: hit the gym, get that master's degree and win that Grammy. Also don't forget to buy a pair of oven mitts, you're gonna need them.

I found these online sometime ago and i think they're bloody brilliant...lol: 'Sex in her shitty'. Don't forget to check out the 'JHo Booty from the block!' or the`Dirty Christina' variants.

NERO

SO JEALOUS

I have a million things to do right now, and when I feel pressured I usually shut down and really don't do anything anymore. Normally I deal with stress by drinking, eating, sleeping, plucking my eyebrows and a little drugs. But I guess now blogging is on that list too.

Anyways, I was in the store today to buy carpet and I couldn't decide whether to get Ivory or Flamingo pink. So I got home and started googling flamingo(...I had a million thing to do remember?). And my god, aren't those birds awesome?!





















Just look at them! The more you look at them the more you start to believe they're fake.

Nature rocks man!

NERO

EXCUSE ME

While I die laughing. This clip just raised the bar for a whole lotta motherfuckers.

NERO

TO BE CONTINUED

Today started great, I mysteriously woke up at 10 without being tired, took a long shower, put on my face and made 2 mixtapes. You know, some uplifting summer tunes for work. So I leave for work early and get on the bus, then for no apparent reason the bus made a huge detour. But, no worries, I left for work early. So I get to work 5 minutes early and there are 4 people in my spot. So I walk over and one of my colleagues comes up to me and informs me that I have to go home.

NERO: 'WTF?!'
Kenny: 'Yeah, apparently our boss is not so happy with you and he told me to tell you to go home once you'd get here.'
NERO: 'WTF, he cant find the decency to send me home in person?! He makes me come all the way over here and informs all my colleagues he's not happy and let's you send me home!?!! That's fucked up!!!'
Kenny: 'Hey don't shoot the messenger, I'm just saying. He already went home, so I had to tell you.'
NERO: 'This bout saturday?'
Kenny: 'Yes, I think it has something to do with that.'
NERO: 'He told you about that?! What else did he share with you, my bank account? Any passport copies? '
Kenny: 'No, he just explained to us that you didn't show on saturday and that you where late on Wednesday and that he's had it.'
NERO: 'US!??! He told us?!?'
Kenny: 'I really think you should call him.'
NERO: 'No fuck that, he can go fuck him self. I'm done.'

So by that time everyone that was working and some of there relatives and customers gathered around to hear the story. And I was just about to walk of when my boss came walking over, he had missed his train.
He said hi, I said hi.
He said saturday didn't go to well, I smiled.
He said it's not working, I smiled some more.
He said it wasn't the first time, I smiled and looked at some of the bystanders. Then Kenny interrupted Boss-man to ask something. And that was it, I turned around walked away from the crowd, and mumbled that I had a bus to catch. On the way to Girlfriend, who was working in another shop, I get this call by Boss-man. I didn't answer the first time, but the second time he called I did. He told me I cannot just walk of like that. And I asked him where he was and told him to wait there and keep his eyes open, so he could see me perform the miracle of walking away again.
So I walked back to the store, just to find that he's making this phone call with about 5 other people hanging on his shoulder trying to listen in.
I hung up when he saw me, walked over and told him this whole situation was just ridicules, that he was acting childish and immature and that he had 10 minutes to say his thing because I had already wasted 3 bucks on a bus ticked and didn't want to miss the bus and pay again.

I don't remember fuck all about what he said, but it was nothing new. I said I was just sick of hearing the same old thing over and over.
He suggested I would resign and again I just smiled.
He can fire me and give me a months pay or I'll be rioting there all the way to pension time. He knows this of course, so after all the yelling and screaming, he just asked if I still wanted to come to work tomorrow. So I said 'I have a bus to catch' and 'see you tomorrow'.

I'm not sure what's going to happen but at least I have 2 awesome new mixtapes and that should get me through at least one more workday.

NERO

LOL

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.


NERO