LOL

This one belongs to the same category as the 'peanut fart'.
Man, I cannot stop laughing.


NERO

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

I really don't know what to say about this...I was going to joke about it because for a full minute and a half I was honestly waiting for Amy to put one in her mouth and eat it. But then the Blake thing was just heart wrenching.

I feel weird now. So please, if anyone has got anything to say please comment.


NERO

YEAH, THANKS A LOT ERITREA

Because of NixX's recent departure, I had to work with Nebuchadnezzar The Mute today. And I think that name is pretty self explanatory. Well 'Nebu' is from Eritrea, and I remember the first time I had to work with her. NixX and I had a cigarette break and a conversation that went kinda like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'I don't like working with her either-'

Nero: 'You don't like working with her? It's because she's black right?!!?'
NixX: -'???'
Nero: 'First Jews, then Arabs and now black people?!...You're horrible, you know that!'

No, I'm lying we never had that conversation. So the real* conversation went like this:

Nero: 'But I don't wanna work with her. Please baby, can't you guys switch places?'
NixX:-'It's not that bad, really you won't even notice she is there.'
Nero: 'How long has she been working here? I never really talked to her, or heard her say anything. There was this one time, I asked her where everyone was but it took her so long to come up with an answer, I just walked off.'
NixX: 'That means you guys talked more than me and her ever did, and I work with her on daily basis.'
Nero: 'OMGWTF, you're soooo right!!!! We're like totally BFF now!!!'
NixX: '???'
Nero:'So what's her name again, Nebbar,Nebuz,Nebac....'
NixX: 'Nebuchadnezzar'
Nero: 'Christ...Where's she from?'
NixX: 'Eritrea...I think'
Nero: 'Where's that?'
NixX: 'Northeast Africa, next to Ethiopia and Sudan'
Nero: 'Wow, then she must be circumcised. Do you think she circumcised, I bet she is.'
NixX: 'This is perfect. See, I knew you'd find a topic you guys could talk about. You know, something light, to break the ice.'

..........I miss NixX

Anyways, me and Nebu spent 6 hours today working together, and she never mentioned the current condition of her clitoris once. Even though I kept asking her about it every 10 minutes or so.....(No I know, I'm sorry it's really not fanny...I know, I know I'm killing here....)
But she's actually a really nice girl and we talked all sorts of shit. Really, if you put two women from two completely different cultures together there's always this one thing they'll have in common. A global phenomenon women have been talking about since the dawn of time: 'MEN ARE BASTARDS'.

I also learned some new stuff today. Like, did you know Eritrea is a multilingual country? They have like 9 different languages there, even Italian, but no official language. But the most used language is Tigrinya. Which sounds like a pretty sweet baby name if you ask me.
Or did you know 50% of the country is Christian?
Well now you know, and all this useful information might even store itself in your brain and replace some of those sweet childhood memories you once had.

Nebu told me it's nice there and that she's going on vacation to visit some relatives next year. So from now on it's Nebuchadnezzar The Dirty Liar, cause it's not nice there. I looked it up and there has been a war going on since like, forever. And it's number 169 on the Worldwide Press Freedom Index Ranking, and do you know how many countries are on that list? Exactly! 169 motherfucking countries! And you really need to be a shitty country to be below North Korea on any list.
Ow and speaking of the root of all evil, did I mention that the first human-being ever is believed to be from Eritrea? I rest my case....

NERO

*I don't even remember conversations I had 5 minutes ago so don't expect me to exactly quote something that was said weeks ago. This is as close I can get to reality.

HOW 80'S OF YOU

I really can't stand this song or her voice but the video is just fucking brilliant!


Sia-The Girl You Lost To Cocaine



NERO

I HAD A DREAM

So I will tell you guys about this dream I had last night because it was sooo weird...and because absolutely nothing happened in my real life today.

So I don't remember exactly what happened, but it had something to do with this movie and Chinese people wanting to pour acid in my face. And they just would not stop trying, at one point I sat down in a bus and got up just in time cause acid sprinklers where coming out of the armsrests. But I knew, I knew.
Then I had to get to this wake for Wes Borland or something, that guy who used to play guitar in Limp Bizkit. You know, the monkey boy. Apparently he had killed him self and there was this big thing involving ladders and empty buildings I had to get to.

So that was my dream...I know right!?

But then I was surfing around on Perez Hilton's blog and I found this:





















It's Fred Durst.

The same Fred Durst we all had completely forgotten about. Coincidence?
Now the weird thing about this is not that I had a dream about his guitar player. No what's freaking me out is that he looks EXACTLY like my dad. I shit you not people, it's him exactly! It could be his tattooed twin.....I might remove the pictures soon cause it's really creeping me out.

NERO

I could post a limp bizkit song right now but...youknow.

THE DEAL IS OFF!!!

When I heard we were getting Michelle Rodriguez, I got really exited. I mean she is hot and definitely on my to do-list.

But then I found we had to give up this:



And here's our answer: NO! WHAT ARE WE, STUPID?!? NO!!! NO FUCKING WAY!!! I MEAN LOOK AT HIM!!!:























Seriously, if you want Wentworth Miller we won't settle for anything less than Scarlett Johansson! And even then....are you kidding me?! MOTHERFUCKER GRADUATED FROM PRINCETON!!!





















So what do you think, did we get ripped off?

No honestly, people can do whatever and whoever they want....I just wished they would do me before they did.

NERO

Okay, so maybe just one more....

Fuck that, I'll do as much as I want!!

I'LL BE WATCHING IT LIVE IN A GAY BAR

Iceland's entry for Eurovision 2008... No, it does not get any gayer than this!



That dance...That dance! The guy in the black shirt is a genius!

NERO

THE END OF AN ERA

So today I have spent the entire day in bed, I was so tired it hurt. Newton wasn't bullshitting when he made that comment about what goes up must come down.

Someone that IS going to need uppers this week is of course my dear friend NixX, who is starting her new 9 to 5 job tomorrow. And for someone who managed to stretch her time as a student up to 7 years and has been working the McJob for just as long, it's quite a switch. We're all really excited for her and we try to support her as much as possible. And she's gonna need it because she is having a real hard time coping with the fact that she'll no longer be working with me. So NixX, hang in there baby, and look at it from the bright side: You'll have a lot more money to take me out and buy me stuff. I promise you can take me out shopping when that first paycheck comes round.

To make you feel good I'll put up some new songs of a band I know you love:

Nine Inch Nails- Lights In The Sky

Just kidding, please don't play that song when you go to work tomorrow. It could take days before someone looks in your cubicle and finds out that you've strangled yourself with a serial cable. So leave the cables, scissors and white-out alone and listen to this.

Nine Inch Nails- Discipline

That's better right?























I like NIN and some songs really turn me on but I do get that Jamiroquai feel sometimes, where all songs sound the same.
But I will buy this album just because they have given people the chance to download the entire album for free. And I think that's cool....if you're Nine inch Nails. I can imagine other artists getting pissed cause they need to sell records and can't afford those online Radiohead shenanigans. Although not as pissed as it makes me to read that Metallica might do the same thing, and saying that makes me just as much of a hypocrite as Lars Ulrich.

Anyways, hurray for Reznor who has of the finest asses in music and you can download the new Nine Inch Nails album The Slip here. (The title, The Slip, gives me the chills but that's a language joke for the locals.....I hate that word!)

NERO

Hey NixX, I made you a special 'this is gonna lead to sex on the copy machine' mixtape....so please don't be greedy and make sure you post one of those action copies. After writing about NIN I realized this blog could use some more ass (or tits, depending on your opinion about Reznor and the way you are gonna work that copy machine).

THE NEXT DUNGEON GIRL

O, and a couple of posts ago, you were talking about that Austrian girl in the basement right? You asked yourself who the next one would be? Meet the Next Dungeon Girl:

Our friend Tom has sent her off to Scientology Bootcamp because she didn't get involved in his religion enough. I'd say: Bye bye Katie..

NixX

ROCKBAND

And to feed your new-found Rockband-addiction: I think this song should definitely be on Rockband!! I just came across it going through my vinyl-collection.

NixX

COMMENT

Nero darling, you of all people should know I would be the last person on earth to get a life! As a matter of fact, I just traded in the little life I had for no life whatsoever. Yes, you guessed right! I'm going to be one of the watercoolerconversation-people. Five days straight on the fourth floor of a huge cubicle-filled government flat. I'm looking forward to it already - she said with a bland face -.

I just finished reading Then we came to the end by Joshua Ferris to prepare myself. But I'm not sure whether that helped or just made things worse. It's strange, I was so looking forward to getting away from my current job. But now I get this eerie feeling that before long I will be wanting to throw myself off that skyscraper.


So it's not my so-called life that kept me from blogging. I am just very aware that I will never be able to compete with your incredible stories and you know how I hate acknowledgeing defeat. If anything, you have killed my dream to become a writer, because you faced me with the fact that I am not a storyteller at all. There, now we're both depressed.


Anyway, I just wanted to respond to your Trek-blog. I think we should become trekkies too. Life seems so simple when you're a trekkie. Like that one guy, who's only dream was to build a big shelve to put all his stuff on. Or that guy at the Vulcan-town party who summed up the beauty of life in the words: "this year we even had a girl coming". And even though the notion of the trek-psycho-therapist (how sane can he make you?), surgeon and dentist kind of scared me, I know you would love to go to a dentists office like that! But knowing us we would probably end up being killed by that psycho Gabriel kid, the VERY creepy moviemaker.



I will admit I saw a fair share of episodes myself. But never as a matter of choice, always more a matter of the remote being too far away or there really being nothing else on tv. (We didn't have that many channels back then) My personal favourite was this guy:

But that was probably mostly because he somehow reminded me of the captain of that other ship I loved so much (woohahahaha..). They had that same benevolant patriarchal care about them. And the same surroundings of bad costumes and cardboard walls of course. O and I really hated that captain Janeway, the she-wolf.

I remember seeing another documentary on Star Trek and other sci-fi films when I took a course in science fiction films at university. The big tagline of Star Trek was of course TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. But then came the Deep Space Nine series, about a stationary post in space. So the commentary-guy in the documentary said: Deep Space Nine: TO BOLDLY GO uhm.. STAY PUT! I thought that was kind of hilarious. And in the case of captain Picard it was of course TO BALDLY GO... Yes, I know, I'll stop being so darn funny right now.

NixX

INSERT VULCAN SALUTE HERE→.......

Leonard "Spock" Nimoy and William "Kirk" Shatner are totally my favorite jews ever!

A couple of months ago I was hanging out with my mom and it was around 4 in the morning and there was nothing on tv, so we made the conscious decision to watch an entire episode of star trek on BBC2. It was the first time ever for the both of us to watch star trek. Well...
We tried, we really tried but 15 minutes in the show my mom asked: 'Are there people who actually watch this show?!....But nothing ever happens!'.
I told her about the whole trekkie phenomenon and that this tv show was more or less a religion. There was a silence and then my mom adjusted her sitting, made a very serious face and said with a great determination in her voice: 'Well then we mustn't give up!'
So yeah, by this time all hope was lost and I just cracked up and was in tears, laughing my ass of throughout the rest of the show. With a climax of laughter when the episode ended and the BBC surprised us with jet another episode.

I strongly recommend all men to stop reading this post from here on cause really, it was just one of those 'women at their most obnoxious behavior ' which includes hysterical laughter, speaking with a squeaky voice 2 octaves higher than normal, giggles about nothing, weird faces, a lot of 'ahhhhh-hahaha-oehhh-hahaha', and worst of all, piggy snorts. Pretty much all those things that make you go: 'Bitch please.'

Anyways highlights of the episode where a black man with a glass alice band covering his eyes walking around with a purse (One of those 80's purses with one long strap that carry on one shoulder and the purse will be at hip hight). One guy that was a bit 'slow' and kept messing up every time the ship would hit a space-bump or something, so everyone else would star shaking and holding on for their dear lives and he would not start moving till he saw the others move. And then there was me jumping 6 feet in the air when I thought my mom farted and it turned out to be the sound a space door makes when it opens.



NixX (who apparently found a life and has decided to quit blogging) and I spoke about my first star trek experience and I asked her how it's possible for such a boring show to have so many fans. And NixX said:

'That's exactly why people like it, it's life. It's just as boring as real life. You'll travel far and wide just to find that there's nothing there and it's just as boring as where you came from. You'll meet some men that don't have human emotions on the way and then some men that can't act. After that you'll end up with a guy that speaks a language you don't understand and has a huge wrinkly forehead that just keeps getting bigger and bigger till he's bald. Plus it shows that in a 100 years, work attire will still look ridiculous and that even if you work in outer space and you're the captain, you're still required to wear an ugly ass uniform.' .....or something along those lines.

It was fun but I don't think I'll ever watch another star trek episode again in my life. Really, it's boring beyond believe. But I love trekkies or trekkers or just 'people that are really into star trek', and today I watched a documentary about Trekkies, cleverly named: Trekkies. And for some reason it really worked on my maternal instinct and it made me go: 'aaawww that's adorible!' all throughout the documentary. Those cast member are so sweet! Especially DeForest "Bones" Kelley , who passed away in 1999, tells some great stories and James "Scotty" Doohan, who died in 2005, also comes of as a great guy.

Anyway, if you haven't seen it already go watch it now, it's funny, sweet and a bit uncomfortable at times but really worth your time even (especially) if you're not into star trek. Honestly those star trek people are really just a bunch of peace lovin' hippies.

William Shatner - Common People

NERO

AND NOW, IT'S THE FIRST EVER...

Quote of the week!

''As a boy I'm coming up through the sixties so I thought, you know, my late teens, early twenties are gonna be the most radical years of my life and I get there and it's yeah Pete Frampton in a kimono man!''

-Mike Watt, American Hardcore, 2006

Kelly Clarkson- Since U been gone
(No hardcore here but there is some relation between these artists)

I don't know the first thing about punk. I bought a Green Day record when I was 11 and considered it a job well done....Yeah I know, I know but I'm not even joking here people. I mean, I know about bands like Bad Brains, Minutemen and Black Flag but do I listen to it, no. I think punk is one of those 'You had to be there' things, kind of like Drum'n'Base.


I remember meeting some punks when I was 13 or something. I was on my way to my nana's house when I saw these 20-something year old bad asses hanging outside the train station drinking beers and listen to ...., yes, yes, very good, they where listening to punk (lame joke courtesy of Dora the Explorer). So I go up to them and ask if I could pet their dogs (note to pedophiles: puppies still get the job done) and they where like sure, whatever. And I ended up playing with this cute puppy for some time till this big-colored-mohawk guy came squatting next to me offering me a beer. It was one of those tall cans and I thought it was really kind of him and to be fair, I never looked 13...I was born with these tits.

We ended up talking and I started asking all these questions about why he was waiting on the train so long, where he lived and if getting tattoos hurt, your basic 13 year old questions, but apparently punks can relate to 13 year olds quite well. I even let him see my bellybutton piercing, just to show him we did have something in common namely holes in our body.
And inevitably, with him being punk and all, we started talking about his mohawk. I asked him how he did it and then this other guy with a German accent started joking saying he used a lot of sperm, and that they had a jar where they jerked of in that they kept in the fridge for common use. So I asked him what the point was of putting things in a fridge that doesn't work, since they where squatters and lived in a house without electricity. The nice guy thought that was funny and offered to do my hair right then and there. So he got out a comb and a can of hairspray and eventually I had these 2 fullgrown men fixing my hair. Even back then I thought the whole situation was quite comical.
Anyways, it looked awesome and even the German guy approved of it, I also got invited to this party where their band would be playing and I told them I would ask my parents if I could go. So I said thanks and we said our goodbyes.
When I got to my nana's house she said I looked very pretty and I told her the story. And with my grandmother being almost as naive as I am the first thing she said was: 'Ow, that was so nice of them, why didn't you bring them along? I could've made waffles'

NERO